The Philocalist 〰 ♡ 〰 Volume Two

The Bet

"I feel like you should be panicking about this more than you are" Nolan says, as he follows Elle into her bedroom. 

"I already cried on the way home, this is just a brief pause in the crying" Elle sniffles.

"El-" Nolan starts.

"No, I just-... Zoe is dead, I've had to move houses twice in the past month, my babysitter is gone so now I'm paying for this super expensive child care, I'm entering the more rigorous part of my training, Jackson still hates me for some reason, and now I can't even take care of my kids" Elle rambles out. 

"they're not your kids" Nolan offers, trying to be supportive but saying the wrong words.

"yes, they are! I raised them! I've fed them and clothed them and taken care of them since they were 3 days old and since Max was three!" Elle sobs, starting to cry. "they're not my nieces and nephews! They're my kids and goddamn I've tried so hard to raise them but I'll never be a good mother, even my body is telling me that! All Max wanted was Zoe and I lost Zoe, all Dasha and Sashia want is my milk and I lost that, all Jake wants is to see Cassie again but Cassie just OD'd again and I haven't told him yet and I just-"

Elle stops for a minute, sinking to the floor.

"I'm so fucking tired" Elle whispers. 

Nolan walks over to her and drops to his knees, quickly enveloping Elle into a hug. He doesn't trust himself to say words that will make Elle feel better so instead he decides to silently support her and hold her. 

"they're my kids, Max was right, I am a bad mom" Elle sobs into Nolan's chest, clinging to his shirt.

"no, you're not" Nolan whispers. 

[Eight Hours Later]

"damnit" Tim curses once Nolan tells him about Elle's evening last night.

"she was a mess, could barely get her to bed" Nolan says, his voice hushed in the busy men's locker room. 

"how's she looking this morning?" Tim asks.

"like a zombie" Nolan responds. "but she mentioned that Jackson still hated her or something which I didn't get because I thought Jackson got over Elle dating Zoe, but now I think something is up with them for a different reason."

"Grey is taking West today, so I'll talk to Grey about it" Tim sighs "so you and Angela will be with Elle. I would take her but Chen's been a handful lately and something tells me she'll be a handful today"

"Angela was there when she was diagnosed, so we should be able to help her" Nolan nods.

Tim nods, grimly, seeing Jackson hovering nearby. Tim sends him a glare and Jackson walks off.

[Thirty Minutes Later]

"Today is problem day. So you know what that means." Grey announces during roll call.

"Actually, sir, I-I don't." Nolan pipes up. 

"Problem spots on your patrol route. Locations that attract crime like a felonious magnet." Grey explains.

"Businesses used as a cover for criminal activity." Tim continues.

"No-tell motels, massage parlors, dive bars." Angela lists.

"Or anywhere that ex-cons gather to plan their next adventure." Jackson adds.

"The spots you see every day and you vow to take them down if you have the time, but we never have the time. So today we make some." Grey finishes.

He eyes Smitty whispering to another officer.

"Is there a problem, Smitty?" Grey asks.

"Oh, no, sir. I love playing whack-a-mole." Smitty grins.