Finding Love Series #5: Quest For Dear

CHAPTER FOURTEEN [Unedited]

"You okay?"

I came back to my senses when I hear XL tender voice. As if he's trying to console me the way his tone flow and the way his gentle eyes flickered me.

It's been days and yet, I am still bothered to what happened last few days. Kahit anong comfort ko sa sarili ko na ayos lang, na hindi mauulit, hindi ko pa ring maiwasan ang mangamba.

My brain can't stop thinking about it. Nagiging okupado lang utak ko kapag nandiyan ang boyfriend ko. My boyfriend presence makes me ease, makes my worries lose.

"Hmm....." I lean my head on his shoulder and inhale his scent. His smell giving me comfort and serenity, cutting me off from my grumbled mind.

He cursed his self, "Of course, she's fvcking not." He answer to himself and peck my head while caressing my back.

Ilang minuto kaming natahimik bago ako nagsalita, alam kong maapektuhan ang relasiyon namin kapag tinanong ko 'to sa kaniya. "Dear?"

He stiff when I called him with my endearment for him. He still not to used of it and just stared at me as if he became more crazy.

"Dear?" His voice is confused at the same time there's a gentleness and amusement within there.

My face heated when I realized what my mouth just spit out. Bigla-bigla na lang pumasok ang word na 'dear' sa utak ko. And it's too late to take back. He had already heard it clearly and apparent.

"A-ayaw mo?" Mahina ang boses kong tanong habang hindi makatingin sa kaniya. Might as well panindigan natin.

Embarrassed because it's my first time to call him with endearment. Mas madalas kasing tawagin ko siya ng XL at sa aming dalawa, siya ang may endearment na 'baby' para sa akin.

"Even if it's too baduy to hear, I love it. I fvcking love it when you call me 'dear'." Mas lalo pang nadagdagan ang hiya ko sa katawan nang siya mismo ang bumanggit.

"It is okay with you if......" Mas lalo kong pinagduldulan ang ulo ko sa balikat ni XL. I can't bear to see his painful face. Baka hindi ko na lang ituloy sabihin sa kaniya.

"If?" Mas lalong lumambing ang boses ni XL nang maramdam siguro ang pagdadalangwang-isip ko. His left hand is continued to caress my back as well as taking a peck on my head.

We're at my apartment, I was preoccupied when he went here and visited me while he brings food. Nakaharap sa laptop ko habang nakatulala at pinag-iisipan ang sasabihan ko ngayon.

With his encouraging and softly voice, I then continued. "We don't meet each other first at..... School?" Natigil siya sa paghaplos sa likod ko, ganun rin ang panaka-panakang paghalik sa ulo ko.

He must've been hurt that's why I immediately raise my head and take back my words.

Nagulat ata siya sa biglaang pagbangon ko kaya hindi kaagad nakareact si XL. "Pero kung ayaw mo, ayos lang. Naisip ko lang iyun kasi nadidistract ako kapag nariyan ka. I've always forget our rules when it comes to you. Sorry kung nasaktan kita. It won't happen again, promise. Don't be mad, please?" only him and Nelia were genuinely love and wants me and then I still have the gut to hurt him? Hurt them?

I'm a very sensitive person kaya hindi na bago sa akin ang lumuluha ako ngayon.  I'm skin onion, easy to get hurt, very sensitive person and easy to melt. Para akong sensitibong balat na madaling masugatan kahit mahina lang ang pagkadadapa. 

Panic, worried, pissed and pain washed over his face when he sees my shredding tears. Kahit anong pigil ko sa sarili kong umiyak, hindi ko pa rin matigil sarili ko hanggang hindi ko naririnig ang response ni XL. Ng boyfriend ko.