Moonsland (EN)

James (XX)

  We reached the top of a mountain, not very high, from where you can see the city, dimly lit, in the distance and the same sky we saw a while ago, but without all the technology.
- We're here. - I say.
- Sounds like a good place. - he says, looking at me as he opens his door.
- Are you going out? - I ask.
- Of course, you didn't bring me here to stay in the car!
- But it's cold, remember?
- Details. - he replies, laughing.
He walks around the front of the car and opens my door, saying:
- Come on, lazy boy, let's enjoy the view.
- Oh, I'm not lazy. - I complain, indignantly.
- Okay, okay. - he says, taking my hand and leading me out of the car, a gesture that surprises me. I feel nervous inside and, at the same time, I feel that this touch has calmed all my thoughts.
  We approached the edge of the mountain and began to appreciate the view before us. A different perspective on how we see the city every day, even though it's so far away from us. It's amazing how such a big city is so small to us right now. I look at a rock, which is just over three meters to our right, and ask:
- Do you want to sit there and talk for a while?
- I want to, but I'm wearing this. - she replies, waving her hands towards the dress.
- I think I can sort it out. - I say, when I remember that I probably have my own clothes in the trunk of the car for possible causalities.
  I open the trunk and there are some clothes in it. The ones I think are most suitable for Emily to wear are black sweatpants and a black hooded sweatshirt, which will keep her warm and comfortable.
- Here. - I say, handing him the clothes.
- Why did you have clothes in the trunk? Are you a spy and you didn't tell me? - We laughed.
Emily goes to the back of the car to get dressed, but calls me right after:
- James, help me unzip, I can't do it.
- What do you mean you can't do it? - I ask, walking to the back of the car to meet her.
- I don't know, it must be stuck. - she says, looking like she's trying hard to see if she can unzip it by herself. I laugh - Oops, that's not funny, you idiot!
- Actually, it is. Let's see. - I say, turning her back to me.
  I undo the zipper after some force and try not to ruin the dress, but I keep holding it with one hand so it doesn't fall off. With the other, I follow her necklace, which I gave her when I went to her house the first time, down to the center of her chest. She shivers as she does this and pulls the dress down to her belly, leaving her naked at the top, while I continue to hold the dress around her waist and put on her sweater.
- I don't think you need to hold it any longer, thank you. - She thanks me, a little embarrassed. I let the dress fall and notice that the sweater comes down to her thighs. It might be one of the sweaters that fits me big, because our height difference isn't that glaring. I take the dress from between Emily's legs and put it on the passenger seat, and when I get back to the trunk Emily is already wearing her pants. Even in clothes above her size, she looks beautiful.
- Where were we? - he asks me.
- Oh, what...? ...We were going? - I ask in confusion.
- Yes, shall we sit down?
- Of course. Let's go.
I sit down facing Emily and, after a few seconds in silence, I say:
- Moonsland... what a town, huh?
- Yes, it really is beautiful! And looking at it from here, we don't seem so insignificant.
- Honestly, I don't know what I wanted to do with you so late. - I confess.
- Or early. - complete.
- It depends on your point of view. - We laugh. - It's after two in the morning... - I say. - ...we have approximately two and a half hours to talk.
- Two and a half? I'm not that good at math, but with the two-hour drive we have four hours left. - correct me.
- That's right! - I say, after mentally confirming the calculations. - Have you seen it? I wanted to take your time with me. - I say, in a teasing tone.
- Well, now that you've brought me here, you won't be getting rid of me any time soon. - she says, coming closer to me. I wonder what she wants to do. Now that we're almost together, she gives my hair a little tousle and smiles, bringing her face close to mine, giving me an Eskimo kiss and, when she pulls away again, she gives a cute little laugh, closing her eyes for a second.
- You're so cute. - I declare.
- Oh, I'm nothing. - he replies, indignantly.
- Yes, you are and... - I pause what I'm saying and bring my face closer to hers, slightly lowering it when our mouths are about to touch, putting my nose against her neck, inhaling to smell her perfume better. - ...that perfume smells really good! - It's an addictive, fresh, sweet floral scent that admirably draws me in.
Emily realizes that I've tried to provoke her, but she continues talking as if nothing happened:
- Does it smell? I actually buy a lot of this perfume, because I wear it almost every day. I must have finished two or three this year alone!
- Wow, I have a good number of them, but I only wear one, almost daily, and another when I go to more special places or events.
- Just one? If I had that many, I'd wear a different one every day! - We laughed.
- That's not so easy for me. I find it hard to change, so I tend to get addicted to little things, like wearing the same clothes over and over again because I love them and just don't feel like wearing anything else.
- Isn't that a phobia of change? - asks me, interested in the topic.
- No, I've done my research and I don't think I have tropophobia, not least because I moved to Moonsland and it wasn't something that made that much difference to me.
- And don't you think it was something from your past that caused you to have these attitudes?
- Like a trauma? - I ask.
- I didn't want to pass myself off as a psychologist, but yes. - says.
- Well, they tend to say that it's all trauma from the past. But I think...
  I'm interrupted by the sound of Emily's cell phone. She takes it out of her bag and looks at the screen, saying:
- It's my mother.
- I'm going to say hello, mother-in-law. - I say, joking with Emily.
- Look... - He pauses. - ...wait. Is that a proposal?
- I don't know, do I? - I say, leaving her more confused than me. She looks at me for a moment and answers.
- Hello, Mom!
I can't hear what Mom is saying, but she answers:
- Yes, I'm here on a mountain, sitting on a rock. We've seen the stars and stuff. Now I'm just talking to James.
While Mom tells her more things that I can't hear, I start fiddling with Emily's pants.
- Yes, Mom. Go on and sleep. See you later. I love you too.
When he hangs up, he looks at my hand fiddling with a crease in my thigh.
- I still can't believe I'm going to take part in the play. - I'll let you know.
- I believe you're capable, otherwise I wouldn't even put you through it, of course.
- I don't know what possessed me to lose a bet, I was sure of my answer.
- It seems that my certainty was more assertive. - he says, looking me in the eye. We stare at each other in silence for at least a minute. Long enough to realize that her eyes are the most beautiful I've ever seen. Her face attracts me like two opposite poles and her lips make me want to... The next thing I know, we're a centimeter closer, a distance that diminishes with every passing second. According to theory and what bad past experiences say, the positioning of the hands is quite important, but unfortunately, sitting the way we are, it's not exactly the easiest thing to do. So, I keep my hand on my thigh, while Emily gently touches the back of my neck and massages my hair. We're so close that I can feel her breathing. I force myself to close my eyes and try not to think about anything else. It's just me, Emily, and that moment when our lips touch. The desire to do this for a long time makes me feel hot and cold at the same time. I feel a sensation in my stomach. I don't know if it's hunger or butterflies because I've fallen in love with this girl. As we walk away, she says to me:
- This certainty felt better than the planetarium. - I give a shy smile, because I don't know how to act in the face of such perfection. I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do after we kiss and, above all, after she tells me what she said. Did she like it? It wasn't the best it could have been, but it wasn't bad either. Or was it? What if she didn't like it and doesn't want anything to do with me? I need to think of something to say, silence is comfortable for me, but I don't know if it is for her too.
- It's fine here. - Loose. Why did you say that?
- Uh-huh. - He nods and stares at me. His eyes shine brighter than the constellations in the sky.
  Are you uncomfortable and don't know what to say to me, or are you too comfortable to enjoy the silence with me? Think, think, think. I'll pray that I'm helping the situation and I'll try again to break the silence.
- Yes, we haven't taken any photos yet. - Every time I talk, I feel like banging my head against the wall. I don't even like taking pictures, but I couldn't think of anything else.
- No! I'll take it off. - he replies enthusiastically. She takes out her cell phone and stretches out her left arm in an attempt to catch us both, but to no avail. The position begins to feel uncomfortable and I only get half of it, so I lie down on top of Emily's crossed legs and she looks at me with some admiration, touching my hair.
- I think that'll do it. - he tells me, positioning the cell phone and lowering his head until we're almost kissing.
- "Okay..." he says, touching his lips to mine. - ...I took it.
- But my hair doesn't look that good. - he reveals when he looks at the photo on his cell phone, then shows it to me.
- You look good! - I smile and tuck Emily's hair behind her ear, with some difficulty because I'm looking the other way.
- I wanted this moment to last forever. - she confesses.
- Forever is a lot, isn't it? - I ask.
- It depends...
- Of what?
- The person next to you in eternity. - answer me.
- You know that there are scientists who try every day to put an end to the inevitability of death. But if, for example, it was just me who became immortal, I wouldn't want to, because I'd see everyone I know dying. - I digress.
- True, but even if all your friends were also immortal, there would come a time when you'd lived through everything and nothing would be interesting anymore. I think it's the fact that one day none of us will exist that makes us want to enjoy life. - complete me.
- We seem to agree that immortality is not something positive, as it might seem at first. - I conclude.
- It would seem so. How did we get to this conversation? - ask me.
- I don't care. - We laughed.
- And by the way, you're sorry about that party. I hadn't answered you yet.
- I figured with the kiss. - I reply.
- Even convinced. - he says, smiling.

  What seems like five minutes later, I look at the clock and it's almost six in the morning, but still no sign of the sun. At this time of year, the sun doesn't rise for another hour and a half or so. It would be nice to see it rise, but we're already feeling sleepy and we wouldn't make it by the time we promised.
- Emily? - I call out. Now it's Emily who's lying on my lap. I find myself looking at her face, as I don't get an answer. Her eyes are closed and she's sleeping like a child, with a small smile. I try to get her up without waking her and carry her to the car, opening the door with my foot. I put the chair down as far as it will go, lay her down and close the door. From the trunk of the car, I take two squares of dark chocolate and drink some coffee that I have stored in a thermos. I know it's going to give me anxiety, so I hope it's at least enough for the journey. I get in the car and say:
- Royce, activate safe driving. - During the journey, he'll ask me questions to find out from my tone of voice if I'm fit to drive.

  As we're about to reach the city, Emily wakes up and asks me, in a sleepy voice, where we are.
- We're on our way into town and now we're going to stop by the school to sign up for theater. - Emily realizes the irony, so she replies, laughing:
- You will! But not now. I want to sleep.
- More? - I joke.
- You stop! - he says, tapping me on the shoulder. - But do you have anything tomorrow at ten past eleven?
- Psychology. - I reply, after a little thought.
- And what's he like when he's late?
I remember falling asleep in his class a week ago.
- It's quiet. - I reply. He won't fail me for being late. I wait.
- Okay, meet me at the theater, I'm having class there at that time, and we'll talk to my teacher.
- I'll be there.

  I've already taken Emily home and I've just arrived at mine. The doorman asked me if everything was all right when I asked him to park the car in the garage and I told him that all I needed was a few hours of sleep.
  The caffeine has almost worn off, but I still put down the board we received at the planetarium, sit down in the desk chair and open the notebook where I write down my changes in routine. I write about the incredible evening I had and how proud I am that I've changed my attitude towards people, although the attitude has changed with Emily and not with others. There's something about her that's different. I don't know what, but I'll look into it.
  I closethe notebook and take off all my clothes, leaving only my boxers. I don't havethe strength to put anything on. Then I lie down on the bed and run the tips ofmy index and middle fingers over my upper lip and slide them down to my lowerlip. I remember the kiss with Emily. I can't believe it happened.