Moonsland (EN)

James (III)

(October 5)

  It's finally time to leave. Yes, I love anatomy classes, but I've been waiting for this moment since Monday. I ask the member of staff who sits near the psychologist's office if the psychologist is available and she tells me that I have to wait until the break is over. Luckily the break is only five minutes, but it feels like more.
  At ten-fifteen sharp, the psychologist opens the door to her office.
- Hello James, come in! - he greets, closing the door.
- Hello, what did you have to tell me on Monday? - I ask bluntly.
- Is everything all right? Has anything changed since we last spoke? - he asks, ignoring my question.
- Yes, I'm fine. A few things have changed since Monday. - I confess, smiling involuntarily. - First, when I left here, I went to the library where I met a girl from my class, and we started talking. And yesterday I met another girl who is Amy's friend.
- Amy is the one you met on Monday, right? And who's the other girl you met yesterday? - she asks me, while writing in the same red notebook as last time.
- Yes, it was. The other girl is Emily.
- I noticed you smiled when you mentioned Emily, why?
- Did I smile? I didn't even notice. - I answer, because I smiled involuntarily, but consciously. I know I did, I just don't know why.
- Got it. Let's talk about something else. - he says, in a way that makes it obvious that he understood that I had understood the question, but didn't want to talk about it or didn't know how to approach it. It's complicated. - So, on Monday I came to a small conclusion that was somewhat contradicted a few moments ago, but it's this. I think... I think you have autism. But it's almost non-existent and proof of that is that your brain has realized that something is wrong and wants to correct it. - He speaks in a serious tone.
- So, I have autism, but almost nonexistent. So, I can get around, is that it? - I ask, trying to process the information.
- Yes, I've heard of rare cases in which the person realizes they have autism and tries to change, and this can happen at all three levels of intensity, but it's more common at the first level.
- And how can I stand being touched and being in places with lots of people and noise?
- You can only do this with practice. You have to do it little by little to adapt. I advise you to tell someone you know and like about this situation and ask them to help you get over it. It's possible, you just have to want it.
- Okay doctor, thank you very much for your help. - I lie. It didn't help me at all.
- I'll make the next appointment here for next week, at the same time. Is that all right? - he asks, taking out a piece of paper to mark the day.
I don't want to come back here and waste my time again, but I can't say it, so I'll answer:
- As you wish.
- Okay, then. - he says, smiling and handing me the paper. - See you next week!
  I've made up my mind, I'm going to miss it and, if she calls me, I'll make up some excuse. I really don't think I'm autistic, not least because my main problem is with touch. I'm sure it's because of that thing when I was young. But I don't want to think about it.
- See you next week. - I bid you farewell.

  When I left the office, I went to the library to ask to join the Reading Club and met Emily, who was there for the same purpose. After signing up, we went outside the school building and sat on a bench near the door.
- I thought you were having class now. - I say, to break the silence that fell after we left the library.
- No, I have an hour in the library at this time and then I have gymnastics, with I don't know how many classes!!! I hate it! - she exclaims, looking indignant.
- Really? Me too! I have two hours of gymnastics next, with Professor Matheus.
- Yes, he's my teacher, I didn't know he was yours too. - she confirms. - I haven't even seen you in two weeks.
- Maybe it's because it's a very crowded class. I've never seen you there either.
- Then we can walk to class, but let's take it easy. - proposes Emily.
- Let's go. - I say, thinking that if she hadn't asked about my visit to the psychologist, it's because she hadn't seen me, so I don't have to explain myself.
- What are you thinking? - ask me.
- Ah... I was... I was working up the courage to ask you if you wanted to come to my house tomorrow. - I'm lying. - To talk and stuff, I don't know if you have classes in the morning. I'm supposed to have two hours of Anatomy, but my teacher's going to be absent and then it's between classes and lunch. - I say, to divert attention. I'd already thought about asking her this, but what I'd planned was not to invite her for a few weeks.
- I can't at this time, sorry. I have performance art. - Answer. Even though it's an unexpected invitation even for me, I'd like her to accept. Of course, I'm not going to ask her to miss class.
- Oh, that's all right.
- You can come to my class if you like! - Invite me.
- Does your teacher let me? - I ask to avoid future problems.
- Yes, because she'll think you're an art student too. - She must have realized that I didn't understand, so she gives a slight sigh and explains. - It's like this: to go to the theater you need either an event card, which only works when there's a play for everyone or another event, like an awards ceremony, or a student card. So, I'll ask a friend for her card and you use it.
I'm surprised that Emily came up with this exceptional plan in a few seconds and that she told me about it with such enthusiasm.
- It's a deal! - I say, smiling. - Tomorrow, after your class, we can go to my house if you want, to talk and stuff. - I insist, a little flustered. I refuse to have talked about this plan in vain.
- That's fine withme. - she replies, trying to hide her enthusiasm. How cute.