Beyond Our Control

Chapter 17

 The world was once all dark. A black endless space that kept going forever. A book had once mentioned that it was once all like that. Filled with nothing. The world was empty. Then one day it was not.

She had wondered what it would have felt like. To be in that endless space. With no one. Nothing. All dark. Then, would she have lost the emotions in her too? She always asked herself if she were to be in that place, would she slowly turn into a black empty space that stretches on forever herself?

She imagined herself in that endless space right now. Trying to numb herself. Her physical self and her mind, her emotions. Blinding out the world she's in. Just her, nothing else, no one else. But the smallest voice chanted the same name over and over again.

Skyler. Skyler. Skyler. Skyler. Skyler.

Why her? Just why her? Why is it her?

She can feel the pain in her chest now. A sob. The voice gets clearer now. Other sounds start to form.

Skyler. Skyler. Skyler. Skyler. Skyler.

No, no, no, no.

It hurt. The name was like a ear rape. She wanted it to stop. To stop the sounds. To stop the emotions that's scrambling up in her chest. To stop all of it. To stop them all. All of it!

It stopped. The names stopped. But she can feel the tears on her cheeks now. And the emotions and feelings were getting clearer now. Her heart pounding against her, she can feel it in her head. Part of it all stopped in front of her. Her eyes were opened again, and her soul came back.

In front of her was Faye. Her deep blue eyes were shaking, she was trembling. Or was it the world? She backed away slowly, staring at her hands. Had she realized something? Had she realized what she did to her? Is that other Faye somehow back now?

She stared at Kenna, fear in her eyes as she backed away. She held her hands up, staring at them as if it had done something terrible. Had she come back?

Kenna found herself unable to talk or say anything. She only stared at Faye, and for a moment she saw someone else in her. Her face felt heated with tears, her lips burned with pain. She could taste the blood in her mouth, her lips felt chapped and ripped. Near her waist she can feel a sting, from the finger nails that dug into her skin. But none of it was as painful compared to this struck of agony in her chest. She can feel all of it so much clearer now.

Faye's eyes were wide with fear written all over them. Her eyes were shaking, was that even possible?

All Kenna managed was crying. The tears splattering down her cheeks like rain. She wanted it all to go away. Especially this swollen part in her that she can't explain.

"K-Kenna, I didn't mean to..." She stopped there. Was it that she can't find any right words? Or was it the tears on Kenna's face? Or was it the blood and imprints on Kenna's lips left by Faye herself?

She felt sick. Sick at herself. She can't believe for a moment that she actually thought that she loved Faye.

There was a long moment of silence as they stared at each other. Ten feet apart, the water between them rushed along the way like nothing unusual happened to them. The coldness in the night hurried through. But none of it was replacing what had happened or what had been done. It couldn't be undone.

Finally Kenna found her voice back and she wanted to forget it all. "I'm going to change back to my clothes. We should head back now, the others will be worried." And she waited with demand in her eyes until Faye turned the other way for her to change. Kenna then got up and helped herself up to shore where her clothes laid.