Love Always, From Mayberry

Chapter forty six

Ten years later.
Waking up in a completely empty apartment was just the serenity I needed. The sound of my phone's alarm clock was the only disruptive noise I'd encountered since I moved into my own apartment and out of my parents' house two days ago. I was returning to work that evening at my long time job at the local nursing home but this was my first shift there as a nurse. I had been a CNA since directly after high school and had finally went back to the local community college to obtain my nursing license. Nursing had never been a career I thought I would choose. I only had chosen to get my CNA license so I could find a job making more than minimum wage but after my first shift as a CNA some how taking care of the elderly gave me a sense of purpose.

Mom still worked in the hospital but I wasn't sure if the hospital would ever be a job I would like but over the years I've learned to never say never. After hers and dads reunion, mom took to working a lot less to try and mend their marriage. Apart of me wished they had stayed separated. Their constant fighting was part of the reason I was so happy to be on my own, that and my relationship with Jonathan's son, Drew, always made for family drama given the situation. I knew Drew and I were never meant to be together but after putting four years into a person I knew this breakup would be difficult regardless of the fact I knew I wasn't in love with him. I did love him and dreaded hurting him. Loving someone and being in love with them was two very different things.

I hadn't turned the heat on when I went to bed because I was so hot natured but it was so much colder than I thought it would be. Training myself to sleep during the day was going to be my biggest obstacle in transitioning from CNA to nurse. That and the constant sad texts from Drew had me sleeping very little.

Drew: Please answer my calls. Text me back. Say something, this is killing me.

With each text I got from him my heart broke for him. When you're breaking a heart it hurts almost worse than having your own broken. I knew I couldn't play miss innocent when it came to Drew. We shouldn't have ever dated to begin with. Anyone close to me had been against it and while a lot of it was due to the town's racism, some people's opinions had been valid. Drew and I had developed such a strong friendship but for me the intense, butterflies, in love feeling was never there. But being with Drew was easy because we did get along so well. Spending time with him had became a safety blanket for me after a previous toxic relationship. While Drew wasn't perfect and did stray from our relationship more than once I think in a lot of ways I had pushed him to it by pushing him away. I quickly texted him back telling him I would talk to him this weekend. I knew I couldn't put this off much longer. He knew it was coming, I was only hurting him more by dragging out the final blow.

Driving to work I couldn't help but think of all Drew had done for me. When my mom left his father to return to my dad, he supported me in ways I could never repay. When my relationship and engagement prior to him ended, he was there. When I felt like ending my life, he was there. When I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bulimia, he was there. There was so many times that I had no one but Drew. Breaking his heart felt so wrong but staying with someone you're not in love with is keeping him and I both from finding someone we did have that real, unconditional fairy tale love with. I just knew there was someone out there for him but it wasn't me.

Deep down I knew he wasn't happy with me, either. As strong as our friendship was we'd never been very compatible as lovers. As kind as he was as a person he was rough and demanding with sex. Eventually I had gotten to where I had cut him off completely, well aware he'd find sexual relations outside our relationship and when I realized I was ok with that, I realized it was already over between us. Instead of becoming jealous I felt relief. We had already broken up and gotten back together a couple times during our four years together but jealousy over the other usually brought us back together but this time I wasn't jealous. I actually hoped he'd find another soon. I knew it was over for good.

Thoughts of Drew immediately left my mind upon clocking in. I wasn't nearly as nervous as I should have been for my first nursing shift of my career as Monica had became a nurse years prior and was working the shift with me, I knew she wouldn't let me fail. Monica had went away to university after completing two years at the local community college and completed her bachelor's in nursing. Her and I remained very close after high-school.

Third shift was something I'd never worked as a CNA and I wasn't excited about doing it now. I planned to get off third shift as soon as humanly possible.

The shift was a forever long med pass that seemed to go on for hours with little time in between giving medications. I missed the conversation and time I had got to spend with the residents as a CNA.

Sitting down for a break was a relief to my feet. Monica heated up a microwave meal as I sat staring into space rehearsing how I planned my conversation with Drew to go this weekend, trying to remember each time I had been heartbroken and trying to think of how I wished they'd done it differently, then realizing no matter what they'd done I'd have been just as hurt.

"Whit, are you ok? Like you're eating ok and everything right?" Monica looked up across from me already eating her dinner. Everyone that knew me was forever asking this since I'd had such issues with food and eating in years previous, especially when I was going through a sad event such as a breakup, but this breakup was different. I was the bad guy.

"Yeah, I just don't know how I'm going to adjust to this third shift nonsense. I'm not sure when my body will feel like eating when it's supposed to be asleep, ya know?" Monica nodded as I pulled out my phone to try and stay awake.

I had several missed calls from a number I didn't recognize and they were calling again. Who in the world would call me at this hour? It was nearly 1AM. I know Drew was really wanting to talk but he wouldn't go as far as to trick me into answering him from a different number or call me knowing I was working.

I look at Monica confused as I answer the phone.
"Hey, Whitney, it's Steven. I know it's late and it's been a while but I seen you in the newspaper where you graduated nursing school and...." Steven trailed off as I remained silent and in complete shock not knowing what to say while Monica is staring holes through my head. "And I just wanted to tell you congratulations, I guess?" His voice sounded unsure.

"Steven, are you ok?" Monica's facial expression was one of full engagement at my mention of Steven.
I hadn't heard from Steven personally in several years. He had called me the night before his wedding to the mother of his child in a full panic telling me he didn't want to marry her but felt forced. He had asked me what to do and I foolishly had told him to marry her. I had met the girl briefly a couple of times and she was always nice and polite around me but their relationship had been one of constant drama that was constantly aired out on social media, most of it looked to be at the fault of Steven to be quite honest.

"I'm ok, I work out of state. I'm in California so I'm three hours behind you. I'm sorry, I forgot it was so late until I had already called." After all these years I could recognize Steven's voice anywhere. I could almost see him smirking through the phone. I was still silent not knowing what to say.

"I'll be coming home this weekend and it'll be an extended stay. Wendy and myself are finalizing our divorce so I'll be home for about a week. I'd love to see you, if Drew doesn't mind." In an instant I was back in high-school. Some stories are never really over.