Unveiling the vile behind

33

33

I made a self-promise to let go of all the painful memories and live life to the fullest as the plane took off.

Sinalubong ng malamig na temperatura ang unang gabi ko sa Korea kasabay nang pag-balot ng pait sa sikmura ko. I kept myself occupied by roaming, reading, watching movies, and doing other things that might have diverted my attention.

Given everything that has happened lately, I feel as though I was a criminal who escaped my crimes. Akala ko nga ay tuluyan na akong nakatakas, pero hindi pa pala. Everything comes to me every night.

Bumabalik at bumabalik ang lahat kahit anong pilit kong kalimutan at ibaon sa hukay.

But I tell myself that I have to survive.

Hindi agad ako nakahanap ng trabaho kaya hanggang ngayon ay umaasa pa rin ako sa pera na binibigay ng gobyerno para lang mairasos ang pinansiyal na pangangailangan ko sa pang-araw-araw.

Yes, my mother was killed in the war. She serves in the military. Apart from that, the government provided us with a service known as "death benefits" or "death gratuity" after she passed away.

Hindi ko nakita ang nanay ko simula nang maipanganak ako. Mas pinili niya kasing mag-bigay serbisyo at ipaglaban ang bansa kaysa sa alagaan ako.

Ang sabi ng papa ko, pinatay siya ng spy galing sa tagong lugar. Hindi ko na matandaan ang ibang impormasyon, hindi ko rin naman gustong alamin. She left us, so what's the point of finding and knowing about her death?

"Mi, magiging okay pa po ba ako after ng operation ko po?"

Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Cyren nang marinig siyang mag-salita mula sa tabi ko. We are currently in a famous private hospital here in Korea, waiting for the doctor to call Cyren's name. Maraming magagaling na doctor sa hospital na 'to, sa tingin ko ay magiging worth it naman ang malaking halaga na ibabayad ko.

"Yes naman... bakit naman hindi?" I pouted and widely smile in front of her, trying to give her some courage. "Hindi ba you are praying every day and night naman for you to have a guide ni God?"

She poked her cheeks and cutely nodded her head. "Yes po, hehe, everything's going to be okay. po."

Inayos ko ang nilipad niyang bangs at sinunod kong ayusin ang makapal niyang jacket. Her bangs were down and her hair was tied with a pink ribbon; she was wearing boots, pants, and a thick pink jacket.

"Ikaw na next, bibi, ha," Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang braso niya at tiningnan ang batang babae sa kaniyang mata. "Don't be nervous ha, dito lang ako sa labas, okay?"

"Promise po?"

The nervousness on her face was obvious. Maging ako rin naman ay sobra ang kaba na nararamdaman. Daig pa ng kaba na narararmdaman ko ang kaba sa tuwing tutungtong ako sa entablado na maraming tao ang nanonood.

Ito ang una kong plano pagkalapag pa lamang ng eroplano; ang dalhin sa hospital si Cyren upang ipatingin ang kalagayan niya. I want her to put an end to her pain and live a pain-free life.

Wala pa akong birthday na iba ang hiling. Whenever I blow out the candle on my cake, I always say my all-time favorite statement, which is "Sana umayos na ang kalagayan ni Cyren at lubayan na siya ng sakit."

I sat there in the hospital waiting room for nearly thirty minutes, just staring at the ceiling and hoping that Cyren would be alright.

Titingnan pa lang naman ang kalagayan ni Cyren, hindi pa naman agad ooperahan. Pero iyong kaba ko, parang ako ang ooperahan.