close to my dialling heart

20🌹a bond unseen

🎶we are not equal parts. Light and dark, we can be brilliant🎶
                            ~Nilu~

DOVE 🕊

I couldn't help but wonder if I was too caught up in desire to have let things go so far. From my perspective, only two people in love engage in such intimate acts, and I wouldn't have allowed just anyone to do that with me. So why did I let Xavier? Was it simply because it was him? I questioned my actions, knowing Xavier hadn't shown any romantic feelings towards me. As for me, did I have feelings for Xavier? I couldn't quite decipher my emotions, and I didn't want to explore them further.

Unrequited love can be a painful experience, so I chose to brush it off as a momentary lapse. We were just two people enjoying each other's company, laughing and talking in his room, which led to a charged atmosphere. Whatever happened, it meant nothing.

-I woke up early and retreated to my room before anyone else stirred. Luckily, my roommates had left the door open, a rare courtesy. I quickly got ready, donning a white polo-neck long-sleeved shirt and black overall dress, and slipped into my white All-stars sneakers. I tied my hair into a messy bun, trying to shake off the lingering discomfort from the previous night. But the tension between my legs refused to let me forget.

As I packed my books into my white tote bag, I noticed something odd. My books had been replaced with shoe boxes. I felt a surge of frustration. It was clear my roommates were looking for ways to annoy me. Just then, Celine's voice pierced the air, "Hey, Dove... how was your night with Xavier?" I spun around, facing her. "How did it feel?" she asked, her tone dripping with malice. I stood firm, "How did what feel?" I repeated, my eyes locked on hers. "Who told you I was with Xavier?" I demanded, trying to keep my cool. Celine smirked, "Where else would you have been? You don't exactly have friends who care about you, darling." Her words stung, but I refused to let her get under my skin. At least Xavier cared, right?

Celine's parting shot hit me like a dagger: "And don't think you're lucky this dorm was open for you; next time, you'll be locked out." I slammed the wardrobe door in frustration, the thud echoing through the room. Her constant bullying was exhausting. "Thanks, Celine," I forced out, trying to sound neutral.

The other girls snickered, no doubt entertained by Celine's verbal sparring with me. I took a deep breath, gripped my tote bag tightly, and prepared to leave. But before I could, Celine yanked my hair, causing me to yelp in pain. 'Did that hurt? Or are you so used to it because Xavier does it better?' Her words were laced with venom, and I struggled to comprehend her twisted logic.

"Let go of my hair!" I demanded, trying to keep my emotions in check. Celine released her grip, a wicked grin spreading across her face. "I wasn't done talking to you." I stood firm, despite her attempts to intimidate me. "What do you want, Celine? Why are you treating me like this?"

Her chuckle sent shivers down my spine. "I just want to know what your problem with me is. Is it Xavier? If so, why take it out on me?" I pleaded, my voice cracking. Celine's eyes gleamed with malice. "You can fool everyone with your innocence, but not me, right?" I bristled at her insinuation. "I'm not fooling anyone, and I never claimed to be innocent."

I needed to escape before things escalated further. "Can I please go to class now?" I asked, feeling like I needed permission to breathe. Celine's smile grew wider as she nodded. "Okay, go on." Her sudden acquiescence only made me more uneasy, and I hastened out of the dorm.

...

I arrived at class early, seeking some solitude before the chaos began. As I waited, I opened my diary and started sketching, lost in thought. But when I looked down, I was surprised to see a naked chest with a Yin Yang tattoo taking shape on the page. It was as if my hand had moved on its own, guided by some unseen force. The drawing was surprisingly detailed, with a brain on the Yin side and a heart on the Yang side. I couldn't help but wonder what it meant.