I loved you first(BoyxBoy)

~Chapter 18~

I'm trying to keep writing and to keep updating as soon as possible. xx

*Trigger warning*

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|Zayn's POV|

Why? why did I leave when Niall needed me the most?

I was tired.Tired of everyone just judging me for everything. I'm trying to make everyone happy but I learned that trying to please others I've lost myself.

I wanted to please my parents. Make them proud of me by getting good grades and playing football.I hate football.I only did it so I could please my dad and make him proud of me.

He was the star in his team back in the day and he wants me to be the star too.so I have to.

I don't want to disappoint him more than I am already. I do drugs, I fuck around, and I hate authority.

Playing football makes him forget I do all those things so I continue to play.

My mom wants me to be good in school. That's practically impossible because I'm failing all my subjects expect lunch.

She thinks I'm passing because I take someone else's report card and pass them as mine. See?

I'm a fucking disappointment no wonder my real parents left me.I made a promise to myself I would not turn into them but I guess I'm just like them.

Louis was the last straw.He blamed ME for Niall's unconsciousness when I clearly had no fucking clue why he fainted.

I really do like Niall...I think I even love him but what I did is no excuse for me to leave him and for Lewis to do all the work.

Who the fuck does that?....oh right me, the fucking screw up who can't do shit right.

I wish for just ONE time I could actually do something right and be proud of myself.

What will Niall think when he wakes up and I'm not there?

Louis is his boyfriend I know but I love Niall and I have to fight for him.

Never in my years have I ever felt for ANYONE the way I feel for him.

Just being with him makes me feel I can do whatever I put my mind to.He gives me hope that I can be a better person and I can change for the better.

When I was little I always wanted to marry someone who can make me feel something I can't explain.

I wanted to be with someone who will love me for me...including all my flaws.Trust me I have many flaws but I will get better just for them.

I was straight all my life.I wanted a wife and many kids.I hated gays because they just disgusted me.Now that I'm older I now realize I want all those things with Niall and only Niall

He's so beautiful and quite shy, but he can be fiesty when he wants to.

Everything about him is just perfect ,even his bruises.

I wanna kiss each and every one of his bruises and be the one who will love him unconditionally.

I don't care if his body is covered in bruises that's what shows me he's a warrior.He's been through hell with that fucking guy and he's still fighting because he's a strong person.

We're both messed up but that's what makes us perfect for each other. Our differences make us who we are and I wanna show him that being different is a good thing.

I know for a fact his life is hell and mine is to but we can fix each other with a mighty force we call love.

I just can't leave him in this condition. why would I leave when he's all I ever care about.