mafias obsession(1st book in mafia obsession series)

chapter 36: Mafia

I wanted to join. I wanted to be apart of it. It would bring me the safety I craved so badly. I needed to be apart of it. It wasn't just a want, it was a desperate need. But did I know what I was getting myself into?

My thoughts were going haywire. All I could think about is wanting and needing the protection. Needing to feel safer.

Everytime I had tortured someone I felt stronger and had more control. That was the first step right?

Not only would my idea make me feel safer and protected, but it would make me feel closer to them all too. It would make me feel more connected to them.

I knew my plan could go terribly wrong, by it either not working out at all or apart of it not going as planned.

But the only thing I could do is ask. Was I ready to ask though? Was I ready to want to join such a thing? I knew some parts of how dark it could be. Was I ready to embrace that? Or was apart of me still afraid?

I stared at my wall as I went through my thoughts, trying to figure out what path I should choose. But was one of the paths even a path at all? Or was either of them a path? What if neither option truly existed? What if I had to choose a completely different path.

This plan was going to change my life forever. Was I ready for that big of a change? Or was the decision already made for me?

I finally made up my mind and went to where I knew Lye was. One of his offices.

"Yes princess?" It still slightly scared me at the fact that he knew I was around him without looking up.

This was my final chance to choose a different decision. This was my final chance to turn around and never even think about this question and option again.

"I need to talk to you" it seemed like I had already chosen which path to go down.

"Come here" he said the words so softly and I went into the office, sitting on the chair opposite his own. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"Truthfully I don't know how to ask this or even say this" I started, for a moment I was hoping he would already know what I was talking about but he obviously wasn't a mind reader so of course he wouldn't.

"Take your time" he placed his hand on top of mine.

"I..I was wondering if I could join whatever it is your apart of.." it was the only way I could ask the question.

"Explain sweetheart" he looked at me with a curious look but it seemed like it was mixed with worry too.

"I don't know how exactly to put It into words..I know you've mentioned before that your not involved in anything..but with all these secrets, with all these things that keep happening there's clearly something.." I was scared for a moment that he would shout at me, become angry and violent. I knew that wasn't the sort of person he was. He would never harm me but the fear was still there.

"It's a long explanation..and it's extremely dangerous darling" he sighed softly.

"I know it's dangerous..but there's so many secrets kept, there's practically another world that I only keep getting glimpses of instead of knowing the whole thing. And I know you and the others are keeping dark secrets.." I was trailing on before Lye stopped me.

"What makes you want to join?" He asked softly. Was he considering it?

"It feels like it could give me protection and I would feel more powerful and more in control...I mean with all the torture I've been doing ever since I got here...I know it sounds so weird and strange but it makes me feel like I'm in more control of my life" I sounded like a madman. I wouldn't be surprised if Lye laughed at everything I had just said.

"How far are you willing to go?" He asked me.

"What..?" I was confused for a moment.

"How far are you willing to go?" He repeated the words he had said "The organisation is alot darker than you could even imagine. It's dangerous and psychotic and there's many people who aren't able to handle the life. We've had grown men cry because they couldn't handle it. So how far are you willing to go?" His question made my mind wonder. How far was I willing to go? How far was I willing to go to feel the same feelings I did when I tortured others? How far was I willing to go to feel in control of my life? How far was I willing to go for the protection? Did I even know?

For a moment I stayed quiet, wondering about my answer. But when the thoughts of wanting to join never leaved my mind I realised I was willing to take it as far as needed, as long as I didn't feel weak anymore, or at least didn't feel weak every moment of the day like I did now.

"As far as it takes" I answered, i was confident in my answer, even though I still had worried lurking in the back of my mind.

Lye looked at me for a moment, it was like he was deciding whether he should tell me something or not. Whether I was ready to know something or not. But he sighed softly and simply said "then there's alot I need to explain to you"