💜 SMG3's Gay Thoughts 💜

💀💜Gay thought #89💜💀

SMG3's note: We're sorry to interrupt our daily dose of lore to write about Sunday's latest episode! Yeah I said that I'll continue today but I changed my mind so suck it up! Your man is still dealing with life and I didn't sleep at all so oop. Without further ado, enjoy reading my gay thoughts!

Dear Diary,

Today it's another busy day at the coffee shop, which it's great! I guess you can say that it's booming. (I love bad jokes, come at me) I was about to serve a cup of coffee to a weird looking devil until I heard annoying hyperventilation noises from...ugh. Boopkins. I walk towards him, still holding the cup as the customer yells at me. I look at the walking booger angrily. "Boopkins! You're creeping out the customers again! Go away!" The frightening salad said that it's terrible because he won a date in a contest like what? How the hell is that a bad thing? The weeb tells me that he entered a contest to get a rental girlfriend. My face deadpan right away as soon as he pulled out the sheet of the contest. "Wow. That's actually the most pathetic thing you've ever done.-" He explained to me that he didn't think he'd actually win, the date is tonight, doesn't know what to do and has never been on a date before. I shut him up by covering his mouth like I really don't care and didn't ask for it. "Now go have a panic attack in the dumpster or something. I've got a cafe to run!" I let go of his stupid mouth and walked away because I don't have time to deal with his shit. As soon as I walked away, I overheard what he said about the TV broadcast then I stopped and stared back at him. My customer is stretching their noodle arm to grab the cup but I move back away like a rock and they drop on the floor which I didn't pay attention to at all. Excuse me whaaaaaat? What kind of competition is this? Boopkins explains once again that his "girlfriend" is super famous and will film the date. That...gives me an idea. Boopkins on a date with a famous girl? And the date's gonna be on TV? That means a lot of people will be watching! And if they have their date at the cafe...You know exactly what I was thinking. Money...Money...Plenty of money... "Oh, I know! Let me help! I can make sure you have the best date ever!" The booger questioned me about my love life. Bitch are you living under the rock? I'm dating SMG4 for crying out loud! Oh right...we...didn't tell anyone about our relationship yet...Let's keep it that way and say I've been on a million dates! Duh! ...Okay maybe not a million but that's how I got my famous nickname! The rizzler! He thanked me while picking him up like a shopping bag and headed to my bedroom.

Boopkins looks super excited with his big brown eyes and smile wider. Okay...We need to make sure his date thinks he's super cool so let's see his cool side! The salad looks confident then pulls out a chest and opens it with a bunch of anime shit while explaining everything. I was baffled...He's such a WEEB! No wonder he can't get bitches! Wait, fanfiction? He wrote a FANFICTION!? I told him to shut the fuck up and nobody care about his fanfiction! Who in their right mind wants to read that!? I clap my hands to burn his anime collection down. He really needs to step up his rizz game...I mean, I'm somewhat a tumblr sexyman myself! At this moment, I would love to call SMG4 for help but I would rather not so I pull out a knuckle girl instead and being a magical pretty princess that I am, I change into my suit in Sailor Moon style! Lemme show you how it's done loser! My rizz game was on point by smooth talk to the knuckle and it worked! Boopkins tried it and the knuckle was so disappointed that they burned themselves to death. This is gonna be harder than I thought... Since his terrible acting won't win her over. Maybe a gift will! If it has ANYTHING to do with anime or cocomelon then don't bother! Every girl wants something daring yet endearing...something like...I look at my desk for an ideal gift until I see my Valentine's Day gifts for SMG4... Heart shaped box of chocolate...bouquet of pretty flowers...lipstick...wait, ignore that part and my ring box with the wedding ring on that I'll eventually propose to him... Just thinking about it makes me so happy...In 3 weeks bb, we will celebrate together and treat you like a prince! I love you from the bottom of my emo heart and hopefully you will say yes to the proposal...I got sidetracked a little then picked up a masterpiece to show Boopkins the gift. He didn't appreciate my offer so we moved on into something else. You're a short motherfucker and nobody likes you! (plays my flute intensifying) Me and Eggdog are helping Boopkin to grow "taller" and suit him up before the date starts soon.

With success, the date begins at my cafe as I'm gonna be the host and waiter at the same time. "Thank you for dining at SMG3's coffee and bombs." I slap the mistake fish and walk away so I don't interrupt their date while grinning nervously. Of course, he fucked up so I help him by moving his lips to talk and control him for a bit. I gave the gift to Miku and inside of it was a rock with a cute bow on their head. What? Am I stupid or something? Anyway I somehow behind the counter held a sign that said "ACT COOL" Welp, that didn't work so I coughed harshly to get his attention while holding another sign that said "NO! Think of stuff I WOULD DO". The moment he said "commit war crimes", it's all over now and I facepalm so hard that I can't feel my face anymore. Desperate times call for desperate measures as I grab two cheesecake stock images and walk towards their table. "ALRIGHT, TIME FOR DESSERT!" The papers drop on the table like that video of the waffle flop on the counter then I tell Boopkins that he's doing well as I insert an airpod inside of his ear? Fins? Whatever dude...I'm taking over by talking to him so he better listen to me! I was wrong, oh this is my shopping list but wait, why is he repeating to me idiot? DAMNIT MY RIZZ ISN'T WORKING! C'MON INTERNET HELP ME! Why of course, time to be a sigma Chad! Thanks Andrew Tate! Oh shit Michael! Uhh wait a minute, whatever her name is, punch the shit out of Boopkins and exit the coffee shop when the sad pathetic weeb is crying like a baby. I head out as well to have a chat with her and explain what's going on while mentioning my cafe's popularity. I have no choice but to stop her by hugging her legs and clarify that Boopkins didn't do anything wrong except being a goddamn loser and give him one more chance...please...I watch them by the door with a proud smile until I turn around on the camera to advertise my coffee shop. Man, I'm so good at this! The date is over, the TV crew are leaving and Miku waves goodbye to us happily. Boopkin turns his body towards me with a big smile as mine drops and looks shocked. "Huh? Why are you looking at me like that?" Oh god here we go with his stupid short ass speech about being yourself. "Ok shop's closed.-" Don't ask how I got the bulldozer but I ran into him out of my shop gladly with an explosion while hearing his scream. I am not doing this ever again...But at least I'm gonna be famous with my coffee shop so yippee!!

~SMG3

{This is SMG3! I hope you enjoy reading this! If there's an episode tomorrow that includes me, I'll write about it but if it's a short notice, I'll still write but continue the lore so multitasking is great! :D Now excuse me while I'm practicing my rizz game in the mirror for Valentine's Day and to impress my man, later losers!}