Broken Relations

I would lose eitherways

Isha’s pov: 

I looked up at my son’s face. The pain, dissapointment and anger clearly visible in his eyes. I was beyond happy when I saw him sitting on my bed, comforting me. It took a while for me to realize that it wasn’t a dream. My son was for real here in front of me! He had made milkshake for me, chocolate milkshake. We drank it together like we used to when he was little. Bappa, he is so big now, so mature, I can’t believe it. Why Bappa, why, did I have to miss the opportunity to see him growing? Why? 

He was looking at me, standing right there beside me. He wanted to know the truth. Tears were flowing from his eyes as well as my eyes. Nothing hurts more then seeing your son cry and it hurts more when you know that you are the reason for it. I just looked a while at him, not knowing what to do, what to say. I know I had to tell him the truth. He is my son, he will not give up that easily and not when he got the chance to talk to me after whole 15 years. 

"Aai, please bolo mujhe sach kya hai, aise khaamosh kyun baithi hai aap, aai? Please, aap mujhe bataw nah aai” he said in a pleading tone.

My heart ached seeing him like this. No, this was enough, he had suffered too much. He just asked me one thing, the truth. He didn’t believe the lies of akkasaheb. He didn’t hate me. What else could I ask? He deserves to know the truth. I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away. I stood up from my bed, with much difficulty as my body was still aching. I stood right before him and took both his hands in my hands.

“Inn 15 saalon mein, har ek din, har ek pal, har ek breakfast mein, Maine bhi tujhe bohot zyada miss kiya. Main bhi chahati thi ki main tere liye khaana banaw, jab tu koii award jeeten, yah pass ho toh main tere paas hoon, tujhe yeh kehne ke liye ki, beta I am proud of you, garv hai mujhe tumpar. Main bhi chahati thi ki me tere paas rahoon, jab tu udaas ho, jab tujhe mere zaroorat ho, tere Sahara banna chahati thi. Tum nahi jaante Ishu, koii nahi jaanta ki ek maa ke liye uske bacche kya maayne rakhti hai. Jab se usse Pata chalta hai ki woh pregnant hai, us hi pal se woh zindagi bhar ke sapne sajaane lagti hai. Pregnancy ke 9 mahine mein hi woh sochne lag jaati hai ki jab uska baccha iss duniya mein aa jayegi toh woh kya kya karegi. Maine bhi yeh saare sapne dekhe the Ishu. Aur jiss din maine tujhe janam diya, jis pal maine tujhe pehli baar apni baahon mein liya, mujhe pata tha ki mere liye tum meri duniyaan ho. Tum aur tumhara baba mere zindagi ke woh hisse ho, joh agar na ho nah toh zindagi adhuri hi rehjaata hai. Uss pal se nah Ishu, main ek aai thi, tumhare aai hogayi thi main, aur main bohot zaada khush thi. Mujhe sab experience karna tha. Tumhare sharartiyaan, tumhare badmashiyan, tumhara pyaar, tumhara gussa har ek cheez. Tumhara parwarish mein karna chahati thi. Garmiyon mein tumhare aur tumhare baba ke saath, saat jaa kar Ice Cream khaana tha, sardiyon mein tumhare liye apne haathon se sweater bunna tha, har din tere liye khaana banana tha, aur jab tu kaafi bada hojaata toh tere saath saath mein khaana banati. Tere school ke projects mein tera help karti, tere saath khoop masti karti. Yeh saare chote, Bade sapne na Ishu, Maine dekhte the, m..main tumhare aur Shantanu ke saath hamesha rehna chahati thi, tum logo ke paas rehkar main khush thi, mere duniyaan ho tum logo. Mere jeene ki wajha.” I brought out, while the tears were flowing down my eyes. Ishan was also crying, I knew that the truth would be bitter, but he had to know, and I had to tell him that I was as broken as he was. That’s why I poured my heart in front of him. 

"Phir aap hame chodke kyun chaligayi aai? Aapka har dekhi huï sapna sach hosakta tha nah aai, aap mere paas rehsakti thi nah, kyun chaligayi, aai?” 

I moved my hands to his face, trying to wipe off his tears. I nodded

“Haa beta, main rehsakti thi tere paas, apna har sapna pura karsakti thi, agar..agar mujhe majboor nahi kiya jaata.”