mafias obsession(1st book in mafia obsession series)

chapter 11: Flirtations or imagination?

I didn't understand what he had said. I didn't understand his actions. I didn't understand what had happened. Or was it that I didn't want to understand? Maybe the guilt clouding my mind made me not want to understand even a word of my mother tongue. I shouldn't even be questioning what had happened, I'm sure in reality it meant nothing. But did it?

I was in Creed's room. Don't ask why I thought it was a good idea. But it was innocent, at least that's what it seemed. It was simply that he had two monitors in there and some of us wanted to game together, whilst the others were baking cookies or doing something else.

It was a Wednesday afternoon, a time where relaxing whilst having a bit of fun was a good idea.

"Know how to use a monitor like this?" It was the first words Creed had ever spoken directly to me. I mean sure we had the odd conversation or two, but those were always guided by the others. My reasoning for it was my constant worry of saying something wrong, however his reasoning was unknown of.

"Mhm..thank you for this by the way.." I mumble, I knew eventually I would have to get comfortable with him and be able to have true and proper conversations, but I just wasn't ready yet. My nerves were overwhelming and if it wasn't for the fact that he could suspect something was up, I would have run right out of there and never came back.

"Of course" Is all he says before going over to his own monitor. I suppose i was grateful that he didn't make the conversation last for too long, but there was still a pang of sadness in my heart that he didn't seem to want to talk to me. I shouldn't have been so bothered by it but reluctantly i was.

As we joined the game, Liver, Fern and Blade were put onto one team whilst me, Lye and Creed were put on another. Just my luck, i swear the universe hates me. It was bad enough being left alone in the same room as him but now not only was i put on the same group but we were put with Lye too. I already felt guilty enough, I didn't need the continuous thoughts of having to pick between my crush and my dream boyfriend.

It was like year 8 all over again, feeling like i had to pick between the two people i was obsessed with. Luckily this time it was someone i loved over someone i simply liked so it was easier to choose. But did i really want to choose? that was the important question. The other important question was why the hell was i like this?

"Allia?" I heard a voice, but i was too into my trance of guilt that i didn't yet realise who it came from.

"hm?" It wasn't an answer but it was the only thing my mind could comprehend at the moment.

"Look i don't bite ok? it's just a game, you don't have to look so worried" the voice was more gentle than it usually was. We don't bite unless you want us to. maybe Liver was right? i mean how bad could it really end up being?

"yeah i guess.." they were actual words this time. I look up to Creed and give him a soft smile and nod.

"anyway, we should probably get back with the game then" and suddenly his voice was back to the reserved version of him and any sort of connection that may have formed disintegrated into thin air.

We started the game and as we played i could hear how Lye's and Creed's friendship was. They were clearly best friend's. Even if they would make fun of each other or annoy each other, there was a strong sense of trust and i would say even love for one another there. So why the hell was i being so selfish by wanting the both of them? Was i really that bad of a person and greedy that i couldn't feel complete with what i already had?

"I'm sure Allia would help" I heard Creed say and looked up from the game, i threw myself so far into. help with what? "wouldn't you help me with my problem Allia?" he chuckled. Did he really just chuckle? Lye must make him feel so much more at ease.

But did he really have to say it like that? "oh sweetheart won't you help me with my little problem?" he smirked as he made me gag more. fuck i would help any problem he ever had.

"well Allia?" Creed asked, pulling me out of my forbidden fantasy. You could practically hear Lye fuming with how Creed was teasing me.

"i- what problem?" I asked, my reply was innocent but his didn't sound like it was.

"what problem do you think it is" he was taunting me, but i suppose it was to get Lye riled up and not for the reason i would have wished it was.

"i don't know.." i muttered, trying my best to hide my blush.

The answer was to help him defeat the attackers in the game. Of course it was, why would it be anything else?

But still as we continued the game, he kept being so playful. It was like the version of him that i knew disappeared or that it never existed.

Maybe the truth was it only existed around me? so maybe it wasn't just that he didn't like me the way i liked him but maybe he had something against me too? Either way i knew i would eventually have to get over this pathetic crush i had on him.

I decided i would ignore any other thoughts like the ones i was having and play instead, focusing everything onto the game and getting so many kills that even Lye stopped for a moment.

"god damn sweetheart, where'd all this come from?" I suppose he was shocked i was playing even better than he was, which was a first but i refused to focus on anything but the game.

The guilt i had. I killed another. The forbidden fantasy that messed with my mind. Another kill. The constant need for things i didn't already have. Kill. It was like all the negative emotions i was currently feeling was being put into this single game.

"fuck!" i heard a shout of annoyance, seeing that Lye had died.

Seemed like i truly was playing better than him, but Creed was playing almost as well as i was. I had 50 kills and he had 48, if we continued playing like this we would win in no time.

He got shot. I continued shooting, getting more kills by the minute. we would win right? If we win i'll make Lye proud and maybe even make Creed like me, i wouldn't be seen as absolutely useless after all.

"Aw not gonna help me?" it was Creed, and that's when i looked up finally out of the trance of the game. He had been killed and if he wouldn't be saved in the next 2 minutes we would lose.

But at the way he had asked it, my mind travelled away from the game and back into the darkest pits of hell that it shouldn't have been. Why at every tease did my mind have to think of Creed in ways it shouldn't? it was disrespectful and far from right. So why couldn't my mind just stop?

"Tell me Allia, do you want me to be begging for it? Do you want me on my knees?" He pauses for a moment as he looks at me with a smirk. For a moment I forgot that we were playing a game and it was obviously only that he was talking about. "Well? Are you going to revive me or not?" He chuckles.

I simply nodded, not trusting my body at the moment because apparently it was acting like i wasn't in control but someone else was.

I revived him and got us to win the game. But my mind was going all over the place. My breathing was becoming heavy. And it felt like the walls had gotten tighter.

I needed to get out of there. I got up and left, i couldn't do it anymore.