BiteBound *completed*

Chapter 56

I felt so embarrassed when I woke up the next morning next to Arthur.

I didn't remember how I got back to our room for one, and two, he spent an entire night alone as I was in a deep slumber.

I've must've been that tired I suppose.

I tried to sleep more though the day until we would be able to wake up together, but the ruminating thoughts from last night just did not want to go away.

Even I laid in our pitch black room; cuddling with Arthur, contemplating and ruling out the pro and cons for my future, my final decision still did not let me rest. Everything in this room felt off knowing that I could lose him any second. Like a massive weight only sinking in deeper into my racing chest— Cutting off my air supply and itching for me to get out of here.

Imagine that. I could lose him by my choices, or lose him in death.

I know what I want to do.

But she needs to know, immediately.

Pushing through the dark mass of anxiety, I got dressed into something easy. I slipped on my usual Birkenstocks, tied my hair up and away from my neck and left the room to search for Ryan and Julie.

***

"And you sure Arthur said it was okay?" Julie asked as we past the welcome sign to San yisdro, Montecito. "I could have sworn he wanted to go with you to the cemetery."

I hated lying, but I know that if I told her the truth, we would just turn around back to the underground room.

I don't want to back there, not when I'm in this anxious state of mind.

Above all, I need to do this alone.

I want to be alone for a bit longer, just until I'm able to calm down.

I sigh, "Julie, I'm really sorry for lying to you, but Arthur didn't say that at all. The truth is, I been really needing my own space since last night and... I've been desperately wanting to see my mom. Staying in that room was making me feel a way that I didn't want to sink further into. I know Arthur be mad—."

"Furious most likely." She scolds me. "Probably cost us our jobs too."

Fuck!

"I'm really sorry!" I grip onto my ivory spring dress. "I'll try and finish up as fast as I can so we can leave quickly! I'll even try my hardest to get him to go easy on the both of you too. I- I just hope you can understand that I'm not doing this for fun. This is really urgent and, I don't know. It feels like this suffocating anxiety is eating me alive the longer I wait."

Julie sighs. "Well, I sure hope its urgent. I just wish you would've chose to do this in broad daylight so we could be sneaky about it, not minutes when he's about to wakes up."

More sincere apologies was all I could give. It wasn't even minutes after when Arthur called Julie demanding for answers.

"So all it took was a little persuasion for you to not follow my directions? Are you really that incompetent?"

Incompe— Hey! I gasp.

"Arthur!" I shout at the speaker by my door. "Don't you talk to Julie that way! She already told you that I lied—."

"And that doesn't get her off the hook!" He argues back. "Honestly Rose, what are you thinking?! Did you forget about dahlia?!"

"No, but I wanted to do this on my own!"

"You can't do things on your own without help!"

"I got julie—!"

"She also needs back up too Rose! It's not just about you! She could get severely hurt without Ryan by her side, did you not even consider that?!"

"I just needed some space Arthur!"

The sudden silence gave away his shock.

"Space?" His anger drops. "You... You needed space from me?"

"Yes— no! It's not like that." I massaged my temple in frustration. "I just have a lot on my mind and it couldn't wait any longer. If I laid on our bed any longer, my heart was going to explode. I needed air. I needed to get out and see my mom. I wanted to see her as soon as possible before..."

Before I die.

More silence.

"Love, I— I'm sorry." I bit my trembling lip. "I'm sorry for lying and leaving out of the blue. I only realized it was a mistake to come to the cemetery when Julie told me it could effect her job. I wanted to wait, believe me I did. But my mind just wouldn't stop the urge to run. Please don't be angry with her, be angry with me. I'm the one who lied."

A long frustrated sigh buzzed through the speakers.

"I just wish you would've told me something about wanting to leave. I know I can be difficult to wake, but If you could've had a moment to at the very least try, I wouldn't have been angry as I was moments ago. I could've at least tried to calm you if you needed that."

Calming me wouldn't have helped. Not when it involves you too love...

"Last night you were mumbling so much. You don't do that unless you're anxious about something. If this is it, and this is something you absolutely want to do on your own, then, I can only do so much but support you from afar. We can talk and compromise about things love, you know that."

Even the serious things?

"But please, if I can only ask you for a simple favor. If you ever need space, just tell me. I don't like waking up to an empty bed knowing you left me behind."

You left him behind...

You don't like being left behind...

You're lucky he isn't anymore angry than he needs to be.

"I'll never do this again," I said. "I promise."

"Thank you."

My ears caught the sound of a car revving up, only indicating he was on the way.

"I uh... it seems like we've made it." I noticed us parking into the lot. "I'll um, see you when you get here."

"Please be careful." He urges. "If anything feels or looks off, run. Go to the car and drive back to the hotel. Or at the very least, listen to Julie."

"I will. You be careful too."

"I will." He promises. "I love you."

"..."

How much do you truly love me?

"I love you." A tears falls onto my trembling fist. "I love you so much." I repeated quietly.

"...See you then."