Look after you

9. Let go

At the tower:

I sat by telescope for a while, willing myself not to cry. All this while I thought my friends understood how important this was for me. I thought they would understand why I have been doing this, why I have been putting myself at risk but they don't.
They don't want to be a part of this and I have been dragging them here almost everyday. Why didn't I see this sooner.

Louis and Stella walked towards me and sat at either side of me.
They didn't say anything for a while, neither did I .
"You should go. If anyone sees you here you'll be in trouble". I tell them wanting to be left alone.
"We are not leaving you"Stella tells me.
"Skye, we are just trying to protect you"Louis says in a pained voice shattering whatever composer I had left.
"Protect me from what?" I yell at him, tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.
"From yourself" he yells back.
He takes a breath and starts talking again, his voice softer this time.
"Can't you see what you're doing to yourself. This obsession is killing you. You don't sleep. You don't eat. You don't do anything but try and figure out what happened 6 months ago. I know this is hard. I understand. We understand and we want you to be happy but we also want you to be safe and healthy and this isn't healthy. Let go of the past ,love, please."

"You don't understand anything. You don't understand not recognising yourself in the mirror. You don't know what it's like to feel like a ghost in your own skin. To not remember your own name. You don't understand that I can't just let go"I finally break.
Tears start to stream down my face, I wipe them quickly, angry at myself for breaking down.
"Why not?"Stella asks her voice so soft I barely hear her.
"Because it's all I have left"my voice a mere whisper now.
"No it's not."she replies.
"You have me, you have Louis and Adam."she hesitates for a second then continues "Even Bash."
Louis shoots her a sharp look but she ignores him.
"I know you don't think he cares about you but he does."she continues.
"No he doesn't. He doesn't care about anyone but himself."I reply angrily wiping my tears remembering what happened a few months ago.
"Skye-"Stella tried to say something but Louis cuts her off.
"If you truly think that this"he waves his hand around"is all you have left, we have failed you in more ways than we imagined."he says pain lacing his voice."And I'm so so sorry about that".
"We are both sorry"Stella says not bringing up her brother anymore.
"But you are not alone, we are here for you. Whatever you need. Just not this. Please love it's too risky. I can't keep letting you do this. I won't."Louis swored.
"But what if it's the only way?"I ask almost scared to hear the answer.
"Then we'll find another way"he promised.
"And we'll find it together"Stella added.
"Together?"I asked.
"Of course"she smiles.
"You aren't getting rid of us so easily, love"Louis grins.