Wait For You in 5 Stages

Pt.12 : Crossover

I am deathly bored without Lumine.

I yearn for those meaningless conversations we used to have so badly.

Some days these thoughts become so painfully loud and my body aches to just see his face. I don't want to forget it... I don't even want to think of it at times because I'm scared I won't remember it.

I've tried every method Camille told me about. And more that I made up myself. I wrote out my feelings, I spoke to the wall, I went on walks, I punched my dresser, I stopped eating, I began to eat, I stopped sleeping, I slept more...

Nothing.

Every single coping method that could have a single chance at helping me just flew right through me. This feeling of dread suffocated me whenever I wake up to see a completely empty room with a world outside me, filled with unfamiliar faces. It's absolute agony to be human and know that no one knows me, and I know no one. I am completely alone where I am.

I know Camille said to keep hoping and shes also trying her best to help me. But sometimes I can't even move. It's like I'm frozen, stuck in eternal pain, plagued to stare and think about nothing but the people I've lost. Helpless. It feels like a disease.

This crushing feeling becomes so overwhelming that most days I feel as if I can't take it anymore. I've thought it over multiple times. Would I be in less pain if I went to see Lumine myself? I have nothing without him. I have no idea what he's thinking or where he even is. What if he really is a ghost and has changed? What if he is watching me right now and can think and hear my thoughts?

How often do you think of me?

He'd be pretty sad if he saw how I was doing.

I don't think I've been in a worse state than I am in now

How hopeless can I be to hope for something like getting him back?

I know it's useless but I cant help it, really. I'd claw my heart out to hear his voice. I scratch my skin when my head gets filled with my own internal screaming.

I think I've had enough. I really don't see a future and any of this going away any time soon. The only thing that I beg for right now is Lumine.

The pure young boy who smiled at me in times of despair. He threw himself in the line of death to save my life. His beautiful wavy hair that glowed when we went outside together. His stupid smile. His eyes. No one deserves the life he had, especially not him.

He would push away kids that I cowered away from, he was brave. He talked to adults so casually and worked so young, he was mature. He sat on my bed and listened to me talk. He would glance over at me whenever my father was brought up in a conversation. He would grab my hand whenever I woke up in terror, tears rolling down my face with no one to help me except for him. He was always there.

He would save me yet again if he was just here. Please, please, please come back Lumine. I loved you.

"Kody, please."

My body grew warm. An intense heat wrapped me when I heard my own name. It wasn't Camille's voice or Sera's voice. I must have started going delusional then. I'm starting to hit the state of mind where I am so far gone that I'm beginning to hallucinate.

..but i have a tinge of hope

Cold air brushes across my face. A wave of love and the sound of complete silence and peace crash into me. My heart feels light and my head stops hurting. I have never felt this good since...since I was a kid. It feels nostalgic to feel this happy. I feel wrapped in the arms of love.

"Kody, I've missed you. Please tell me you can hear me"

I was wrapped in the arms of love.