𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘯𝘦𝘥

𝘛𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘚𝘪𝘹

☆゜·。。·゜゜·。。·゜★

The snow sliding down the glass hardly made Bucky relax.

Addison slept soundly on his chest, home, but no longer the woman he used to know. He loved her, he knew he did. But, this version of her, this shell of the person she was, who was running on fear, vengeance, and revenge. This was new, this was an intensity he wasn't sure how to handle. She was taken from him as this woman who held her head high, never let anything hurt her, not bad enough to keep her down, and then she came back, broken, battered, defeated. And Bucky hated his grandfather, not for what he did to Winnifred, which was a score his father could settle with the man, but for what he did to his wife, his beautiful, kind, wife.

Bucky watched as she tried, really tried to adapt back to the world. In two weeks, just two fucking weeks, Vaughn dismantled her, made her kill out of fear, and her nightmares were back. But she was no longer screaming in her sleep for her father, she was screaming Vaughn Novikov, screaming out of fear. Bucky hadn't slept a whole night since she got back, too worried about how she'd shift in the night if she would finally give into the pit of despair that seemed to hold her hostage. No one knew he was struggling with adapting to this person, this woman who was broken and now being reforged by fire. The only thing that seemed like her, like his Addison, was the fact she wanted to help. Wanted to get Luella and Mila out of the grasp of that monster.

So, he lay by the fire, the dying embers lighting the room just enough to see the pulled brow of his wife. She was lost in her head again.

Two figures slid against the walls, and normally Bucky would be reaching for his gun, but instead, he just wrapped an arm around Addison's waist, holding her tightly to him as he whispered into the darkened room. "I take it you two have something to report?"

"No sir," Hayden whispered, and Bucky saw how soft his eyes were when he looked at Addison. He expected jealousy to flare, but Nicolas and Hayden are the two people who have kept her grounded in this world. Nicolas got her to eat by telling her stories when she came back, and Hayden could pick up on the slightest discomforts, he knew the change of her breathing so well that he'd be intercepting her before Bucky could even reach his wife. Bucky's eyes shifted down to where Addison slept on his chest, her head under his heart, just like always, and he felt his chest tighten.

He'd pushed her so far.

"Nicolas," The man stepped forward, hidden in the shadows, but always watching, always listening. "Come lay with her for a moment, I need to get up."

So Bucky shifted Addison into Nicolas' embrace, the tightness in his chest squeezing harder when she rolled into his chest, so easily, just like she fit there. Bucky didn't doubt her love, but he doubted how much he deserved it. "Sir?" Hayden's voice snapped Bucky's attention away from Addison and Nicolas, and Bucky lunged for his phone, grabbing it off the coffee table and rushing to the bathroom down the hall, locking himself in it while he finally let out a shuddering breath. He pushed her so far away, for months, he didn't believe her, he dismissed her when she was scared. So with shaky hands, he finally unlocked his phone, calling the only person he knew could calm him down.

Two rings, that's all it took. "It is three in the goddamn morning," Steve grumbled, sleep evident in his voice, "If you're not dying, if you're not shot or Addison's not shot, you better have a good fuckin reason to be calling me."

"I need to leave her."

The words tasted like ash leaving his mouth. But he knew it was true. The roaring in his head was silenced, especially when Steve said nothing, for long minutes. Bucky set the phone in the space between his shoulder and ear, twirling that wedding band around. They had gotten married for her protection, and he'd failed her at every turn. She needed better than him. "Come again?" Steve finally asked, and Bucky bristled at the killing calm that entered Steve's voice. It was rare that Bucky was at the receiving end of it, but he knew this time that he was, and what he was going to say would turn his world upside down.