KARMA'S REVENGE ꨄ︎ Confessions of a Material Gurl II

ꨄ︎ 15.

"Maybe this time I can be strong,
but since I know who I am,
I'm probably wrong."
Cold Little Heart | Michael Kiwanuka

Saturday afternoon
ꨄ︎ | 3:33 pm

Pregnant read the results from the test Isis received from her doctor. She sat frozen on the couch in her living room, struggling to grasp her new reality. All afternoon she'd been in shock, refusing to believe it was true. She only went to the doctor because she was tired of Nala pestering her to do so, just to discover she'd been pregnant this entire time.

3 months to be exact.

Nala's damn assumptions were right and Isis was dreading to hear her 'I told you so's'. How Nala knew before she did was beyond Isis, but there was no denying it now.

This can't be fucking happening, Isis thought to herself, as the tears burned in the corner of her eyes.

    Having a baby right now was not the plan she had for her life and the current status of her relationship with Javi didn't make Isis feel any better about the pregnancy. Especially with how he'd already been questioning her about the paternity. It disappointed her that Isis didn't trust him, but then again, she hadn't been so trusting of him either. Which was why they were in this state of turmoil now.

Adding a baby into their already complicated relationship didn't seem wise.

Yes, Isis always dreamed of having kids, but she wasn't sure wanted to keep it. Isis was barely managing to hold on, as is. Since her parents had died, imagining a future for herself was damn near impossible. It felt like all her hopes and dreams died with them. The drive she once had to push there those suicidal thoughts was now gone. Most days Isis found herself pushing through the motions of life, like a robot on autopilot. She didn't live in the moment. It was difficult too. Especially when her mind was always finding something to obsess over or nitpick at. The majority of her time was trying to fight off those self-defeating thoughts.

Her phone began to ring, knocking her out of her thoughts and Isis glanced at the caller ID seeing Nala's FaceTime call. She picked up on the second ring.

"Hey." She dryly answered, holding the camera down in front of her face.

"I take it, it didn't go well?" Nala unsurly questioned peering into the phone.

Isis exhaled deeply, massaging her forehead, "You were right. I'm pregnant." She unenthusiastically replied.

"Well don't say it like it's such a bad thing, Ice. Aren't you happy?"

Isis shrugged. She was feeling everything but happy. Nothing but a whole bunch of uncertainty ran through her veins.

"Truthfully, I don't even know if I want to have this baby." Isis admitted. She never thought she would have an abortion but having a child knowing she wasn't in the right mental space to raise it, felt wrong. Her child deserved nothing but the healthiest version of her and Isis was far from that at the moment.

"Foreal?" Nala asked, shocked to hear that from her sister. "I mean are you at least gonna tell Javi?"

Isis shrugged again. "Why should I? Especially if I don't plan on having it? Why place that type of hurt on him? It's honestly better if he doesn't know, at least until I figure it out."

Nala gave her a sympathetic look. "I get that, but I still think he has a right to know. It's his child as well."

"I guess. I'll think about it. Look I'll call you later." Isis said before abruptly hanging up. She understood where Nala was coming from but after Javi questioned the parentity of her pregnancy, Isis wasn't feeling the same way. She still was pissed over that and Isis couldn't help but feel like Javi was taking advantage of her feelings for him and her guilt for sleeping with Caine. Things hadn't really change since that night they left the club together. Javi was still putting her on the back burner and Isis was over trying to pacify his feelings. Eventually, Isis knew she would have to tell Javi, but that was only if she decided to keep the baby.

   Putting her phone on Do Not Disturb, Isis tossed it to the side before lying down on the couch. Her head was spinning and she was nauseous, which Isis was now realizing was morning sickness. The symptoms she thought were just from her cycle and being depressed were pregnancy symptoms this entire time. Isis grabbed the blanket from the end of the couch and threw it over her body.

She needed a nap and a temporary escape from reality. When she awoke, she'd deal with her problems then.

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