9th member of Stray Kids // y/n

chapter 19~ we all make mistakes

Chan and Minho go in the ambulance whilst you, Changbin, and Felix call a taxi. Seungmin, Han and Jeongin volunteer to stay home as the paramedics had explained the hospital only allows 5 visitors per patient. The car journey was completely silent apart from the radio playing quietly. You grip both of their hands as the ever growing pit in your stomach expands. Although the taxi is quiet your thoughts are the opposite, clouded with all possibilities, the paramedics had praised you and Jeongin for listening out for him as a few more minutes and he would have gone in a cardiac arestt. But why was he taking drugs in the first place and how had we never noticed before, as far as everyone was aware he never took medication apart from the occasional paracetamol for headaches.

"Do you think it was medical?"
Felix seems to be thinking the same as you. The only reply you can give is shrugging your shoulders.

"There was a lot of it, but I don't think hospitals give such things in plastic bags like that."

"You think?"
But Felix shakes his head in disbelief.

"Even if it is medical when did he even get the chance to go to the hospital? And how did we not notice?"
You try taking a deep breath but it feels impossible and as if something is blocking your airways. Changbin turns to you.

"If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have made it."
You close your eyes not even being able to think about how life would be without Hyunjin and squeeze his hand.

"Don't say that, we should be grateful he's alive."
With that the taxi stops outside the main entrance and you pay him before running inside to the reception desk. As soon as she says he's been to the emergency surgery ward, your heart drops and Felix has to grab your hand to drag you out of the lobby. You sprint to the ward's waiting room to find Chan and Lino in the corner with distressed faces. Wasting no time, you guys make your way over to them and they both stand up

"That was the scariest journey to the hospital of my life."
Changbin puts an arm around his shoulder to comfort him.

"He seemed fine at first when the paramedics injected something he even opened his eyes then a minute later he had a really big seizer."
Tears start to pour out of his eyes and Changbin brings him in for a hug. Through sniffs, he mumbles out from his shoulder.

"It's just so hard to watch when you know you can't do anything about it."

                           ~~~~~~~

Watching the white clock on the wall tick by the hours and many people come and go from the waiting room wasn't helping that fact that no nurse had updated us. Lee Know had gone to the front desk many times to be back with the same response of 'we haven't been updated on that patient yet'. Its now 2 in the morning and everyone but you and Chan is awake. Sleeping just didn't seem like an option for you. Looking over to him you ask.

"Wanna go to the vending machine?"
He nods, and you both stand up. The hospital is very quiet, and the lights are dimmed - even turned off in some corridors - as everyone is sleeping.

"Do you think the company will announce what happend?"
You ask whilst navigating the empty Maze of a hospital in search of a vending  machine.

"I don't know, if it wasn't for medication, it's likely they may put him in rehabilitation, but we don't know how long he's been using."
You nod slightly, thinking about all the situations you had been put in.

"I just can't believe he was going through that all alone - I feel horrible for not noticing his pain."
Chan stops and turns to you.

"Y/N, this isn't your fault, in fact, if it wasn't for you he wouldn't have even been alive."

"I understand that, but he must have felt so bad if drugs was his final resort. He knows the consequences we all do. And I cant get that image of when I saw him lying on the floor out of my head."
He reaches for your hand and intertwines fingers.

"We all make mistakes, we still don't know what happened, so we can't assume yet."
You walk the rest of the way there and back in silence but still holding hands. Exhaustion creeping, you lean your head on his shoulder once you sit down, closing your eyes until you drift off into a slumber. 

Someone shakes you awake, and as you open your eyes, Seungmin is standing in front of you. Behind him, everyone is standing around a nurse dressed in light purple scrubs who is explaining something.

"Come on we are going home."

He ushers you up, holding out a hand to help you stand up. Confused, you take is hand and stand up.

"Aren't we going to meet Hyunjin? Is he okay?"

"They can't tell us anything because we aren't family, there's no point in staying here."

"Where are his parents?"

He shrugs his shoulders.

"Out of the country on holiday."

You stand in the middle of the waiting room speechless as tears start to well in your eyes for the nth time in the span of a few days.

"So we don't even know if he's alive right now?"

He nudges your shoulder lightly.

"Hey don't say that."

At that moment the rest of the members come back from talking with the nurse, all with unamused expressions.

"This is ridiculous, they can't even tell us his condition."

Changbin says with his arms crossed around his chest. You all walk out of the hospital silent, dissapionted and take the bus home the dorm. Jeongin unlocks and opens the door for everyone, but as soon as he sees our faces his smile immediately drops.

"What happened? Is he not okay?"

Chan sighs heavily, slumping down on the sofa after taking his shoes off.

"That's the thing we don't know. The nurse said that its confidential information that only legal relatives and guardians can know before telling us to 'kindly leave the premisses'."

"Aren't his 'legal relatives and guardians' on holiday right now."

He says, making quotation marks with his fingers in the air. Chan nods before closing his eyes and leaning his head back onto the sofa.. You pass the bathroom in the corridor that now doesn't have a door and frown, images from last night flooding back into memory. You don't waste anytime either going back to your bedroom and changing into comfortable clothes after taking a shower. Yet even after you slump down onto the bed, slumber felt like an undoable task. Undoubtedly, Hyunjin was going through something that everyone else didn't know about but the legislations in Korea make it near impossible to misuse drugs without serious consequences. You wonder if the company will announce his situation to the public however that seemed highly unlikely for now until his parents tell us his condition. You stand up to go open a window as the room starts to become stuffyand lean on the windowsill looking outside. Because you had slept all night at the hospital, it was now day, but the weather seemed to reflect everybody's dreary mood, grey clouds covering the blue sky.

I can't bare what's happening to us...

A/N~ omggggg Lose My Breath is sooo god damn good Changbins vocals are OUT OF THIS WORLD❤️ btw ill try post at least one chapter a week but my exams are this month lol