Wait For You in 5 Stages

Pt.19 : Linger

After the sun had set, we sit in silence for some time again, thinking to ourselves.

I felt so overwhelmed. My dead best friend just came back and explained to me what the afterlife was like. My limbs felt weak and my heart felt heavy.

I felt somewhat nauseous if I turned my head too quickly and my stomach burned whenever Lumine spoke.

After what Lumine just told me, I've come to realize that I'm the reason he came back to visit. I'm the reason he came back to the world he died in.

...and I feel awful for it.

I know it was his idea but he could have had eternal peace instead of seeing me again. I feel guilty for bringing the dead back. I feel guilty for making Lumine worry, even after death.

Wait- was it really all his idea? I remember wishing and begging for him to come back. Was it actually my fault?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry", Lumine wiped his tears.

To be honest, I already forgot he was even crying. I had too much in my mind. So many thoughts at once I felt like my head was going to explode.

I turned to him and cupped his face in my hands. It reminded me of the first time I touched his face, because he was annoying me about working at the weredog arena. It also reminded me of the feeling I had in my stomach when I did that.

"It's okay. but- Lumine. Are you seriously okay with being back here? I mean- I'll be okay... I'm worried for you too. You're a lingering spirit Lumine."

I put my hands down. Lumine's face dropped. His eyes widened, his eyebrows slowly raised, and his mouth slightly opened. I hadn't seen him in this much disbelief since the massacre at my old house. Did I say too much?

"What... does that mean?" His ears danced around in confusion.

I know he knew what it meant but I guess he needed to hear it directly from me.

"I-well you came back. After you died. We both were in denial and I did my fair share of begging for you too. If I remember from my magic books correctly, it's partially my fault you're a lingering spirit too. It connects with the similar emotions you felt before you died and how strong they got in this 'Limbo' -I guess- that brought you back."

He looked down.

"So what if I'm a lingering spirit? What does that do for me?"

"Well...not every spirit lingers. They only linger if they dwell on something."

"So...if they ONLY linger if they dwell... then does that mean-"

"-you'll eventually disappear."

He quickly looked at me with fear in his eyes. It sent a chill down my spine.

"No. I don't want to leave."

He grabbed onto my shoulders and began shaking me.

"Kody, can't I stay? I don't want to be without you- I don't want to leave my only home"

His snappy and quick actions scared me. I had never seen him this afraid of something ever. His eyebrows were furrowed and he scooted closer to me on his knees so that he towered over me a little. His pupils were suddenly small and there was no life in his eyes. In his soul. Who had he become?

Without thinking, I scooted away from him. I was sincerely, afraid.

He realized what he had done and sat back down.

"I'm sorry Kody.. I don't- I'm really- I'm scared. I just want to keep living alongside you... somewhere happy."

I understand. He's just a kid.

I wish we could give it another try. But we don't get a second chance. I don't consider his return a second chance either. Because nothing is the same.

I focus back on his hazy missing chunk of ear and scars. I feel dizzy just trying to make out the proper shape of the scar, bruise, or cut. It was like a hologram, it felt like it wasn't Lumine at all.

"Lum. Do you remember how you died?"