we moved into this house in December, its been hard to find a positive to the whole thing.
my garden has been growing; i even saw bumble bees a few days ago.
the pure joy it brought to my brain and the immediate takeover of tension release upon seeing their pollen covered bodies is something so child-like.
it was euphoric.
i sat there and watched them, even if only for a moment- it felt like hours.
a moth drawn to a flame, so to speak. i was enthralled with watching them.
they would abandon their duties to come hover around me, bouncing off of me while i sat there still as a board. i don't want to harm these creatures, i haven't seen one in years.
kind, gentle and harmless. i could not have imagined i'd have this experience again in this lifetime.
but there i sat, letting them get closer; letting them rest on me and feel comfortable.
my garden isn't new, it's simply moved with me from space to space throughout my life.
its gotten some damage, of course, but its things like this that make me more willing to see the better in things.
if something as unconditional as an insect can find happiness in their work, happiness in my company, happiness in the hues of my hair like the flowers they exist to enjoy-
i can too.
my garden rarely has visitors like this, the barbed wire and caution signs usually ward off visitors before they even contemplate entry.
but on that day, must've been the first of February, i was wanting company i suppose.
the gate was maybe intentionally left open and the signs turned away, hoping someone would wander in.
the last few times visitors have been allowed in, flowers have gone missing, bees have been injured and the fence that protected what's so valuable in the first place had been ruined.
it didn't take long to repair after the last visitor; higher security and a taller fence don't take very long.
that fateful day, a deer wandered in.
the deer seemed hesitant as his chocolate eyes looked around for signs of danger as he entered, he seemed unaware, or rather unbothered, by the extra precautions and signs of recent damage.
every step he took further into the grove felt cautious and thoughtful, like a blade of grass wouldn't go out of place unintentionally.
i rarely get introspective about my own garden, its simply a garden after all, but that day i was there.
i was present.
he continued in through the gate, smelling the flowers as the bumblebees came and visited him.
he was terrified of them.
they sprinkled pollen on his nose and left him alone, going back to their existential dance among the lady roses.
he continued in, his calculated steps guiding him as his nose twitched and his ears pricked.
what was he looking for?
a few minutes pass where i watch, the sun coming through the trees around the garden now leaving soft gradient patches on his lightly spotted fawn coat.
i descend from my perch and approach the deer, hovering in the air above him and hoping the sign of a crow wouldn't make him want to leave.
after a second of making eye contact i made connection with the ground and looked up at him, ushering him to follow me for the grand tour.
