it's crazy how one night, two days to be technical, can leave such an imprint; such a fingerprint in wet clay that has formed my thoughts since. this isn't a particularly interesting story to most, but to me it's everything
the exhilaration of the night before, being packed and antsy to leave. sitting up at five in the morning unable to crash at the thought of being able to leave soon.
the shaky hands and shallow breathing on the way there, a million thoughts coursing about making a good first impression and not wanting to be a let down. i felt like i was rehearsing how i talk, like we hadn't been speaking before that point.
pulling into the driveway and seeing him sitting there. it felt like the woman on the rooftop in hallelujah, sunbathing as the ember glow bounces from his bronze hair to the flowers in his pocket to his nervous smile.
it felt like every ounce of worry i had melted away the second i opened my door and we made eye contact; like every mantra i had preached to that point had just met the person they've been praising and all of the puzzle pieces fell into place by their own volition.
when he sat in my car i became aware of all of the little things that i was worried about not disclosing sooner; the pins in the roof, the stickers, the squeaking of the tire and the general quirkiness of the vehicle. i began to pull out and he grabbed a picture, i'm sure i look like i just shit my pants in it, i was so genuinely nervous and then relieved.
we pulled out and headed towards the store to get things for our picnic date, something i've always romanticized but never got to experience. he's a lot of firsts for me. i've never felt so comfortable with someone in a store like that before, nor had so much fun. it was like any shreds of nervousness that still lingered had now left and i was there looking at *him*
leaving the store and going to the park for the aforementioned picnic, i felt my nerves pricking at me again. he was about to see the gift i got him, the intricate flower placement and small things i picked out that stood out as things just for him. i was so nervous even upon getting there that i think i talked his ear off, so much so that i didn't end up eating very much. i was too involved, as my nervousness went to just being enamored and then it shifted into genuine company that felt like two long time friends. walking and holding hands, saving an earthworm and telling me about helicopter flowers; sitting on the swings and trying to convince the park's resident cats to come and see us; it all felt so *natural*, i don't think i felt nervous past that point.
i felt safe, i felt seen.
from there we went to the hotel, from not sleeping the night before i was exhausted and he knew that. we went and checked in and sent the hotel information to his parents, just in case. we made two trips to bring everything inside the ground floor room and i set my xbox up as he changed. i also gave him one of my favorite hoodies, so if things ever got rough or he needed extra comfort, it was like i was there with him.
we watched some stuff on youtube while we talked and i ran my fingers through his hair, letting him know i was listening and i saw him. i saw the comfort, i saw the melting, i saw how much he needed that extra support. he turned on puff the magic dragon, a favorite comfort of his, and i cuddled up next to him, holding his hand. it was only six but i was so tired. i ended up falling asleep, not for very long, and i woke up feeling awful. a "rancid nap" as i call them now.
we realized i hadn't eaten all day which was part of the reason for me not feeling superb and he got up and made me a slider and poured me some of my drink; sitting and eating with me so i would actually eat. i rested my head in his lap and just kept getting lost in everything about him.
