Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
CHRISTOPHER "I never told my mom about me being molested by my baby sitter when I was that age. I didn't think she would believe me."
I spoke up at Star. She nodded and kept eye contact with me. I can't believe someone is actually listening to me without judging, for a change. It made me feel somewhat good about myself.
"That's also understandable. A lot of kids feel like their parents wouldn't believe them, or the predator threatens the kids not to tell. Did she ever threaten you?"
"No. I was just afraid that my mom wouldn't believe me."
"Oh, okay. Continue, I'm listening."
"So, a little bit after my mom got rid of the baby sitter, that's when I started acting out. No one really had no clue what was happening, so my mom took me to the doctor. They checked me out physically, and that's when they found the evidence of sexual abuse."
"How did you and your mom react when she found out?"
"I remember being relieved that I wasn't the one who had to come out and tell her. But my mom? I remember her going insane. She pressed charges as soon as she could, and the girl got arrested."
"That's wonderful news. Even though I know her getting locked up didn't bring you any justice. Because you can't take back the damage that's already done."
"Exactly. But I knew it would stop her from doing it to other little kids. Anyways, it wasn't until months later when I started getting tested for the mental illnesses. I've been on my medications for them ever since."
"Wow. I can't even imagine being that young of an age, and already having to take medications like that. I'm sorry you had to start so early."
"It's okay. There's not much I can do about it."
I shrugged it off. Star wrote something down in her notepad, looking back up at me.
"Tell me a little bit about your jail time and domestic violence history, if you don't mind."
"Like I said before, I grew up in a violent home. My dad was always beating my mom up until she was able to finally get away. So, I never seen an example of a healthy relationship. Jayden probably told you I've been in and out of jail for the last ten years. But the truth is, I've been in and out of jail since I was fifteen years old. I'm now thirty four. Between the domestic violence and other crimes I was committing."
"What other crimes have you committed, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Robberies, driving under the influence, driving without a license, drug dealing, possession of drugs, possession of an unlicensed gun. Basically everything you can think of."
I couldn't believe that I was actually opening up this easily. I never really did that for anyone before.
"I appreciate you being honest with me, Chris. You're doing a great job, you're already making progress. Now, what exactly led up to you being in here?"
"I just broke up with my ex. I ended up getting very angry at her, almost hurt her very badly, Jayden had to stop me. Everything after that is a blur. But, I might remember me popping some pills trying to overdose and I slit my wrist. And here we are."
"Thank you for telling me. What do you want to see for your future?"
"I don't really know what I wanna do. I don't feel like I'm good at nothing. My probation officer said I have to get my shit together, before I end up in jail for life or dead. And I don't really wanna end up dead, you know? I just want all the mental pain to stop. It's too much for me to handle. I just wish I could be a normal man without all of these issues."
"It's not your fault. You can't help it. The good thing is, you agreed to therapy, and you're staying on your medications. That's great for starters. You should be proud of yourself. Keep it up, and you'll be out of here and no time."
Star smiled at me, causing me to slightly smile back at her. It wasn't a huge smile, but it was the first smile I've had on my face in God knows how long.
"My apologies for interrupting your session, but time is up."
Michael peaked his head in the door. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Star stood up from the chair and shook my hand.
"It was very nice meeting you and talking to you, Chris. I'll be back next week, same time. Hopefully you're out of here soon, and you can come to my actual office. It's way more comforting in there."
"Yeah, I bet. I'll see you next week, Star..."
"Great. Take care, Chris. Take care, Michael."
Star gave off one last smile before walking out of the room. Michael then looked at me.
"How you feeling? Any better?"
"Do you think imma just magically feel better after one fucking therapy session? Fuck off."
"Watch your mouth, Brown. Let's get you out of here and over to the group meeting."
