Wait For You in 5 Stages

Pt.27 : Macarons

I arrived back at Camille's place not too long later. I shook my hair free from snowflakes, stomped the dirt off my shoes, and put down the bag with the cake in it on the table. I walked in to pure silence.

"Are you angry?", Lumine chimed.

We hadn't spoken for a while ever since I realized he's invisible to people. I was too lost in my own thoughts to pay attention to the glances he was giving me.

I turned back and looked at him, standing in front of the door. The discomfort he reflected in his eyes made my face twitch. I looked down to see his hands balled up into fists, which I responded to with a slow inhale through my teeth.

I was too embarrassed to say what I was really thinking. That I just want everything to be normal and for our friendship to continue blossoming, for us to keep exploring new emotions and reactions.

I miss when we'd sit beside each other on the couch and my heart would thump annoyingly loud in my ears, I was scared but lucky to feel alive. I miss when he would turn into his werewolf form in his sleep and it would wake me up slightly irritated but I had to resist a laugh. I miss when I felt comfortable in the silence we had most of the time.

I liked the dynamic we had. He would talk and I would listen. I really liked what we had before.

Now, the silence was cold. The silence was begging to be filled with some sort of conversation but every thought I had was pushed to the back of my throat. I couldn't tell him anything anymore and that really made me upset.

"No, I'm not mad. I'm just thinking about earlier." My reply was half-assed and we both knew it, but he continued the conversation.

"About people not being able to see me?", he questioned.

I started to walk around the house, messing with every little thing to keep my eyes and hands occupied. I was really uncomfortable speaking to him about this stuff again.

"Yea."

"Why?"

I didn't walk to talk about this. I didn't want every conversation we had be about his death. It wasn't like him at all. It made me feel more distant than we ever had been.

Blood rushed to my head remembering what happened the last time I said I felt distant around him and whipped my head back.

He was still following me around. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"Do you think Camille can see me?" I didn't want to tell him the truth.

"Hmm..I dunno. When is she coming home?"

"..She comes home at different times remember?" I slowly turned to him.

"Oh yea. I forgot."

Lumine forgetting things was common but something like this stood out to me.

"Lumine, wanna help me make macarons?", I made my way into the kitchen.

He gasped. "Yes! Ouuu Kody you haven't made those in so long! But-"...

Again, I forgot he can't eat.

"Shut up. It's the process together that'll be fun. Who cares if you can't digest them, right?" I wanted to lift his mood.

"Yea I guess.."

"Plus I think it'll make me feel better."

He nodded and helped me prepare.

--

The kitchen was a mess. Lumine had batter stuck to the sides of his mouth and even strands of his hair were glued together by the mixture. The counters were messy with flour, bowls, and ingredients. The cabinets were left open after we rummaged for mixing tools. The apron I was wearing failed to protect my clothes because my black pants had splotches of white flour and food coloring stained on them. The sleeves of my hoodie were wet but they were finally finished.

Our macarons.

Lumine sat at the table, swinging his legs as he watched me carefully take out the treats. For the past hour, we messed around with eachother, focusing on the objective in front us. We didn't talk about the past or present reality and it was refreshing.

It was the most fun I've had in a while.

I dumped the macarons into a small glass bowl and held it with napkins to the dining table so I didn't burn myself. I placed it in front of Lumine and I slid into the chair across from him.

Again, this moment was like back to a few months ago when we would enjoy breakfast and lunch together, sitting across from one another, smiling like we are now.

I smiled because of him, he smiled because of the macarons. Two different reasons but they were both sweet. He grabbed one, tossing it between both his hands as he tried blowing the hot steam away. He finally popped it into his mouth and I silently watched as his eyes fluttered closed.

I read a book about this though and knew what was happening next. Personally, I think this logic is a cruel thing to do to an angel.

Lumine's eyes shot open and he rushed to the trash cans, coughing out the macaron. I rested against my hand, chewing on a blue one, sighing as I watched him heave and whine.

Ghosts couldn't digest food because "human" food wasn't made for them. It was made as a kind gesture, not to actually consume. While for a split second they can taste their beloved meals, a retched reminder of who they are now flashes in their minds and the food they eat turns into a combination of bile and ashes.

I felt sorry for him. I did, but I couldn't just tell him he couldn't have any.

He came back to sit across from me after rinsing out his mouth. He had his hands between his thighs and he couldn't look at me.

"Sorry Kody.. the macarons were amazing as usual but-- I saw... I just remembered and saw things that- I couldn't-"

"It's okay. I know." I lost my appetite again.

I took the bowl of macarons away and closed them with a lid so that Camille can enjoy them later.

We cleaned up the mess and I remembered the cake we bought earlier. I found it on a table in the living room, room temperature now but I didn't want to eat it today anyway. I closed it in the fridge and decided to wait for a time we could both enjoy it.

It spoiled and rotted after a week.