Hurt

Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

Eoghan drove me back to the hotel and let me keep the note for the night, but as long as I brought it back to him the next morning. As we were in the lobby, he tapped me on the shoulder and looked me straight in the eyes. 

"May I read the note one more time before I leave?" he asked me, sitting on one of the empty chairs. "I can't go to sleep if I don't read it."

I nodded slowly and pulled the folded envelope out of my left jean pocket. He vigorously took it and skimmed it over quickly, handing it to me in a flash and letting me fold it back up and put it back into my pocket before he hugged me. He was as tall as my chin and his arms wrapped around me like a little boy, my chin in his long brown hair. 

"Do you want to stay with me tonight, Zayn?" he asked me. I wasn't sure what to say, since I know that he had already done enough for me today. "No, man, it's okay," I whispered. Eoghan let go and nodded. "I understand. We just met, after all," he mumbled. 

He gave me a tiny wave and ran out the lobby doors and into his car, keys in hand. 

I pressed the button on the elevator to go up to the twelfth floor. When the doors opened, Bella walked out. She walked right passed me and into the lobby. I stood there stunned.

"Bell... Bella? What the fuck?" I asked her, grabbing her by her jacket. I looked at my watch and looked back at her face. "Where do you think you are going?"

"In no way, shape, or form do you deserve to be grabbing me right now, Mr. Malik," Bella said, trying to wiggle out of my grasp. But she was still tired, and she didn't have the strength to move. I could see it in her eyes. "Let go of me."

"Tell me where you're going."

"For a walk."

"I know you too well. Get back in the elevator."

I pulled her back into an elevator that had just opened up and threw her on the floor. She sat there, unmoving, as I pressed the number twelve button to go up to our room. I was tired of Bella making me feel like I was being a bad boyfriend. I knew where she was going and what she was going to do. There was no way she was ever going to go out looking for Niall without me or Harry to accompany her. 

The elevator reached floor six and suddenly came to a halting stop. My stomach dropped. I pressed the number twelve again and the elevator would not budge. I pressed the button to open the elevator doors, but they would not budge, either. I kept pressing the button, but nothing would happen. The lights went out and I was in the darkness alone with Bella.

"Great job," she said.

"I didn't even do anything," I said scornfully. I sat down next to her and I tried to reach for her, but she wasn't there anymore. I could see her white shirt on the other side of the elevator where I was standing, and I could hear her sniffling and look around in her purse for her phone. "I'll try to get us out of this bloody mess."

She found her phone but it was dead. "What a great way to start the night," she said to herself.

"The night is just ending," I said under my breath. She scoffed.

"What time is it?" she said in a sarcastic tone.

"2:34."

"The night is just starting," she said. I could hear her picking her nails, one of her many bad habits. But every single one of them made me love them more. "And I'm going to miss all of it."

"No you're not," I said, walking over to her. But she moved, sensing that I was coming. But I grabbed her arm. Her skin was cold and I could hear her grunting, attempting to once more escape my tight grasp. "Don't start up again. This is unfair- I can't escape from you," she said.

I smiled. This was my plan. I didn't want her to escape me, and there was no way I would ever let go of her arm.  I pulled her into me and kissed her like I used to kiss her. I kissed her the way she asked me too when she would come home from work and all she ever wanted was me to tell her and show her that I loved her.

She tried to escape again, but then she relaxed. Her shoulders weren't tensed up like they were before and her hands were on my face. But when I bit her lip, that's when she broke down. She started to cry into her hands and and push away from me. I let go of her, concerned. "What's wrong?" I asked, not touching her anymore. I knew now that something was wrong, and she was hiding something from me that she was afraid she couldn't hide anymore. I knew that she was about to hurt me, but I didn't know if I could handle what she was going to say. I knew that she knew that, too, and I felt bad now that I had tried to take advantage of her. She was just a girl. She was just trying to figure out what she was going to do with her life, and I was standing in her way.

"Zayn, this whole time we've been dating I've been madly in love with you. You're brilliant and I'm afraid to lose you." She wiped a tear from her cheek and sat on the other side of the elevator. "But I made a list the other day. A list of both the pros and cons of us dating each other. There were more pros than cons, but there were still a lot of cons on that list."

"What did you write?" I asked sort of harshly. I cleared my throat and asked once more in a more calm tone. "What did you write?"

 "I said that you were intense. I said that you were pulling me back from accomplishing what I want to accomplish in my life. You had a girlfriend when you were dating me those first couple of weeks. You are messed up. You smoke. You get drunk." She sniffled. "But I guess that's okay. Nobody is perfect."

I smiled faintly but then my mouth pulled into a frown as she started to speak again.

"I want to be a lawyer, Zayn," she said. "And I can't have you always bringing me places and taking me out of England so we can find your friend."

"But he's your friend, too, isn't he?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"You don't understand," she said. "He was my boyfriend. He was more than my friend at one point. And I'm not sure if I want to keep looking for him here. University starts back up again in two weeks. I can't stay here. I can't stay with you."

I licked my lips and took her hand. "Bella. Please. We can work this out." I thought about what I had just said, but regretted it. No girl wants to hear those words. I don't want to hear those words. She doesn't want to stay with someone because they want to stay with them. She wants to have her own experiences and make her own decisions.

"No, I don't think we can," she said. She stood up and sat even farther away from me. We didn't talk for the whole two hours we were in there for. She didn't want to speak to me, and frankly, I didn't want to speak to her.