you're mine

Chapter 19

I stop breathing, and I am pretty sure Gary does too. His hands slowly slide off my body and lift into the air. He doesn't turn around and neither do I. I assume it is Luca behind me, which only gives me more reason to not turn around. My main assumption would be he is here to shoot me for running away. If the situation was reversed and I had kidnapped him, I would be pretty mad at him running away too.

Abruptly, a loud bang echoes through the forest, followed by close and distant scattering of animals. Before I can even processes what is happening, Gary' body slumps to dirt in front of me, his head lies in the most shallow part of the lake.

My mouth fall open and my gaze falls down to my body. A dark, thick fluid coats my muddy outfit. The blood shimmers under the light of the moon and stars and I cant help but think.... is this the last thing I will see?

I wait but nothing happens. No movement is made, no yelling is done, no pain is inflicted. My head slowly turns, my lips separated in shock. When I turn, I see him standing there, also covered in blood.

Luca doesn't move, he just stares back. His chest moves up and down from heavy breathing and his left hand holds a Winchester. We stare at each other, resembling a man and deer. The reflection of the river lights his face.

We still don't speak but he brings himself to sit on the rock beside me and just as he sits down, I burst into tears.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" He finally speaks up.

"You just killed someone!" I look at him in disgust.

"I have killed people in front of you before." Luca tilts his head and speaks in a comforting way.

"That was different, I was in denial! I was scared and I- I convinced myself that... there was good in you. That killing people isn't that bad. But I see the truth now."

"No baby, I done it for you." He tucks some hair behind my ear.

"Don't touch me!" My hand comes up to push him away.

"Don't be mad."

"I am not mad, I am scared. God, I am so scared of you! Because I like you and then I don't. You are really sweet and then you are not. I want to be with you and then I don't!"

"You don't have to be scared of me, I will not hurt you again. I am so sorry I hurt you, I just thought I could scare you into loving me."

"You just killed someone." My voice is in a whisper. I wipe the tears of my soaked cheek.

"But I didn't kill you." He smiles.

"You are crazy."

"I thought you didn't believe in crazy."

"You proved it was real."

There is silence between us and I break out into a sob again.

"Shh, baby don't cry. I am here, I will protect you." He tries to comfort me.

"You are the one I need protecting from!"

Luca sighs and hugs me tightly. My tears fall onto his chest as he cuddles me close to him, rather than my cheek.

"Please let me go." I beg.

"I can't. I love you. And love comes rarely to me, so when I find it, I hold on."

"You don't love me, you can't."

"Oh, but I do. I love you more than anything."

"But I don't love you back." I pull back from the hug and look at him.

"I don't need you too. I just need you to stay with me." Luca smiles warmly at me. He tries to make me feel safe and it's almost like it is working.

"But I don't want to stay with you. Why should I sacrifice my whole life for someone I don't love."

"Stop."

"Stop what?" I frown.

"Stop pretending like the time we have spent together hasn't been the most fun you have ever had. I took you out of your home state, I showed you what is outside of your simulation. Your whole life you have had nothing, and now you have something, some excitement and you don't know how to appreciate it. I understand that, but don't lie about it."

He isn't lying. Everything he says has truth. I do enjoy the excitement he gives me. But is it worth my life?

"I am scared."

"Of what?" He frowns.

"You." I whisper. "You scare me so much. I never know when you are mad or happy, I don't know when you will next turn on me and hurt me. That scares me." I look at my dirty palms.

"If you let yourself have fun, let yourself enjoy me then I wont get mad and I wont hurt you." He stops and looks at the body in front of us. "I will make you a deal."

"What is it?"

"If you let your guard down and enjoy our time together, in a week If you still don't want to be with me, I will let you go. No fighting you or forcing you to stay, you can leave." His jaw twitches and he squints his eyes closed for a split second. "But you have to at least try enjoy this week."

He is right, he did save me. He saved me from a nightmare that was seconds away from happening, and he's comforting me about it.

"Deal."

He nods and looks over at the river.

"I know that isn't easy for you to do." My eyes stay on his face after he looks away. "Thank you." My tone is genuine because I am.

I hate being in this situation, being forced to stay with a murderer. But if I let myself see his side of this for a moment, It doesn't feel so bad.

"Happy birthday." His eyes meet mine.

"Thanks." I blush. "Why did you bring me here?"

"It doesn't matter." He smiles.

"I want to know the story."

"Are you sure?" Luca raises his eyebrows so slightly I almost didn't notice.

I nod.

"My grandad took me camping once. Not on this site but it was pretty close. I wanted to take you to that one but when we drove past, the land had been turned into a slaughter house. When we went, it was the best three days of my whole life. And I wanted to experience that with you." His blue eyes look deep into mine, like he is  trying to look straight into my mind and read what it says. "We ate sugar filled food and stargazed and he shared all his best stories with me. My favourite one was when he said he fought burglars in Europe. They broke into his house and the fight went on for hours, karate kid style."

He laughs but stops instantly to look at me.

"That sounds... really sweet. I am sorry I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin it. I still enjoyed it up until I woke up and you were gone. You have no idea how afraid I was that something bad had happened." His jaw clenches. "But here you are with me and safe."

"No, I did, You are right. I should try enjoy our time together, it will go a lot easier." I nod slowly.

When I look up, I notice the stars are hardly visible anymore. The sky is a much lighter blue now too.

"Luca?"

"Hm?" I look at his lips and lean in, filling the gap between us and caressing his lips with my own.

This kiss was different from the previous ones. It felt deeper and more desperate; from both sides.

As my lips linger on his, I realise something. I wasn't scared of him, I was scared of myself. Although some part of me was scared of him hurting me, that wasn't my main fear. My main fear was I would still like him after it. This kiss didn't make me realise there is something wrong with me, it made me realise I don't mind that there is.