mafias obsession(1st book in mafia obsession series)

chapter 16: angel child

!Trigger warning!: This chapter contains moments of Forced child murder and near death of a child. This will not heavily impact the story.

My footsteps were banging in my ears. My breathing getting heavier and heavier. I had to make it. I had to. There was no if's or but's about it. I ran faster, when arriving so near to the place I wanted to I kept going in circles. I got more and more frustrated trying to go in one direction but continuously going in circles. "It's that way miss" a man pointed at a street for me and I thanked him before going towards it. I got nervous as I got closer but I was determined. I opened the front house door and saw them. I smiled softly and hugged them tightly and for some reason they hugged me back. Everything was perfect...

Until it wasn't. It was a dream. That's all it ever was. You would think I would be over it by now but I wasn't. It was always that recurring dream. The one where I was happy with them, the one where I hadn't lost them, the one where they loved me the same amount as I loved them.

I felt guilty, why was i thinking about the person i lost when i had two amazing people in my life in the first place. But my mind couldn't stop flooding with so many thoughts. I once thought that running away when i turned the right age would solve all my problems but i was more than wrong. Nothing could solve my problems, i was nothing more than a broken hearted, naive teenage girl.

Did they even love me? Why did they even take me with them in the first place? Maybe they would all be better off without me?

I stood up and went downstairs, everyone was shocked to see me as i had been in my room the past couple of days after the whole incident that had happened. For once in my life i ignored them all and left out the front door, walking and walking.

I didn't know where i was going, what i was walking away from or why i was doing this. It felt like someone had taken over my body for me. Maybe i was grateful that they had or maybe it felt like i was trapped, i couldn't tell the difference.

Tears were streaming down my face as i was taken into moments i hated, as i kept walking flashes kept happening. I tried to stop them but it felt as useless as screaming underwater, i needed someone to help. Help me. Please someone help me. I needed saving from my own mind.

I felt like i was being followed but just kept walking. Maybe it's Lye? keep walking. I did as my thoughts told me, i kept walking. I wanted them back. I needed them with me. I craved having them. They were all different people i was thinking about.

Wants, needs, cravings. all things that could explain love. But what was love truly good for? other than heartbreak. other than bringing tears to eyes. other than un-said words. other than screams held back. Who knew what love really was good for.

I found myself at a shop, seeing how people were had my heart break more than it already was. Why did everyone else deserve to be happy? Why did i get to suffer but they all got happy lives? I saw happy families, the children laughing and the adults smiling and looking at each other and their kids with loving gazes, young couples giving each other kisses and showing that they truly loved each other. Everyone was so fucking happy it made me sick to my stomach. why couldn't that be me? why did everyone leave? why did my soul tie leave me? why did everything that was good always turn bad? why couldn't i ever have anything that lasted?

For a moment it was like time had stopped and i could see everyone having lives they wanted to live, happy lives they got to share with their loved ones. and i was simply the observer who would never be allowed their own happy ending.

But then i was pulled out of my trance by hearing the screams of the people. There was a masked man holding a gun to the cashier, it was clearly a robbery but everyone was so panicked. Didn't they know panicking was the worst thing to do?

Heartlessly i was about to turn around and leave without helping, that was until i saw a little kid. He looked no older than 5 and the gun was to his head.

"shoot." he commanded, my hands were shaking but i don't think he ever cared when i was afraid. i was nothing more than a member to him. I couldn't do it. They were my friend, i didn't want to lose my friend. "did i say to stand there and look like a lost puppy? no. i said to shoot" I felt the gun barrel against my temple. it was so cold, almost as cold as the room itself. I looked up at him with pleading eyes, begging him to not make me choose my own life or someone else's. i had leylan to go back to but i didn't want to lose my friend either. why was everyone so cruel? why did no one care? "shoot." I heard the words again and closed my eyes tightly, waiting for my body to make the decision. As i heard the gun shot but didn't feel it i realised what decision i had made and a gasp got stuck in my throat. i was a murderer. but i felt nothing, i knew i wasn't allowed to feel any emotion so i didn't. i swallowed by gasp and stared into the distance, my eyes coming in and out of focus. i was as bad as the man who was holding a gun to my head. my owner who always reminded me of it when it was only me, him and his friends. as bad as the man i didn't want to call my father. i hated the fact that he was, i despised it with every bone in my body almost as much as i despised the fact that he was training me so i could take over this cruel business.

I ran in to help the boy, I didn't care if It meant I could be shot and never spend a single moment on this planet again, I just couldn't have another child lose their life right in front of my eyes. I had to do something. anything. I was willing to risk it all for this boy I've never met before. all because I still had the guilt that I didn't before.

Running in front of the boy and grabbing the gun from the man everything went deadly silent and suddenly there was nothing but the black room that i call home.