Two Different Roads

Mama Said

They were back in London by the beginning of September. Brian immediately made Ellen an appointment with his personal physician. Lab tests were expedited so that she would have the results before they left for Germany on the fifth.
To no one's surprise they confirmed what virtually everybody already knew-she was indeed pregnant. Conception had probably taken place in July. Ellen felt she could pinpoint it to one of the three days they'd stayed in New Delhi after the nightmare they'd endured in the Philippines. They'd spent those seventy-two hours doing little else but having sex, eating and sleeping.
At least she'd be able to tell her future child that it had been conceived in love, a love that John seemed entirely committed to. He appeared determined to see this through no matter what the personal cost to himself.
She tried to be more optimistic, particularly after her heartfelt talk with Mike. She was going to have John's baby. She envisioned a boy with the distinctive Lennon nose and almond shaped eyes or a girl with her curly red hair. She was certain whatever the gender that it would be beautiful. And it would undoubtedly be smart. Hopefully it would be better behaved than its father had been though.
"We're really doing this," she whispered one night as they lay together.
"That we are. You seem a bit happier about it now."
"I think I am."
"Good. How are you feeling physically?"
"A bit better, but not much I'm afraid."
"I guess the first three months are the worst. It should improve after that."
"I hope so."
"You sure you're up to going to Germany with me to make the film?"
"I have to train the girl Brian hired to replace me when I go on maternity leave. I'll do all right."
"I'm so proud of you. You've been really strong through all this."
"It's easier when you don't have a choice."

II
The Beatles had mutually decided after their final concert of the tour in San Francisco at Candlestick Park that they were done with the whole thing. Now they would stick exclusively to the studio. Before then they were all on vacation, each doing their own thing.
John had accepted an offer to act in a movie, "How I Won The War." Brian chose to accompany him for awhile during the start of filming in Germany that first week of September, and it was there that Ellen would begin training the young woman who would take her place, a very pretty twenty year-old who immediately seemed much too friendly with John for her liking.
Ellen tried to ignore her misapprehension, writing off her jealousy as pregnancy hormones. After all, John had been good lately and appeared entirely devoted to her and the baby. Still, she had an instant dislike to the girl and her overly flirty ways.
She trusted Brian's judgment though, and if nothing else, Vivian seemed to be efficient. She tried to put her feelings aside, be pleasant. After all, she had enough to worry about, not the least of which the fact that she still felt like shite over half the time.
She'd taken to indulging herself with long naps after lunch. Unfortunately one of them would destroy her life as she knew it.

III
She practically flew down the steps and out of the house where they were staying, flight her only thought. She had to get away or she didn't know what she'd do. But then of course John was right behind her. She had no idea how he'd gotten dressed so fast.
"Ellie, I'm so sorry. I just..."
"You got randy and decided since I haven't been feeling that well you'd fuck the girl I'm training to be my replacement so I can go off and give birth to your child!"
"That sounds awful."
"In this case the truth IS awful. Who knows, maybe you just wanted out all together. You could have told me. But no, you had to do THIS!" She paused, saved the worst condemnation for last. "I should have listened to my mother about you!"
"Don't you be saying that! I love you Ellie!"
Something simply snapped in her then. Her hand drew back, her open palm connecting with his face. It sounded very loud. She could only stand there for a second, then she gathered herself, hissed, "You are never allowed to call me that again! You don't deserve to! I've always hated it anyway!"
"Ellie, Baby, please!"
This time it was her fist that connected. She recoiled at the immediate pain.
"Bloody hell! Now I've hurt my hand on your stupid face!"

As she turned away he moved behind her, his arms going around her middle, pulling her against him. "Ellen you have to listen to me. I never wanted to hurt you."
"No, you just thought you could fuck around and I wouldn't find out. Well, I'm not Cynthia. I'm not that naive, and I've never been stupid enough to totally trust you. Now let go of me!"
"Not until we settle this!"
"It IS settled John. I'm leaving. I'm getting as far away from you as I can, and you'll consider yourself lucky if I don't tell our child what a total piece of shit his father was!:
He turned her around to face him, continued to hold her tightly. She struggled against him finally ground the heel of her shoe against his foot as hard as she could.
He cried out with surprised pain, released her at last. "Touch me again and the next thing I injure won't be your foot!"
She turned to reenter the house, begin packing but was only halfway up the stairs when she suddenly doubled over with an awful breath-stealing cramp. There was a wetness now trickling down her legs.
"Christ Ellen, you're bleeding!"
He rushed forward, but she shoved him away. "I told you not to touch me!"
"But Ellen you're hurt!"
She sank to her knees in a growing puddle of her own blood, arms around her cramping stomach, hot tears trying to fall.
Fortunately at that moment a car drove up, stopped, the familiar figure of the Beatles' manager emerging.
"Eppy it's Ellen! You've got to help her!"

IV
When consciousness returned she was lying on a bed in a stark white room, machines beeping annoyingly near by. The pain had gone, leaving behind only a residual ache and a bone-weary tiredness.
Her eyes lit upon Brian in a chair next to the bed, his usually pristine starched white shirt stained with blood. "Did you bring me here?"
He nodded."Time was of the essence. Rather than call someone I carried you to my car and drove straight here. Thank God there was a hospital near and good road signs."
"Thank you Eppy."
"John wanted to come of course but the last thing needed would have been a crowd of Beatle fans mobbing him when he was recognized. But then I suspect that the last thing you would have wanted as well at this point was to have him here."
"You know then...what happened."
"Not for certain, but I can make a fairly definite guess. He won't be filming for a few days. I do believe that's going to be a rather prominent black eye."
"I can't believe I did that."
"Knowing John and what he must have done, he deserved it."
She began to cry as she remembered-waking up from a restless sleep, hearing suspicious noises from the room down the hall, coming upon the father of her child in the middle of having sex with another woman.
"If there is anything I can do, Ellen..."
"You can sack that slag, Vivian," she told him at once.
"Already done."
Silence, then, "For what it's worth, John is devastated. He was literally sobbing when I left with you."
"I don't really care. He's broken us beyond all repair this time. I'm going home as soon as I'm released. I hate leaving YOU like this Eppy, but I couldn't stand being near him another moment."
"Well then I'll make all the arrangements. What will you do for income if you don't mind my asking? I could keep you on salary for a bit I suppose."
"Thanks, but no. I'm certain Vicky can support us both until I find another position."
"You'll receive the very best of references from me."
"The only detail remaining now is the baby. At this point I really don't want John involved in any way. Do you think he'd fight it?"
Brian's face twisted immediately.
"What is it? Something's wrong."
"The doctor should..."
"No, Eppy. I want YOU to tell me."
He moved the chair closer so that he could hold her hand in his. "You had a miscarriage Ellen. You lost the child."
"He's taken everything from me now."
"Whatever he's done, he never wanted THIS. You must believe that if nothing else. He was pleased for you to have his child despite the circumstances."
"Perhaps that will matter eventually, but not now."
A nurse entered the room. "Herr Epstein, phone."
"That will be him no doubt."
"I should speak with him. I should tell him about the baby, but I just can't Bri."
"I'll deal with it then."

V
"She hates me doesn't she Bri?"
"With good reason don't you think? Whatever possessed you to do something so utterly stupid and cruel?"
"I don't know Eppy. I don't fucking KNOW! I didn't plan to. It just happened. Do you think she could ever forgive me?"
"I wouldn't count on it John-not for some time anyway."
"I suppose I should just be thankful that she's OK. She IS ok isn't she? You'd have told me straight away if she wasn't, right?"
"She'll be fine physically. Emotionally it might take time. She lost the baby John."
"God no!"
"I'm sorry."
"It's my fault. If I hadn't gotten her so upset..."
"We don't know that John."
He was crying again, sobbing like a child. He'd cried more in the last month than he had his entire life. "I wanted it Bri! It was the worst possible time. It could have ruined everything, but I didn't care! I wanted it! It was mine, ours. I WANTED it!"
"I know you did, John, and she does as well. Give her time to deal with all of this. Deep down despite everything I'm sure she still cares for you. Perhaps one day if you're very fortunate..."
He laughed, a bitter cold chuckle not unlike the earlier tears. "I'm not kidding myself, Bri. I'll be 'fortunate' if she doesn't MURDER me after this."