Moonsland (EN)

James (XIII)

  It's almost eight o'clock on a Saturday evening and I'm trying to stay calm, knowing that I haven't even decided what I'm going to wear. This is what normal people do, isn't it? My anxiety is growing with every passing second... I look at the clock and it's 19:58:01, 19:58:02, 19:58:03, 19:58:04, 19:58:05, ok I can't wait any longer. I need to be ready at least half an hour before I leave or I'll go crazy. I get out of bed, where I was lying on my stomach, and run to the shower, to see if I can hurry in time.
  After a shower that lasted just over two songs, I combed my hair and opened the closet to decide what to wear. The first look I found was a tight black T-shirt and gray wool pants. This will be it. I get dressed and put on the first perfume that's laid out in the perfume area. I'm ready! I look at the clock and it's 8:25. Assuming I have to leave in fifteen minutes, I think it's a good time. I lie back on the bed, this time ready to go out, and take advantage of the few minutes I still have to stare at the ceiling and rethink my life choices.
  Shortly afterwards, I came to no conclusion, and I got out of bed again to leave. As I pass through the living room and am about to leave, my parents, who are in the living room, ask:
- Where are you going, James?
- I'm going to the suburbs. - I reply, in an ironic tone.
- Do it? - my father asks.
- Amy, a girl in my class, invited me to her birthday party.
- Amy Brickner? - my father asks.
- It must be. Why would I know her surname? - I answer, defensively.
- All right, have a good party. - says my father. I didn't notice anything, but I feel like I'm late, so I won't prolong the interrogation much longer.
When I'm about to get into the elevator, I still hear from my mother:
- Is that the girl you told me about?
- "Yes," replied my father.
  I really have to go, but when I arrive, I'll still ask what they mean by that.

  When I reach the street that leads to Amy's house, I can see some lights illuminating the sky, which stopped being lit by the sun a few hours ago. I park my car a little away from the house, because the first people to get vomited on are the ones closest to the party. By parking here, I should reduce the likelihood of having to wash my car tomorrow by about sixty percent.
  When I get to the grounds of the house, I'm amazed at what I see. This house is bigger than I expected (not that I expected anything, but if I had expected it, this certainly wasn't it). There are already a few people at the party, some drinking, others on their cell phones and Amy at the entrance, greeting everyone. Then it's my turn:
- You've come! - tell me.
- It looks like it. - I say, pointing to my body with my hands.
- You look good!
- Thank you. You're not far behind either. Congratulations!
- Thank you. I can't believe I'm an adult. I've been wishing for this for so long and now I seem to regret wishing I'd grown up. But anyway, let's celebrate.
  There's a staircase leading up to the bedrooms, a huge kitchen full of drinks and disposable red cups, a living room with people 'flirting' on the sofas and, finally, a large garden with a swimming pool that almost takes up the whole area.
- And this is my house, grab a drink, play a game, have fun, that's what we're here for. - Amy advises me and adds: - And you can use any room that's open, you have the key inside and there are condoms on the bedside tables.
  I don't know if the worst thing is Amy lending her house to kids having sex in their bedrooms, or if it's several kids doing it in the same room without cleaning it first.
- Amy! - I can still hear Amy addressing other girls as I return to the kitchen. In the kitchen I see that most of the drinks are pure alcohol. Tequila, Absinthe, Whisky, Vodka and so on. As I don't want to get drunk, I take a glass, rinse it out in case it's been used (I don't know where the glass has been), pour black vodka into a quarter of the glass and fill it up to five-sixths with cola. To finish, I put in two ice cubes from a huge container full of ice and a small slice of lemon, which a boy was cutting. I take a glass straw wrapped in white paper with gold details and take a sip of my cool drink. It tastes like berries or something, but it's good.
  I go out into the garden, because there's no one I know in the house. I look around to see if I can find anyone I know and, unfortunately, I can't. I feel out of place being here with no one to talk to. I feel out of place standing here in the middle with no one to talk to. Shortly after I've been looking at everything, I hear a male voice behind me:
- James?
I turn and answer:
- Hello!
- I didn't know you were coming. - Tell me.
- Yeah, me neither. Just remind me of your name, please. - I ask.
- Paul, I'll sit in front of you.
- No, yes. I knew that, I just didn't remember your name. - I lie. I'd never seen you before in my life. Do I really ignore people that much?
- And you're here alone? - he asks, gesturing to the hand holding the glass.
- It seems so. - I reply. - I don't know anyone here. Apart from you, of course.
- Monica and Mariana texted me just now to say they were arriving. You can stay with us.
They must be from my class too, but I'm not sure.
  Shortly afterwards, they arrive and the next thing I know we're talking about movies and series, a subject I'm not very up-to-date on.
- I'm going to get another drink. - I say, showing the glass I've just emptied, throwing the drink away without them noticing. - See you soon!
- See you soon! - say the three of them in chorus.
I got away with it.
  When I enter the house again, it doesn't even look like the one I entered at the beginning. It's packed with people. To get to the kitchen, I have to push a few people, because it's impossible not to touch anyone. After a few 'Excuse me' and 'Sorry', I reach the kitchen, which has more drinks than when I arrived. Either someone is a magician and knows how to multiply drinks, or they're bringing them from home. This is going to be worse than I thought.
  As I reach for the vodka, I look away for the tiniest of seconds and seem to see Emily turn into the living room. I put the glass down and follow the figure through an unbearable smell of sweat. When I reach the living room, I look around, but I can't find her. I must have seen wrong.
- James! It really is you! - says Amy, coming from my right side.
- "Amy, is everything all right?" I ask. She's clearly drunk.
- I didn't know you were coming! - he says, putting his hand on my shoulder.
- Yes, I've decided to come. - I say again. Trying to elucidate a drunk is like trying to dry an ocean with a sponge. It's not even worth trying.
- That's good. Come with me and I'll show you something. - He takes me by the hand up to the second floor, with a few setbacks on the stairs. He reaches a door and tries to open it with a key he had in his pocket. After a few failed attempts and a "Do you want some help?", he manages to open the door. It's his bedroom. It's huge and has a double bed against the wall, with a lace mosquito net around it. It's almost as if you were in the royal family's bedroom. The only difference is all this pink that covers the room.
- Nice room. - I declare. - What did you want to show me?
- This. - she tells me and suddenly takes off the white top with straps she's wearing.
- What the fuck are you doing, Amy? - I ask, correcting myself halfway through.
- Eat me. - he says, taking my arms by the wrist.
- You're drunk. You don't even know what you're doing anymore. - I say, already upset and embarrassed.
- Alcohol only gives me courage, it doesn't change the way I feel about you, James. - he declares out loud, as he picks up the top, he's thrown on the floor.
- Keep your voice down! - I say, almost whispering, while covering his mouth with my left hand.
  Just as I finish my sentence, the boy who spoke to me in the garden comes into the room and says, flustered:
- Ah, sorry. I was looking for a bathroom.
- All right, get out! - I say, almost shouting. I think I saw him once with Emily.
When he closes the door, I let one out:
- Fuck! - I scream and throw Amy's top on the table full of makeup.
- James, I'm better than Emily and I can prove it to you. I just need you to leave me. - Tell me.
- Shut up, I can't see you in front of me anymore. - I say, picking up the top I threw again. - Go to sleep, your problem is sleep. - I throw the top in his face and leave the room. I immediately lean against the door and try to pretend that nothing happened in that room. I'm the only one this could happen to.
  I walk calmly down the stairs, leaning oneveryone's shoulder. When I'm almost all the way down, I see Emily, lookingbeautiful, listening to a boy saying something in her ear. It's the boy fromthe bedroom. I can't believe it. The boy moves away from her ear and Emilylooks up at the ceiling, more or less in my direction, and slowly lowers hergaze until her eyes meet mine. I stop and try to decipher what her gaze istrying to tell me. For the first time, it remains indecipherable. After awhile, she takes her gaze away from mine and looks up at me. I look back andAmy is coming down the stairs, putting her clothes back together. I look atEmily again and she's no longer where she was. There's no point looking for hertoday. I'll wait for the dust to settle and tell her what happened. I hope shelistens.