My Saving Grace

Here We Go

sorry this chapter is super short, and dull and boring but hopefully next chapter makes up for it! and when i mean boring i mean boring

JOHNS POV

I had been cleared hours ago. They said my injuries were far less than Katy's.. obviously considering she hasn't woken up yet. I called her family, and Shannon who I know would want to be here just as much and waited. Waited for them all to blame this on me and hate me, which isn't too far off from where Keith was to begin with. But it was my fault, all of it. I was the one driving, and I wasn't even paying attention. I was too focused on screaming at the love of my life as she cried for me to just listen to her, who now might not ever wake up. How could I ever lead her to believe that I didn't love her? Of course I did, with everything I have, I was just mad. I'm still a little upset but, the only thing that matters to me right now is that she opens her eyes.

I don't know what I'll say to her if she wakes up, or even how she'll look at me. I want to forgive and forget but at the same time she betrayed me. She actually slept with someone else. Not just someone else.. Michael. Who I have been protecting her from for months now. I just don't understand.. but no matter what, when she wakes up I'll forgive her. I'll live with this, it was a mistake right? Obviously she still loves me and wants to be with me.. well hopefully. I can put this behind me because I love her so much and this just made me realize how much I actually need her in my life. There's still a chance that it could be my baby too right? We can get through this.

I was sitting in a chair beside her bed holding her hand in mine. It was so cold and fragile and I put it between both of my hands to try and warm it up. I didn't like the feeling of her cold hands, it wasn't right. I stood up slowly to kiss her forehead and as I closed my eyes I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I needed her to wake up.

"Katy... I really need you to wake up. I need you, your family needs you, your fans need you. But most important me, Katy. I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. I love you so much, just... dammit wake up." I said through my tears.. all the words I were saying just sounded like mumbles now.

I was interrupted by her doctor walking into the room. I turned around and was met by a face that I didn't want to see, a face full of sorrow.

"Is everything okay?" I asked nervously standing up and approaching him. I could feel my palms starting to sweat.

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Mayer." He said clearing his throat and I quickly glanced back at Katy a million thoughts running through my mind.

"What is it? Is she going to be okay? Please, you have to do everything you can-"

"It's not your fiancé sir, were you aware that she was pregnant?" He asked and my heart returned to its normal pace. That's all it was, he wanted to let me know she was pregnant.

"Yes, Dr. I did." I confirmed nodding my head but then it hit me. He said was.. not is. "Wait.. was? You mean she.." I stopped not being able to finish my sentence as he gave me a sorry look shaking his head in confirmation.

"I'm sorry, it didn't make it." He replied placing a hand on my shoulder as I stood there in shock. I did this.. I killed her unborn child, possibly my child.

"I'll be back later when she wakes up to tell her the news.."

I stopped him. I wanted to tell her, maybe it wouldn't be as bad coming from me. "No, I'll tell her. Please let me." I begged. He nodded in agreement before exiting the room. What was I going to tell her? How do you tell someone this? She's going to hate me.

I looked back at her one more time before bursting out into sobs. I knew her family would be here any minute, and didn't want them to see me in this state so I quickly ran out of the room and into the waiting room. I ran to a chair before half way falling into it and crying my eyes out into my hands. It should've been me. I should be the one lying in there unconscious. Me.

I cried and cried, for what felt like eternity until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back to see Shannon standing there giving me a sad smile. "Hey, John.." she whispered before sitting down beside me.

"It's all my fault Shan.." I admitted finally removing my face out of my hands. "Her life is at stake because of me."

"No. John you can't do this to yourself. These things happen all the time!" She said rubbing my back, trying to reason with me.

"She lost the baby..." I finally blurted out and her hand quickly retreated from my back.

"No..." she whispered just as shocked as I was when I had heard the news. We sat there in silence for a moment before she turned to me.

"I'm guessing you know..." she said almost scared to bring it up.

"Yeah, Michael. She told me." I said still upset about the situation. I keep trying to forget but I don't think it will ever get any easier.

"It's a shame what he did to her. No one should have a child that way anyway." She replied looking down at the floor. My head quickly shot her direction in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked completely taken by surprise. Was she the one confused?

"He raped her." She said in a tone as if this shouldn't be news to me. I still didn't say anything I just looked at her with even more confusion.

"Didn't she tell you about the night he broke in?" She asked completely taken back that I didn't know any of this.

"I mean she told me part of it but then she got so worked up over it that I stopped her." I said finally putting all the pieces together. "No.." I whispered. "No no no no." I cried standing up and began pacing back and forth. This can't be happening.

"The things I said to her! I thought she willingly slept with him! I screamed at her, and and called her things, and I'm such an idiot." I rambled until Shannon stood up to talk to me.

"Whatever it is that you said I'm sure she'll forgive you. You didn't know.."

"I told her I didn't love her Shan." I said pursing my lips together to keep from crying. "I fucking told her I didn't love her." I repeated this time in a whisper before breaking down into her arms.

"oh John..." she said not really knowing now what to say in this situation so she just held me in her arms, while I cried like a 2 year old.

"I need her Shannon, I really do." I bawled into her shoulder. I was such an ass to her and she had been going through so much.

"We all do John, it'll all be okay." She replied before we were interrupted by the doctor.

"The rest of her family has arrived and she's awake now. You can go see her."

I broke away from Shannon in attempt to pull myself together. "Well.. here we go.."