Hurt

Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

I walked downstairs. Flashbacks filled my mind. I couldn't get Danae out of my mind for some reason, and I was still thinking of the night she hit her head on the car seat. She didn't even hit it that hard. Did she? I was too drunk to notice. She didn't pass out, though, and I couldn't remember if she started to cry or not. I don't even remember her saying anything. The dark silence filled the car as we went over the speed bump.

"Hi," Bella said as I walked down the stairs.

"Hi," I mumbled back, searching for my bag somewhere in the living room. I had hidden a pack of cigarettes in there with a ligther, and I was getting really stressed, so this was the perfect time to have one. Just one. As I walked dangerously close to the couch where Bella lay, she lifted my chin and pulled out something from her pocket. It was my pack. "Looking for something?" she said with a sly smile. I smirked and try to catch it from her wavering hand, but she pulled it away right before I could snatch it.

She giggled.

"I'm not letting you have any," she said. My mouth dropped almost instantly as I tackled her, trying to grab the cigarettes. I ripped them out of her hand and ran outside, taking my lighter and smoking one before Bella could chase after me. I sat on the back porch steps.I wasn't listening to the silence of the country. I was listening to Danae's crying on the voice mail machine, acting like we had never broken up. Acting like she forgot every important thing that happened in her life. 

Bella stepped outside, wearing Harry's t-shirt still and my boxers. She had headphones on and she was listening to Frank Ocean, humming to "Golden Girl."

"Take those off for a second," I demanded of her. She sat next to me and happily paused her music, taking her headphones off and looking me in the eyes. Hers were bright green. She had a little freckle above her lip. Her hair was long and wavy. I ran my hand through it and she looked down at her hands. Her nails were painted black. They were long. 

"Zayn, I came out here to talk to you about something," she said. I took my hand out of her hair and looked at her. "Talk? Why? We are always talking. Why don't we just forget about everything and..."

"I know how much you want to do that, but I can't," she said, not looking at me. She didn't even glance my way as she spoke these words. "I don't know when we will be back in Bradford. I don't know if I'm even going to go back to university. I don't know if I'll ever go back to my flat again."

"Why are you saying these things?" I asked her. I took my cigarette out of my mouth because it was making my words sound weird and the smoke trailed over to where Bella was sitting. "Of course we'll go back. Bradford is our home. My home. Yours."

"Zayn, I don't know if I see a future with us anymore," she said. My heart dropped down to my stomach. Where the fuck was this coming from? What was she talking about?

"We should take it easy for a while. Take a break," she said, looking at me now. "I don't know if I can deal with you anymore. You're just so... complicated."

I looked down at the grass and threw my cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. I took Bella by the shoulders and pulled her towards me. "You're not going anywhere," I said. I gripped her shoulders with all my might so she wouldn't wiggle away. But she didn't even make an attempt.

She stepped on my foot and make me let go of her, but I grabbed onto her shirt before she could run away. "Zayn! Stop! You're going to rip it!"

Bella kept fighting it but I pulled her in and picked her up, causing her to fight my arms. But she couldn't- I was to strong for her. "You're not leaving me!" I said.

She jumped out of my arms and onto the grass, stumbling to get up. I grasped my arms around her again and covered her mouth so she wouldn't scream. I could hear her tell me to stop a couple times, but I didn't listen. Once she started to calm down, I placed my lips near her ear and whispered.

"Don't you realize that you're not leaving me?" I pet her hair gently with my free arm and that caused her to calm down a bit. "I'm not letting you go anywhere. You're my girlfriend and that's final."

I let her go and she fell and stumbled up the stairs and she opened the door to endter the house. But before she went inside, she turned around. "You've got me this time," she said quietly, picking up her headphones and iPod. "But maybe you won't be so lucky next time."

I chuckled as I watch her enter the house, picking up my crushed cigarette and sticking it in my mouth just so I had something to chew on.

We said our goodbyes to Harry's mom and dad a few days later. Bella and I really haven't said much to each other, and neither have Harry and I. Bella and I sat on opposite sides of the car. I could feel that my presence made her uncomfortable. She was afraid that I was going to knock the breath out of her again. She wanted to escape me, but she couldn't. 

I knew that when we forgot about our problems is when we were settled the most. Bella liked thinking about things, but when she knows someone is in trouble, she won't sleep. 

"Where are we going to next," Bella said, clearing her throat before she spoke. I smirked. "We're taking a boat to Ireland. Harry has all the money he needs to buy us tickets."

Bella didn't say anything back. She didn't look at me, either. 

My mind forced me into a flashback. I could see Bella's clear eyes in the darkness of her bedroom. She was underneath me, and her fingernails dug into my skin as I made continuous love to her. She didn't make a noise- not a sound escaped from her pink lips. I didn't say anything. Only Tom Petty's smooth voice filled the room as we collapsed onto the bed and laughed. 

You could hear her happiness back then. You could feel her laughter even when she wasn't laughing. She wouldn't cry around me because I was there. She knew that I would keep her safe and she knew that I would always keep her close to me, never to be touched by another man.

At least, I thought that was what she thought. I didn't know that she would soon be scared of me. I didn't know that she wanted me to stay away from her when she was sad. I know that, if it were the summer, she would want me to help her. But it's not the summer, and she isn't asking for my help anymore. It was something that she was going to make me earn back, starting all the way from the beginning again.