Two Different Roads

Hello Again

They were leaving for Hawaii the next morning. In less than twenty-four hours she would no longer be Ellen Raymond but Ellen Nesmith instead. The thought didn't fill her with apprehension as it had over a year ago. She looked forward to being Mike's wife. He was a good man, HER man.

For this last night, her mother and Vicky would be staying at their house and Mike would be sleeping at Peter's. She wasn't exactly sure why they had felt the need to do this. They had experienced every last inch of each other's bodies. They certainly weren't going to magically become virgins again before the ceremony, but like wearing a white dress, some things were just traditional.
Still, she missed him. They hadn't spent a single night apart since they'd rekindled their relationship. She was accustomed to waking up beside him, making love with him in the early morning light, showering together, cooking breakfast together, and riding into work together, after which, falling asleep in his arms at the end of a long day.
Well it would only be just this once. Tomorrow evening they would be together again, and they would be married.
Suddenly the phone rang. Most likely it would be Bob with more last minute instructions. Not many people had their private number, and most of THEM were out with Mike for his bachelor night.
"Nesmith residence," she answered formally so she could practice the sound of it on her tongue.
"Hello Ellie."

She hadn't thought she'd ever hear that voice again. Hearing it now, her first instinct was to slam the receiver down immediately.
"Don't hang up...please."
"How did you get this number?"
"Mimi got it from your mum, and I got it from HER."
"Why would she give it to you?"
"I'm her nephew. In the end she'll always be on my side."
"Whatever it is, you won't get it, but just for curiosity's sake, what do you want?"
"I want you to NOT marry that fucker from Texas."
"How do you even...Mimi again."
"She knows how much you mean to me."
"I mean so much to you that you cheated when I was pregnant."
"If I could take it back I would. I'd give anything to have things be the way they were."
"Not going to happen..not ever."
"Ellen we've shared too much together for you to just throw it all away now."
"YOU threw it away, John. I didn't. You stomped on it, set it on fire, and THEN threw it away. It's over, and I AM going to marry Michael tomorrow."

"You up the duff?"
"That's none of your business Lennon, but no. Not everyone gets married because they have a bun in the oven."
"Is that a dig at me?"
"Why? Does the shoe fit too well, John?"
"I didn't call to have a barney."
"Then why DID you call other than to tell me not to marry the man I love?"
There was an audible gasp.
"Did I strike a nerve there?"
"It was supposed to be ME, Ellie, for always...you said you'd never leave me!"
He sounded like a wounded child,and for the first time she actually pitied him. Tears came to her eyes as she said, "How could you expect me to stay after what you did?"
"I fucked up. I know that. The worst part is I STILL don't understand WHY. Maybe you were right. Maybe I was scared, and I panicked. It doesn't mean I didn't love you. I still DO. Please come back! I'll do ANYTHING! I'll divorce Cyn right now, leave her TODAY if you want. Forget the bloody Beatles; you're the only thing that matters to me! Please!"
To hear John Lennon beg was a huge shock. Suddenly she could no longer trust her legs to support her. She sat heavily on the edge of her and Mike's bed, nearly sobbing now.
"I don't know what to say to that John. I know you didn't mean it, and I know you're sorry. Maybe now I can even forgive you. It still doesn't change anything though. It's too late. I love Michael and I want to marry him."
"It won't ever be the way it was with US. He's just a poor substitute for me, and part of you knows that."

"Johnny I can't do this! I can't! Haven't you hurt me enough? If you really love me don't try to ruin my chance to be happy!"
"All right, I won't bother you again," he promised then left her with a quote from a Graham Greene novel they'd once read together in bed entitled fittingly enough "The End of the Affair": "Love doesn't end just because we don't see each other."

II
She spent the evening with her family, but if anyone had asked what they did or what they talked about, she wouldn't have been able to tell them. That disturbing phone call was still very much on her mind. It was quite some time before she was able to go to sleep that night, and when she finally did, she was immediately in the grip of a horrible nightmare.
She found herself in some nondescript room like the many hotel suites she'd stayed in over the years. John was there, absently packing a suitcase which lay open on the bed. For some reason this simple, familiar sight put the dream Ellen in an absolute panic. She heard herself, beg, plead Lennon not to leave. She was suddenly convinced that if he did she'd never see him again.
"I'd stay if I could, but you know I can't," he told her in a voice that was eerily devoid of any emotion whatsoever.
She did everything she could to make him change his mind, but he just kept packing, finally turning to walk out the door. He faced her one last time before departing. "I love you Little Girl."
It was her own screams which woke her at that moment. Just before he left her forever she'd seen he was covered in blood.
III
She sat up, found herself instinctively reaching for the phone. She wanted to call him, NEEDED to hear his voice again, to know he was all right. In the end she didn't, COULDN'T. Any contact at all would have felt like betraying Michael. He'd been so understanding of her past, hadn't brought up John even once since she'd told him about their affair. She refused to jeopardize his trust.
Anyway, if something HAD happened, with the almost supernatural connection she and John had always shared, she'd know it. It had been an awful dream, but she didn't get the sense that it was in any way a sign or omen of some sort. Her heart continued to feel his presence in the world. He was fine.
She considered calling Michael next. But why should she bother him for some silly dream? She had no idea where to reach him anyway. He would probably be out until the early morning hours.
She lay back down, closed her eyes, began to play one of the songs her fiance had recently sung to her in her head. Just the THOUGHT of his voice soothed her, and she finally drifted off once more, this time with no bad dreams.