close to my dialling heart

16🌹dorm allocations

🎶And if you go, I wanna go with you. And if you die, I wanna die with you. Take your hand and walk away🎶
~System Of A Down~

DOVE 🕊

I stood before the mirror, my index finger tracing the outline of my lips. They felt no different, yet the memory of his lips on mine lingered vividly. Why did it feel so exquisite? Why did I yearn for more? Was it because Xavier was the one who had kissed me? I couldn't help but feel a thrill of excitement that he had been my first kiss. But I was overthinking it. Xavier had likely forgotten the moment it happened. For me, however, it was a first.

Nana would be appalled if she discovered what I had done. She would be furious if she knew I had let a boy kiss me, especially if she knew it was Xavier.

"I'm still curious," Mal said, interrupting my thoughts. "You spent a night with Xavier?"

I sighed, knowing Elaila couldn't keep secrets from Mal. "Yes, but nothing weird happened. I was just too scared to sleep alone, so I asked him to stay." "And he did?" I nodded, and Mal exclaimed, "Wow!" "Why? Is it bad?" I asked, unsure. "No, you're lucky. Girls throw themselves at him, they literally go nude and yet, you've caught his attention without even trying." Mal smiled. "Do you like him?" I hesitated, unsure of how to respond. If I said no, I'd be lying. If I said yes, I'd still be lying, because I didn't understand the feelings I was experiencing. But if I did like him... wouldn't that be a problem?

I wondered what Xavier saw girls as, since he ignored the rest, why would he consider someone as boring as me? It was clear he only hung out with me out of pity.

Mal asked, "You do right?" Oh, I forgot I had a hanging question. "No, I don't. It's just weird because he's the first guy I've hung around with so much."

"I get you. But Xavier is alluring. You can't hang around with him so much and still not get enchanted by his charisma. It's impossible." She spoke like she was speaking from experience. That just made me curious.

"Do you like him?" "Huh, no. I don't do guys." She said it so casually, but my mind lingered on her words. "What do you mean?" "I like girls." I almost gasped, but pressed my lips together. Not that I was homophobic, but the news caught me off guard.

"Yep." She nodded nervously, her lips pursing with a slight "pop" sound. Somehow, she looked vulnerable. "I know that for someone religious, you have a lot on your mind. But it's okay, I come from a religious family, so I'm kinda used to judgment." She chuckled, but it sounded hurt.

"I'm not going to judge you, Mal," I said, taking a deep breath. "I came from a single-sex school, so this kind of thing was pretty normal. I'm not homophobic, and I'm sure you know I'm not one to judge another's choices."

"Thank you... okay, so... you should tell Xavier you like him," Mal said with a hint of persuasion.

"Jesus, Mal, I don't like Xavier," I protested, at least, I thought I didn't.

"Okay, baby girl," Mal said, waving her hands in the air to brush it off. "If you say so." I sensed sarcasm in her tone.

"Mal?" I whined, noticing the sarcasm still lingered.

"Okay... you don't," Mal said, trying to use a different tone, but the hint of sarcasm remained.

The door slammed open, and only Elaila could make an entrance so dramatic. "My... have you guys heard?" She dropped onto my bed beside me, looking exhausted, though we all knew she was just being her usual dramatic self.

"Heard what?" I asked, curious. Mal looked just as intrigued.

"There's going to be dorm allocations," Elaila announced, flopping back against the mattress with a whine. "They're doing that again."