i'm loving, but who could love me?

"love of mine."

"love of mine."
merry go round of life -joe hisaishi

lover of mine
you light up my life

you make me believe in better days
you make me believe in sunshine

i see it in your smile
i see it your eyes

i waited nineteen summers to find you
and so when i did i knew
you were the one that turned me red
i was once blue

a solemn soul
aching to find you

i waited nineteen winters in my room
i cried out to God
for the touch of a hand
the breath of a man
that would take my spirits high

a man that had no apology
he never needed to lie
a man that loved with a love that was bigger than i
a man that did not need instructions for loving
he just knew
because love to him
was simple in his mind

it is in his nature
it's in the way he smiles
it's a happiness he cannot hide
a softness the world cannot describe
a caring that no man has ever seen
except for when a mother sees her child's eyes
those eyes were passed down in time
and given to a man just under 6'5
he is soft
he is there
he is gentle
i know he cares

but i?

couldn't hold his sweetness
to this day i
crave the love he gave

i'd rot my teeth to feel something sweet like you again

there's an empty pit and he used to fill it

so i cannot smile like the wind
i cannot smile like him
because there's a missing piece of my soul that walks within
there's a living piece of my soul that i was happy to give
there's a living piece of my soul
and it forever lives

with him

i let him go
four summers ago

but i waited
nineteen

so i will wait again
this is
foolish

this is empty
of me

to wait for such a thing
it may seem almost greedy

to crave a love like his
but my lover of mine
is not mine anymore

but i still think of before
i won't forget four
summers ago

we loved
and i had never felt so sure of him

but i was the catalyst
i was the breaking bridge
i still hold onto the red entangled line
that God wraps find our hearts when we love another person
i crossed the line
but closer to you
felt all the same

you exist somewhere with a piece of me in you
i wonder if you feel the same

i cannot blame myself anymore
i loved you before

i got the chance
i will remember four
four summers ago!

four summers ago i loved you so
four summers ago i loved you with everything i had left

and it is a love that remains
a love
impossible to forget

lover of mine
you lit up my life

you still make me believe in better days
you still point me to the sunshine

i feel you in the breeze
i still see your eyes in the sky

i love you too the moon
and back a couple of times

lover of mine
who was and not is
mine

i pray in some other universe
our love stays

don't ever change

lover of mine

i love you four
i love you nineteen
i love you infinity

however long it takes
i will love you then
and now
until forever
until my last breath

i promise

i will never forget