Wait For You in 5 Stages

Pt.23 : Silence

5:45am

My eyes snapped open, startled into wakefulness. My body, engulfed in flames, jolted up, drenched in sweat. I felt scared.

I wasn't dreaming and I didn't hear anything. Why was I so scared.

I could hear my heart racing. I could feel my heartbeat pounding all the way down to my feet. I was still on the living room couch.

I lay back down onto my pillow after removing the blankets from my legs. I stared into the ceiling, now immobile from exhaustion. I wanted to go back to sleep and escape. I wanted to dream of somewhere better.

I hated how quiet it got in this room. It was pitch black and I couldn't even see my hands. I was staring into darkness that I started to believe wasn't even real. There were often days like this where I let my mind play tricks on me.

"i think of our conversations when I can't sleep", I whispered to the void.

I often talk to myself these days. Speaking out loud and not hearing an answer I don't want to hear has been relaxing.

"I'm eager to know what you think. Of me."

I wonder if he gets these messages. It's thoughts like this that make me wish I had gone with him.

"You've become the most fluent in understanding me."

I scoffed. I would've never said that to his face.

I listened to nothing. The silence so deafening, my thoughts were powerful bickers. No reply.

I relaxed my body after realizing my eyebrows were furrowed and my shoulders were tensed.

It's really. hard. doing this everyday.

I just really. want a break.

It's like grief wears a crown. It's so powerful, it controls me.

I feel really, really tired. I don't want to get up tomorrow. I don't want to get up the next day. Or even next week. What's the use?