The Gentle Truth

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 15 | Goodbye

I never imagined saying those words to him. Never in my wildest dreams I thought of ending everything we have. It was hard, but I knew better. I knew I have to do this.

He ran his fingers through his hair, creating a beautiful mess out of it. He looked so frustrated. He heave a sigh. I was just eyeing him, trying to gauge his reactions. He looked up and blinked numerous times. He looked back at me with weary eyes. I didn't faltered beneath the intensity of his gaze.

"Is that what you really want? Annulment?" He said those with his unsure voice. I gulped the lump on my throat.

Sigurado ako sa desisyon ko. Ilang beses kong pinag-isipan. Alam kong ito lang ang paraan para makalaya kami sa sakit na nararamdaman namin.

"Oo, sigurado ako. It's for the best, Joaquin." Wow, nakakaproud at hindi ako nautal. Ngayong nasabi ko 'to eh para akong papanawan ng ulirat. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.

Pero halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang muli nyang ihampas ang nga kamay sa lamesang pumapagitna saaming dalawa. Gulo-gulo na ang buhok nya. Ilang beses rin syang pumipikit ng mariin.

"It's for the best? Alaina, have you heard yourself? Paano mo nasabing para 'to sa ikabubuti natin kung magiging dahilan 'to kung bakit masisira tayong dalawa?" Hindi ko alam kung maiiyak ako sa sinabi nya, sa itsura nya, o sa kadahilanang hindi sya nagtataas ng boses. Pero may diin parin sa mga iyon.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Hindi ko kinakaya ang intensidad ng mga titig nya. Ayokong manlambot dahil sa mga iyon. Ayokong lokohin na naman ang sarili ko. Dahil alam kong kapag tumitig ako sa mga mata nya, babagsak ako. Babagsak na naman ako sakanya.

"You're seriously leaving me..." It was a whisper. A cruel whisper that caused my attention to snapped back at him.

"Joaquin, hindi mo ba naiintindihan? Mas mabuti na—"

"Paano mo nasasabing makabubuti ito kung parang pinapatay mo na rin ako?" I felt every fiber in my body froze upon hearing his words. I couldn't even process everything. Hindi ako nakasagot. Natakot ako sa mga kung anong masabi ko. Totoo pala iyon no? Nakakatakot talaga ang sarili mong galit.

"Waki, tinatapos ko na nga yung sakit eh. Para hindi na tayo mahirapan." He shook his head violently. Hindi niya pinapakinggan ang mga sinasabi ko.

"No, Lai. You didn't even try to hear me out. You're turning deaf against the gentle truth I'm saying."

"Fuck the truth, Joaquin! This? This is not the gentle truth we envisioned for ourselves. This is not the gentle truth we wanted, not we expected. This didn't made anything easier rather than put us in a position where we have to kill each other's light just to survive the pain! "

He looked down. I looked away. I cannot bear the sight of him crying infront of me anymore. His sobs were audible. It was getting louder. That his shoulders started to move.

"I never wanted to hurt you in any ways. I can't bear the truth of losing you.... It's not the gentle truth, babe. What happened was far from gentleness. It tore us apart. It created a massive wall that separated us. Now I can't feel you through these walls... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, babe...." I immediately ran to him when he fell on the floor, sobbing real hard. I did everything I could to wrap my arms around him and embrace him warmly.

We were crying out hearts out. Broken hearted for the lives we lost. We stayed there till I felt him slowly calmed down. I looked away again, clearing the lump on my throat.

"Huwag na nating pag-usapan pa 'to." Tumayo na ako at tinalikuran sya. Pero bago pa ako makalayo ay muli siyang nagsalita.

"Buo na ba talaga ang desisyon mo?" He asked with his hoarse voice. I closed my eyes tightly, swallowing my sorrows.