close to my dialling heart

22🌹falling deeper

🎶secrets that I have held in my heart are harder to hide than I thought. Maybe I just wanna be yours, I wanna be yours🎶
~Arctic Monkeys~

DOVE 🕊

Was it easy? Was it easy to sit so close to him, with his hand on my lap? No, it wasn't. I was screaming inside, my thoughts loud enough to block out his gentle voice if I dared to give them a voice. Why was Xavier so good to me? He was making it impossible for me to deny the feelings I had for him. There, I admitted it.

I was falling for Xavier. Correction, I had already fallen for him. The feelings had been building slowly, until they reached this point - the point where I yearned for him to be with me always. It wasn't an obsession, but rather the way he made me feel when we were together. His presence was like a warm embrace, enveloping me in a sense of safety and belonging.

How was it possible for him to turn my bad day into a memory I soon forgot? It tore me apart to know that I couldn't tell him. I wasn't Xavier's type, and it was blatant. The type of girls he usually dated told me to stay away from him. Come on, the friendship was already too good. I wouldn't want to make it awkward by revealing what I felt for him. Maybe it was just a crush. I once heard someone say that a crush is different from falling in love. I bet crushing would be more categorized under infatuation.

However, I couldn't tell him about my dad. Where could I even start from? The words were stuck in my throat, and the fear of being judged or rejected was overwhelming.

But there was something that caught my eye when we were in his study back at his place - something related to Dad. JABEL ORGANISATION. That company's name, I would remember it even in my darkest moments. No, that's a lie. But that's just a way to say I would never forget it.

My dad was a mob lord, or whatever they call those guys. He wasn't a good man. He owned a company named Jabel, and God knows what sinister things happened there. He was cold and ruthless, with so much blood stained on his hands. That was the reason why he never cared about killing his own wife - my mother. He only cared about the person who dared to call the police. He cared less when he took lives but cared more when his own life was cut short.

He was a narcissist, unable to even recognise his own family. We were just... we weren't even his assets, so I don't know what we were. I knew that he could eliminate whoever tried to stay close to me. Nana knew that too. So, I don't know why she decided to take care of me, considering the dangerous outcomes that could follow.

I popped a black cherry-flavored candy into my mouth after finishing the Dove tattoo I drew on his forearm, which featured a clover in its beak. "That's for good luck," I said, smiling as I sucked on the candy. "It looks more like you," he teased. "What? Do I look like a bird?" Xavier shook his head, his expression calm. "You just look like this one, specifically." We both laughed, and I held out a sealed lollipop. "Hey, do you want some?" Xavier declined. "Not a fan of sweets, but I'm curious to know how that one tastes." "Which one?" I asked.

"The one you're licking - what flavor is that?" I started to answer, but before I could finish, his lips were on mine. My eyes remained wide and dumbfounded. "Cherry, sweet," he said after, his words barely above a whisper. I blinked awkwardly, trying to shake off the moment. He needed to stop doing that. It hurt to know that it never meant anything to him - it was obvious.

"Are you done drawing?" He asked, his tone casual, as if he hadn't just kissed me moments before. "These look really good." "I don't want to mess you up with ink." "Oh, come on. I love the way they look... just mess me up if you have to." His words sent a shiver down my spine. Everything was beginning to sound wrong.

"Can I draw on your back then?" I hesitated, knowing where this was leading. "No, it's okay. You'll have to undress." "I don't mind." "No, it's okay." But he persisted, "Come on..." And before I could protest further, he started removing his sweater, revealing his white button-up. I felt a flush rise to my cheeks as he began unbuttoning his white shirt, his gaze fixed on me.