(I advise you to listen to "nothings new" by rio romeo or "landslide" by oh wonder while reading this for a better experience)
8th of March 1996
(Tw:drug use and mentions of eating disorders and abuse)I had always sworn to myself I'd never Lower myself to my mother's level I had always yelled I would never do drugs and I would never even try them
These past weeks have been tough in the sense that I had to go home on multiple occasions to try to revive my mother from an overdose she had relapsed twice as hard this time and I had to drag her out her own vomit my father was laughing at me In his drunken state and he just drank more as he watched me
He then yelled at me for not cleaning my mother's mess and beating me into a black eyeI thought he was getting better that things where looking up he was behaving nicely and hadnt done anything for a while and I was convinced he was changing but I shouldnt have been so naive because this time his fists felt like a punishment for my own stupidity for trusting him
I stopped eating again and I stopped going out with friends as this took way to much of my energy and I couldn't stand watching the others be happy and pretending like nothing was going on while I was trying so hard to make my father happy and nothing was working and my face was looking more blue by the day
My drinking started picking up as it became a crutch for me now and it made the cuts and bruises on my body feel a lot less painful but even then was the pain never really gone and I was getting tired of being berated for being drunk in class I wanted something better
A painkiller but even they didnt work and wizards didnt like tinkering with pain medication as that Is very dangerous and can be lethal
I considered something else i had always sworn I would never fall into I tried to put my mind off of it and kept telling myself not to do it because I had already seen how it can affect someone but after 5 days of a constant war in my mind I caved and asked a deatheater with a few connections
And that evening I snuck out of gryffindor tower after curfew and went into hogsmead to get myself 100mg of tramadol (a powerful pain medication)
It was such a horrible feeling doing it and I knew I was doing something bad but when I was walking back staring at the little plastic back with a two little white pills inside it I suddenly knew what my mother had feltShe just wanted to get rid of her pain and although it wasnt the same drug and not even the same type or effect I suddenly felt that I had been judging her wrong all this time
I sat in my dorm behind the closed curtains of my bed viewing the two little pills like they where gonna jump out and bite me and decided I wasnt gonna take them yet
The next day
That morning father asked me home once more and when I refused to get him more liquor he beat me and even smashimg my head into the wall and grabbing my chin so harshly I almost felt my jaw split under the pressureI got back at the castle after he let me go and went to get himself some liquor
The pain was throbbing through my head and I had landed in a random hallway I looked down and saw the blood dripping from my faceThe pills in my pocket felt so attractive at this point and I took them out the little plastic with shakey hands almost dropping them on the floor and in one swift move I swallowed them and sat myself down against a wall
It took a few minutes to start working and my head felt like it was split open but once the pills worked my pain suddenly lifted all at once making me almost moan in pleasure because of it
I felt light in my head and I knew it was because of the drug but it soon turned into a very dizzy feeling and I stared up at the ceilingThis was gonna become a problem and I knew it but it felt so good it's only a matter of time till someone notices my behavior making a drastic 180° and If they did it wouldn't be good
But for now the pain was gone and that was all that counted to me
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(Little note to end the chapter)
If your going through this situation please speak up and seek help I am in no way promoting or advising this kind of behavior
Do not do drugs and if you do please tell someone and get the help you need
Drugs are never the answer and they should never be seen as such
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Born A Weapon
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