band-aids don't fix bullet holes

{1} is it love?

Taylor's POV

"You really gonna eat
a second portion?" Joe's words echo through the big kitchen as I open the pot in order to pack some more noddles onto my plate. I shiver. Yeah I was going to eat some more, since it's the first meal of the day and the hole in my stomach has been bugging me since this morning. „You know what...actually I'm full." I give in and grab my plate to place it into the dishwasher. "Good, you gotta take care of that body." he points out and I let out a sigh.

Joe and I have been in a relationship a few years now, about four to be exact and I'm not lying when I tell you it started out like a fairytale. I was hopelessly in love and in the beginning he treated me like the sun itself. Well, the page turned, he changed and now I'm stuck with him because I'm just so terrified of being alone. I can't imagine my life without him and I keep telling myself that there's no one better than him and that I deserve to be treated the way he does. He just wants what's best for me right?
I'm being quite private about my personal life. Sure, people know me and Joe are in a relationship but I guess that's it. The actor likes to make sure we're hardly seen together since he 'doesn't want to cause any unnecessary headlines'. I agree with him about not feeding the public with stuff that's none of their business but I think he's taken it to an unhealthy level. Often I feel like he's trying to hide me from the world but I don't know; He's not that much of a talker.

"I'm heading upstairs." I let him know and make my up into my little music studio, I had insisted on getting before I moved in here with Joe, a house in the city of London.
I sit down in front of the piano and read through the music I have been working on. I plan on releasing a new album soon. I still need to write a few songs though, so that's what I'm trying to do. Music is my life. It's a way to express feelings without really having to open up to anyone on a face to face basis, if you know what I mean.

I'm just playing a few notes, trying to get some matching lyrics for a song called "Maroon", when I hear Joe burst through the door.
"Can you keep it down for god's sake?!" he yells and my eyes widen at his words. It's not the first time, he has complained about my composing being too loud or too annoying but it still shocks me every time.
"I'm just trying to work, babe." I reply calmly, hoping he would understand. "Yeah and I'm trying to learn my script. It's important!"

The words are lying on the tip of my tongue but I manage to bite it not wanting to cause a bigger fight. "Fine, I'll just write some lyrics then." I say instead before he exits the room and makes his way back downstairs into the living room. When I'm sure his footsteps are far away enough I let out a loud groan and burry my face in the palms of my hands. The moment is interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

"Hey Blake what's up?" I ask after picking up and rising from my chair. I have this habit of needing to walk around whenever I'm talking to someone on the phone.
"Just wanted to check in." Blake, one of my closest friends, replies on the other side of the line. "How's it going, Tay?" - "It's great, really. Everything's fine." I tell her, not wanting to bother her with my relationship status. She is happily married with Ryan and I can't help but feel a little bit jealous of the relationship the two have, not to forget their three kids. „You tell me when you got problems, right?" she asks and I'm pretty sure I can hear her raising an eyebrow down in Los Angeles. "Of course." I assure her. We have some small talk before Blake is interrupted by her oldest daughter, James, and needs to hang up.

I miss her. I don't see her that often anymore since living in the UK, but I know she will always be there when I need her.
I get back to my music and I mean it when I say time flies while writing new music and suddenly it's 11pm and I haven't noticed how dark is had gotten outside. I jawn and stretch before I decide it's time for bed. After I got ready for bed, I crawl under the covers. I don't remember the last time me and my boyfriend actually went to bed together. One is always  first. Even though I'm desperate for some closure I managed to acclimatize to the situation a long time ago. This is just my life and I don't really remember it any other way. I got a list of exes but nobody ever seemed to stick so I'm just glad I have Joe, even if we don't really share the same interests.