My Saving Grace

Lost

JOHNS POV

I walk quickly to her room nervous about how things could turn out but right now all that mattered was that she is okay. I thought I lost her, I almost did lose her. All because of my stupidity. I walk to her door and see her parents talking to her as she sits up in bed. I turn to Shannon who nods go on towards the door and I quietly open it.

As soon as I walked in all eyes were on me. Katy and I made brief contact but she immediately dropped her gaze to her hands in her lap and then turned her head the complete opposite direction from me. Probably so I wouldn't see her crying.

"I'm so glad you're okay, you're scared the shit out of me." I admitted not being able to hold it in anymore and racing to her bed. She turned her head towards me shocked and I grabbed her face with my hands and kissed her. I kissed her like it was the last time i'd ever kiss a woman again. She was okay, and I couldn't tell you how relieved I was.. only she wouldn't kiss me back, so I pulled away.

"Babe? You okay?" I whispered so only she could hear, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen out of her loose bun out of her face. She didn't seem at all happy to see me.

"What the fuck are you doing." She growled ignoring the fact that we were in a room full of people. What's wrong with her?

"Kissing my fiancé that just woke up from a horrible accident, is that wrong of me?" I asked defensively moving my face back away from hers to get a good look at her. She not only looked mad, but broken.

"Oh so we're still together? Because last I heard we were basically done since I was a slut and slept with Michael." She spit out letting out a sarcastic laugh. Now I understand. I know that what I said to her was out of line now but I had no idea then..

This was getting awkward.. especially with her family sitting right here and not to mention Shannon who wasn't good in intense situations. "baby, i'm-"

"Don't touch me!" she shouted pushing me away as I reached out for her. "okay.. but I'm sorry okay? I know what happened now and I'm sorry.. but in my defense you didn't tell me!"

I don't know why I said that. Maybe because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was out of line, but it definitely wasn't the right thing to say as her mouth fell wide open before she pursed her lips together smoothing out the blanket on her bed. Thus started the yelling.

"Okay, you want to know what happened? Michael broke in, and he raped me. He hurt me, and I cried, and no matter how much I begged him to stop he didn't listen. He had time to rape me 3 times before the police arrived and you know what I thought of the whole time? you! I felt like I was betraying you even though it was completely out of my control. I felt like I was a disappointment to you. And then when I found out I was pregnant I was so happy. Because I was going to be able to have kids with the man I love and then I remembered the possibility of it not being yours. and I cried for hours before you came home. I couldn't stand the thought of having that monsters child in me." She paused to wipe the tears that were freely falling from her face and I just looked at her with every emotion inside me. And I suddenly realized how much pain she's been in and I was an ass to her.

"I cried for weeks at night after you fell asleep afraid to tell you. Afraid of your reaction. And then I told you, and you reacted just as I worried and wouldn't let me explain a damn thing! I thought that night Michael raped me was the worst feeling I would ever experience, but then I realized I was wrong.. because the worst pain is having the love of your life look you in the eyes and say they "did" love you. past tense."

That was it. She broke down and I stood there like a fool afraid to move. Everyone else in the room looked at each other in shock, afraid to make a sound, trying to seem invisible.

"Katy.. I'm so sorry." I apologized hating myself and also for what I was about to tell her. I slowly walked over to her bed and sat down taking her hand in mine. "And there's some bad news.."

"Oh what more could possibly happen." She asked disgusted catching her breath. This was going to be hard.

"You lost the baby... I'm so SO sorry." I said squeezing her hand in mine.

KATYS POV

"No. This can't be true! tell me you're joking!" I screamed looking at all the faces in the room looking for a sign that this was a joke. "Tell me!" I screamed louder this time shoving John in the chest. He just looked down at the bed with a sad look on his face. Why was he sad? He's probably happy that it's out of his life now.

"Why the hell are you sorry? It's not your problem anymore." I asked John. I wasn't myself right now. I had just lost my baby and I was screaming nonsense. John relocated over to the chair and sat down with his head in his hands.

"You probably wish I would've died with it, it would've made your life a whole lot of a hell easier!" I yelled and that's when he abruptly stood up from the chair knocking it onto the ground.

"HOW DARE YOU-" He screamed starting to make his way towards me when Shannon stopped him.

"What is wrong with you katy? I know you lost your baby but get your shit together!" Shannon yelled. I've never seen her like this. Ever.

"I'll let you know that I've never seen John the way I saw him a few minutes ago. I've never seen that look on anyone's face and I hope I never see him like that again because it was fucking heartbreaking! He loves you! Dammit Katy he loves you with all the love his heart has to offer!"

She finished her speech by letting out a scoff and turning on her heels to leave the room. I watched as John looked at me and shook his head with sorrow before exiting behind her. I jumped when he slammed the door and shut my eyes as the tears ran freely down my cheeks now. I fell onto my bed and sobbed into my pillow. I soon felt the comforting hand of my mom rub my back. I just lost the two most important things in my life.