[ON HOLD INDEFINITELY] Comfortable in the Chaos «Sebastian Sallow»

31. Grief

Fifth Year

Just like that he was gone.

The man who introduced me to this world. Guided me. Respected me. Cared for me.

He was everything I had ever needed in a parent. This whole year I got to know what true paternal love was.

I'd saved the Wizarding world and yet failed to save the person who taught me how to. When I had no one I had Professor Fig. I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be alive.

It should have been me.

How could saying goodbye make this unbearable weight go away?

Sebastian had already fled back to Feldcroft by the time I woke up. I couldn't blame him for that.

I was so consumed by my thoughts I had not heard the quiet footsteps approaching into the common room.

" Valeria..?" Ominis' voice broke my trance. I blinked as a few extra tears managed to escape. I remained silent just staring up at him. There was nothing to say.

" I didn't know you'd left the hospital wing. Poppy said you'd come to get ready for--"

" Just don't say it. Please." I suddenly said. Not even realizing, it was spoken out loud.

He was silent. I turned away from him in shame. This is the most I'd had no control over myself. It felt chaotic.

I suddenly heard him step closer. And before I'd knew it, he'd taken a seat beside me. On the floor of the common room windows that looked out into the depths of the black lake. I could stare into it for hours, just...thinking. I could argue it's a dangerous habit. But just about all I've ever found comfort in.

But never a person.

His presence was making me uncomfortable. I could feel more tears begin to form the longer he sat there in silence. But I didn't want to cry right now. Not any more. Not in front of him.

" What are you doing, Omnis." i murmured forcing my voice to sound as steady as possible as I focused on the depths of the murky black lake water. Every so often spotting a fin dancing through the shadows.

" I'm here." He stated simply.

" Yes. but why" I pressed.

" Because I can be." he stated once again with just as much confidence.

" You know what I mean." I murmured.

" I do. But you don't."

" I don't what?"

" You don't understand, when I say I'm here." He said his brows furrowing slightly in concern and seriousness.

The most subtle of an expression, yet it allowed for another tear to escape down my face.

I turned away quickly.

" I don't know what you want me to say, Or what you need me to say." I said in a frustrated whisper.

" You don't have to. That's why I'm here." He repeated. " This isn't something you need to find the right mask for. To act a certain way...to please me, just because I'm your friend." He slowly explained.

I suddenly felt his hand gently reach for my shoulder.

" Act however you want. We can sit in silence. We can talk. About whatever... We could tend to the green house garden one last time before summer...What ever it is. I'm here."