Two Different Roads

India

February 15, 1968-"Pardon me, but you look like shite Ellie. You definitely DID need to get away. When was the last time you slept...or ate?" John remarked when he greeted her at Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's ashram in Rishikesh, India.
"I'll be fine," she insisted, glancing around the compound. "It looks beautiful here...and peaceful."
"Perfect place to escape the cares of the world."
John's eyes traveled to the baby in her arms. "So this is the little one? You said his name is Jonathan?"
"Yes. Definitely NOT named in any way after you," she teased.
"Yeah I seriously doubt Mike would have went for that."
"I think he suggested it to honor some semi famous ancestor of his named Jonathan Darby."
"So what exactly do you call him?"
"Jonathan only. I thought Michael would kill Vicky with the look he gave her the one time she attempted to call him Jon. Of course she only did it to irritate him."
"She pretty much hates him doesn't she?"
"I'm not sure I'd say THAT, but she certainly doesn't like him much. They're just too different, like oil and water really."
"To be fair Vicky is kind of an acquired taste."
"True."
"So let me take you to meet Maharishi, and then we'll find a place for you to stay."
II

The days fell into a predictable calming pattern: awakening early with the sun, meditation, a light breakfast followed by more meditation, reading, yet more meditation if she could manage it, then an early bedtime fraught with troubled sleep. Removing her husband from the equation had eliminated her temptation for his body, but it had created other problems, mainly that she missed him. They'd developed a rather close bond as friends and companions in addition to that of husband and wife. She'd loved just talking with him, hearing how that brilliant mind worked, and he made her laugh often with that dry, distinctly 'Michael' sense of humor. He was so strong as well, every bit as reliable as his tv character counterpart had been to his friends and band mates. He'd always been there to lean on, to offer comfort, support, when she needed it. How odd it felt, that now when she needed it the most, HE was the one causing the pain to begin with.

His betrayal was like a wound in some vital organ. Getting away had allowed her to think all right, to think too MUCH. She had frequent visions of 'that woman' in her husband's arms and her belly now beginning to swell with his child as well as all the many other women she couldn't put names and faces to. She still loved him despite it all, but could she really EVER get past what he'd done? She honestly didn't know.
She'd have gone mad if not for her love and responsibility to her son as well as the thoughtfulness of 'the boys' and their partners. They all seemed to sense something was wrong and attempted to lift her spirits each in their own way. Ritchie would tell her jokes. Geo was always imparting some comforting advice he'd learned from Maharishi or discovered in meditation. Paul brought her flowers. Maureen, Pattie, Jane, and Cynthia simply offered their companionship and an ear should she decide to avail herself of it.
She managed to fend them all off prettily easily though none of them really believed her assurances that she was 'fine.' John naturally proved more of a challenge. He knew her almost as well as he boasted that he did, was attuned to her every mood and emotion. He was a great deal more stubborn and persistent than the others as well. He frequently attempted to coax her outside for walks in the sun or visited her in her self-imposed isolation for long talks which seemed to just naturally encourage confidences.

His wife became somewhat of a nonentity almost immediately. Apparently he had told her he needed to be alone to meditate effectively and took up his own quarters apart from her. He seemed entirely disconnected from her at this point. Ellen felt as if she was witnessing the end of a marriage, much like her own might prove soon. In truth John seemed to spend much more time with his former lover than he did in the solitude he'd told Cynthia he needed.
He may not have wanted to meditate with his legal wife, but he often sought to meditate with HER, both of them cross-legged on mats on the floor of her quarters, not even speaking, but their bodies, energy so near they almost touched. If they hadn't really salvaged their friendship before, it felt sometimes as if they had certainly managed to do it now. They were once again as close as they 'd been as children before their physical connection had overshadowed their emotional one.
She actually began to consider telling him the FULL reason she'd come to India, but something always seemed to make her reconsider. Deep down John still loved her. Would he take Mike's infidelity as the impetus to pursue her even more rigorously? Would he refuse to take no for an answer now? And he'd cheated on her as well. It wasn't as if he could really claim the higher ground over her husband. He may not have been married to her, but he'd sworn his love, his devotion to her, she'd been pregnant with his child. What he'd done had been nearly as much of a betrayal as Michael's. It had certainly hurt just as much, and she'd lost their baby which had added to the pain exponentially. She supposed she'd never entirely gotten over it.
When John slipped in to see her one morning after an exceptionally restless night with nearly no sleep, plagued with tortured memories of the past, she was in no mood to be pleasant and pretend all was fine between them. She'd realized it wasn't and might never be again.