WITH YOU!

92. Aunt!

AISHA

It's been a week since that incident, & I feel better, at least a lil better, all thanks to the Khuranas. They all have come like a ray of hope in my lonely & dark life...

DARK... Even this word now is enough to scare the shit out of me! I sleep lighting all the lights of my room, along with that of washroom, closet, & also the lights outside my room, & then also I can't get a proper sleep, without nightmares.

I even close the curtains of my window, shutting them down so that dark can't even be seen by me, & also what if those wolves enter my room again? No no no, no taking of any risk!

Vivaan came to my room, but I know it's difficult to sleep in these lights, so I sent him away, but he never listens, & sleeps with me only, in this heavily lit room.

He tried to come closer, but I got a panic attack & he got so worried. Thank God he controlled me, my Savior! Only he can save me from the whole world, & from my own demons & past.

He was so upset with himself, & I was cursing myself! How can he be so patient to bear up with my such crazy attitude? I want to, I really want to let him touch me, let me make his, but no, every time he tries to go further than a few kisses, I loose myself to my insecurities, to my pain, to my dark side...

I hate myself for being so weak, so breakable, but I know my Vivaan will join me up, even if the world breaks me!

He is the only one I trust upon, I lean upon, & I trust him more than myself! I needn't pretend to be happy, to be joyful in front of him, I needn't pretend to be perfect for him, as he gets when I'm acting, & reads myself better than me.

I hate to be so easily readable in front of his eyes, when nobody in the past six years could even see a tear of mine. I thought I'm good at hiding, but oh, how wrong was I! It's just that they didn't have the eyes to see them, as they never wanted to.

I was never this free with anyone as I'm with my Vivaan. Thinking about him & only him, I prepared his & Avi Bhai's lunch & came out of the kitchen, only to stay surprised.

"Aish!" I was engulfed into a bear hug by the twins, followed by my other friends, one by the other.

But I was loathing anybody's touches currently. I don't want even myself to touch me! Only Vivaan's touches can relax me, while others just are making me feel suffocated, as I felt difficulty in breathing.

I was panting, & this was observed by Alex thankfully, but not so thankfully.

"Hey hey Aisha, you ok?" asked he holding my shoulders, as I started struggling to come out of his hold.

Nobody, not even Vidhi knows about that night, except for the Khurana Brothers & me. & I'm thankful they never talked about Sam or that night to anyone, not even to me.

"Hey hey Doll, you don't look okay!" spoke James, as they both hugged me again, together. Their hugs were suffocating me, for no reason, as they held my waist, rubbing their hands in soothing manner, which were making me feel paranoid.

"I-I, ahem, l-leave me, w-water...." I made an excuse, as they left me, & I was passed a glass of water, & then I fake smiled, & sat at the single couch, not wanting to be touched or observed by anyone. My mood was already spoiled, & my heart was beating frantically. I don't want anyone to have any hint about me not being well, both internally & externally.

"Better now?" asked Sid quirking his perfect brow at me, as I nodded.

"Good then!" spoke Vidhi, who looked worried, as James hugged her from behind & I narrowed my eyes at them, as he kissed her cheek, holding her waist tightly, making me chock on my water.