Beyond Our Control

Chapter 29

 She would've been surprised about what and where the Circumstantial Captivity was if things were different.

Standing outside in front of the small grey cube building that is the Circumstantial Captivity, she couldn't care less about where and how it is. The building itself is only the lobby, the lobby she had always found herself in whenever the blindfold was taken off. There is no blindfold now and she wished there was. Answers to questions unfolded itself right in front of her. The elevator had always gone down, because Circumstantial Captivity is a one hundredth floor underground organization that is supported by their City government. But that isn't important anymore. She wish she could be blinded right now. She had questioned herself why Dr. Novak allowed her to see what all of this looked like and where it is and how, after standing here for an hour, it's become clear that Dr. Novak wants her to know the truth. To know how powerful her organization is against them and how pathetic she and Faye were to think that they could ever rebel that power and control.

A river ran along not too far from here, she stared at it and wondered where it'll ever end. The grass here are mostly dead, among them are weeds cutting through what's barely left of living grass. Light is starting to make its way up while the night air still flows.

She shivered. Without her jacket and only in her t-shirt, it was colder. But she wanted to feel the pain, the cold, every bit of it. She can't allow herself to relax or enjoy any of this, because she isn't and she needed to show that that's true. She needed to prove it.

Small bits of blood managed to creep its way onto her shirt where her shoulders are. She can't feel the pain of Dr. Novak's nails digging into her skin anymore, but it was still there. The blood stains to remind her that she really did try to rebel, that she didn't give in right away, and that was what's left of good in her.

How long has it been? It felt like hours out here when she knew that wasn't true, but that was the reassuring part. Because as long as they never come, she won't have to face the real hard part. Not the cold, not the fresh wound on her shoulders, but the sight of her friends and those who chose to trust her come running toward her. She can picture it already. They'll see that she is somehow already out here when they're here, then they'll notice that she's alone or rather Faye will, and then they'll see the blood stains on her t-shirt, and then they'll know that something is off. And then she'll have to—no, she can't bear to think about after that.

Her teeth clattered together from the cold, icing her. But the freeze made her mind clearer, constantly reminding her of what is happening right now, what she is doing.

It's extremely weird of how one can find out so much in less than an hour about themselves that should rather take a lifetime. And yet, here she is. She had always wanted the truth, because the truth was clear and made sense. Whoever told or made her think of truth that way, that was all crap. The truth didn't make sense, the truth hurted, the truth complicated so many things just now, the truth should never be revealed.

She could only think of what she has done and is doing but all of those thoughts are a thousand times better than one. The thought of Faye.

She would bury anything over the thought of her just to not feel this pain. Faye, her sweet Faye, the girl she fell in love to, the girl who she switched plans for, the girl who she felt like they shared this deep understanding. It was all fake. It was all a setup from Dr. Novak. Kenna was a pawn. And Faye fell for it. But it all felt so real, so so real, how can it be fake? Some part of it all, some of it must have been real, right? It had to be, it couldn't have all been fake. Yes, some part of it was real, Faye must've loved her for at least some part that's her, right?

The truth explained things and it also didn't. The other truths. How can this truth explain why her and Faye's hands fit perfectly into each other if they weren't meant to be? How can this truth explain that first connection she and Faye shared that day when she saved her from drowning? How can this truth explain why whenever she looked into Faye's eyes that she knew her thoughts? How can this truth explain how she, Kenna, was the one to open Faye up again after two years of locking herself out from the world? Skyler, who is long dead by now, her sister or not, she did not open up Faye when she needed her to. It was her, Kenna, she did that. She made Faye smile again. She made her happy. She took away that blank expression. It was her—so why does none of that, none of these truths, stood at her side or helped her? Why did none of these truths make things better?