Moonsland (EN)

THE END (XXXIII)

  I've just got home with a USB stick that was in the bank. I don't know why my mother wanted me to pick it up, much less why she didn't want my father to know. But I'll find out soon enough. I lock my bedroom door, take out my computer and plug in the flash drive. There's only a single multimedia file on it. I click open and sit down on the bed, cross-legged, with the computer on my lap.
  'Hello James. The video of my mother in what looks like a hotel room begins. 'If you're watching this video, it's because something has happened to me or something has been left unsaid. The truth is, I do it because I'm a coward. I never know the right moment to say everything I have to say. Since I know you don't understand anything, I'll explain. Today is... November fifteenth, two thousand and twenty-two and I'm in a hotel in Nolinham. Betty told me that it wasn't a school camp, but a theater group camp. If she's still alive and you talk to her, don't worry, she and I have always been friends, so she'll tell me everything. I'm glad you joined a club. It will help you socialize more and have a purpose other than just studying. However, I'm sad that you didn't trust me to tell me. I hope you'll at least invite me to see the play. I'm sad, but I understand. Our distance has been killing me, but I'll talk about that in a minute. To explain what I'm doing in Nolinham, I need to start with when we lived here. When your brother died, your father became ill. I'm sorry to hear this, but Tyler was Ward's favorite son. He was older, less work and a genius. Ward spoke of his son as a better version of himself, so when he died, Ward got sick and blamed you for his death. He blamed you even though you weren't to blame, because he felt he needed to blame someone. He said that if you had tried to save him, maybe he wouldn't have died, but after his autopsy, we saw that this wasn't true. I never told you about this, because your father never left me and I'm really sorry about that. You started trying to prove that you could be smart too, overloading yourself with work, studies and activities to be better and better, and Ward thought it was your duty, since your brother had died "because of you". The autopsy came back weeks later, and said that Tyler had died of sudden cardiac arrest and that's why he drowned. There was nothing you could have done to save him.' At this point I start to cry. For knowing the truth and for knowing that I slept badly for years because I thought I was to blame, when I never was. 'I wanted to tell you, but your father threatened, for the first time, that he would kill me if I did. By then I was saying that I wouldn't tell you, because guilt was just a means to make you stronger. We moved to Moonsland, to a townhouse, because we couldn't live in that town with the memories of your brother. You suffered that abuse from your nanny and I employed Betty, who was and is my friend. She treated you, most of the time, better than I ever could and I'm eternally grateful for that. As the years went by, your father began to realize that you needed more time to learn things than your brother did and that made him dislike you, even though he knew you worked hard to look good in his eyes. That wasn't enough for him and your brother's death never left his mind, so last year he wanted to set up a company to find out the unknown reason for your brother's cardiac arrest. He also, even though he never admitted it, never liked the fact that he was paid less than me. I'm a judge and he's never been one of the best lawyers. This year he opened a large research company in Nolinham, but it was making a loss and he was going to have to close it down, so I was forced to quit my job, which I was passionate about, to save his company. Ironic, I know. I created solidarity events and we began to be very well regarded among the upper classes, receiving large sums of money to continue our investigations. He still thinks he's the one who saved the company, but I've closed a lot of contracts and partnerships on the sly, because I know he won't like it at all when he finds out he can't do everything himself. This is why we arrived later. We have a small office in Moonsland where we do the paperwork, but every now and then we have to go to Nolinham and back, so there are days when you don't even see us. I don't think you've figured this out yet (if you have, you haven't told me), and it's normal, because I ask Betty to cover for me and take care of you. And that's the reason I'm making this video. If you're watching it, it's because I wasn't able to stand up to your father and tell you. I haven't been as present in your life as I used to be, because your father thinks it makes you more independent and stronger. I'm sorry to be badmouthing him, but I refuse to let you hate me when this isn't my fault. In conclusion, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you have a life you don't like. I'm sorry I wasn't enough. I'm sorry I'm not the mother you need. I'm sorry you think you're not enough. I'm sorry we put Amy behind you to separate you from Emily. I'm sorry I never told you that I'm proud of the man you've become. I'm sorry. I love you and I hope this video doesn't reach you too late, to the point where your hatred is irreversible.'
- I love you, Mom. - That's all I can say, putting my hand on the screen. The video is over.
  I take out my cell phone and text Emily.
James: Will you meet me in the park? (17:02)
Emily: Now? (17:03)
James: Preferably (17:03)
Emily: I'm coming. 15 minutes I'll be there. (17:03)
James: Thank you. (17:04)

  I reach the park and follow a dirt track. I pass a lady who is selling paintings she has made. One of them is of a landscape. I'd buy it without thinking twice, if I didn't have it here for other reasons. Further on, I spot her near a small playground. She sees me and walks over to me, meeting me halfway. She hugs me around the neck as soon as she can and I don't let her go, wrapping my arms around her waist. Half of the weight I felt fades away at that moment.
  He stops hugging me, covers my cheeks with his hands and brushes our noses together.
- Is everything all right?" he asks me.
- "No," I answer, keeping myself from crying. - Let's sit down.
  I take her hand and lead her to a corner of the park where there aren't many people, even though it's not far from one of the exits. We sit down, her cross-legged, facing me, and me with one knee on the bench and my leg crossed under the other.
- What's wrong, James? - he asks me, putting his hand on my leg.
- I heard today that my mother died. - I say, feeling the impact of my words as soon as I say them. I look up at the sky, hoping that gravity will help me not to cry.
- James, I'm sorry. Do you want me to try and talk to my parents about moving in with us? That way you won't be alone. - he asks, trying to help me.
- I appreciate that, but there's no need.
- Let me help you. - she begs, making me look at her.
- When I left the hospital - I say, ignoring what she's told me. - my mother said she had something for me in case anything happened to you.
- What?
- A flash drive containing a video in which he told me everything.
- What do you mean everything?
- Apparently, I wasn't to blame for my brother's death.
- I told you it wasn't your fault, James.
- But she told me that my father knew he had a sudden cardiac arrest before he drowned, and she never told me, because my attempt to apologize, which was to try to be as intelligent and multifaceted as possible, "made me the best version of myself". - I say, making quotation marks with my fingers.
- My God, that's awful. - he says, covering his mouth with his hand. - I know he's your father, and I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but what kind of monster lets his son live with the guilt of having killed his brother?
- Apparently my father. - I reply. - But it's not over yet. He set up a company in Nolinham and, before I came, I asked Betty the name and she told me.
- What is it? - she asks, interested.
- Wilson's Industries. - I say, laughing.
- The multi-million-dollar company?
- The multi-million-dollar company. And do you know why I laugh? Because at the beginning of last year I went to an event run by this company to raise money for research. When we got there, my father jokingly said that the company belonged to someone in our family, because it had our surname. I feel so dumb.
- If they wanted to hide it from you, you had no way of knowing, James. - Tell me.
- And that's it. This is my life.
- You know I'm here for you, don't you?
- I know, thanks for listening.
- You're welcome. - Give me a kiss on the cheek.
- What if we stopped with the sad news and did something interesting for the first time in months? - I say, standing up.
- What do you mean? - he asks, getting up and hugging me.
- A few months ago, someone told me that they really wanted to dance on the bandstand. - I say, smiling. - I don't think there's a better time than now.
She looks at the bandstand and sees that it's empty. She runs like a child after a sweet.
- Look how beautiful it is! - he says, doing slow pirouettes with his hands up, looking at the ceiling. - And you can play music! - she says, when she sees that there's a device with an app with all the songs. She puts on some classical music and I approach her.
- Will you dance with me? - I ask, holding out my hand.
- Of course. - he says, placing his hand in mine and bowing. We laugh. We move closer to the center and she puts her arms around my shoulders, leaning her face against my chest. Right now, I can't think of anything other than all the good times I've had with Emily since I met her. The trip to the beach, the first outings, the planetarium, the mountain, the camping trip, the drama classes, the presentation, the New Year's Eve fires in the hospital bed and now. Through the many clouds, the sun sets perpendicular to both of us, the little wind that exists whistles through the trees and the sound of the rain starting to fall matches perfectly with the music Emily has put on.
- Are you dating me? - I ask suddenly.
- What? - he says, looking at me.
- It's just that... - I start to explain.
- Of course, I've been waiting for this request for months. - she confesses. I smile and kiss her. A kiss as good as the one at the theater. The only difference is that instead of having a thousand people watching, we have all the privacy in the world, alone in this beautiful park, surrounded by a storm. We stop kissing and stare at each other. His eyes shine, as mine must now. I'm in love. I feel like she's not real. No matter what happens, just five minutes with her makes everything better. I feel an enormous lightness inside me, compared to the moment I arrived here. She rests her head on my chest again and I can't resist. There, in her ear, I declare my love for her with the best phrase that describes it:
- With you by myside, I would accept immortality.