"What happens when the person you thought you could trust turns into a full blown nightmare... Will you ever be able to heal from the damage? Will life ever be the same again? Well, does love even exist?"
Taylor and Joe have been in a relationship f...
"I'm an absolute wreck! I can't do it! I can't!" I pace the dressing room roughly an hour before I'm supposed to go on stage.
"Here, eat this!" Tree hands me a granola bar.
"I'm not gonna eat that now, are you insane? I will throw it right up. I'm way too nervous!" I snap, before pushing the publicist's hand slightly away. Some would think that's the eating disorder talking but honestly I don't think I could eat anything now, even if I didn't struggle with food.
"You need it, Tay."
"I don't. I ate at the hotel." I lie.
It's the first concert of the Eras Tour and we're currently in Glendale, Arizona, me mentally preparing myself and Hailey staying at the hotel with Eliza because I'm not risking her being seen.
Suddenly there's a knock on the door, my mom poking her head through.
"I just wanted to check on you...are you ready?" She smiles proudly.
"If I'm ready? Who the hell thought this tour was a good idea? A three and a half hour show...there's so many things that could go wrong!"
The blonde woman comes in and closes the door behind her, before enveloping me in a tight embrace.
"Tay, honey, it's gonna be okay. You have been on tour before and it has always been a huge success. Even if something goes wrong, just crack a joke and you'll be fine. These people in the audience they love you, otherwise they wouldn't have bought tickets." Her soothing voice echoes through the small room, while I'm tightening my grip around her.
"I know...it's just the anxiety, I guess. Thank you tho." I mumble back, then finally letting go. "I needed that."
"Your dad and I will be in the VIP tent, watching you, okay? See you out there." My mom winks and disappears as fast as she appeared.
"Can I have a moment alone?" I turn to Tree, who made herself comfortable on the little couch.
"Sure." The redhead replies, her eyes remaining fixed on the phone she's holding in her hands while slowly dragging herself up and out the room.
Finally alone, I pull out my own phone and start recording myself, since I'm planning to release a movie after the tour, about all the things that happen backstage and in advance.
"Hi, this is me right before the first show of the Eras Tour. As you can see I'm pretty nervous but I'm also hella excited for this chapter of my life. I worked hard to make this happen and here we are. Let's see how this goes, shall we?"
I end the recording and put away the device, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, eyeing my reflection with a disgusted look on my face, the scars luckily covered up with some thick layers of make-up. This bodysuit really reveals every piece of fat I have on my body. Sticking to my diet, - as I like to call it - I managed to lose quite some weight over the past months, but I'd be lying if I said I was satisfied.
"10 minutes, Taylor." Tree give me heads up through the closed door.
-
A creeping chill runs up my spine and I shiver, despite the warmth that surrounds me, before my stomach starts to churn, a chaotic mix of butterflies and leaden weight that makes me feel simultaneously lightheaded and heavy. I glance at my trembling hands, trying to stop them but they seem to have a will of their own.
"Show time." Tree informs with her thumbs up and a huge grin on her face, as the platform I'm standing on starts to rise until I reach the stage. Taking a deep breath I lift the microphone to my lips, before the fan veils go up, exposing me to at least 60.000 people.
—
The first few songs go according to plan, as I'm now grabbing my guitar and place the mic in its stand.
"Just know how much it means to me personally to be able to say to you: Welcome to the Eras Tour! I don't know if you know this, but this is actually the first night of the Eras Tour and I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that if you're here tonight there's a pretty good chance that you went to a considerable amount of effort to be with us tonight."
A wave of applause echoes through the sold out stadium.
"Let me just say on behalf of me and every single performer that you see on this stage, all the band, all the crew, every single person who have been putting together this tour for a long time: Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for wanting to be with us on night one."
"So tonight we're gonna be going on an adventure, one era at a time, exploring the last 17 years of music that I've been making. We have songs about all kinds of things. We have songs about break-ups." I swallow hard at that last word.
"And like teenage love triangles and liars and dirty, dirty cheats of the world. This song that we're about to play for you now and we love for you to join us and sing along with is, this is just a good old fashioned love song, you know? By the way I'll be your host this evening, my name is Taylor!"
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The sound of the crowd is deafening, a thunderous roar that fills the entire arena. Thousands of hands clapping in unison.
"We could leave the Christmas lights up til January...." I begin to sing, the song I dreaded most.
-
"Thank you SO SO much!" I shout into the microphone as soon as 'Karma' is finished. After some bowing down, some goofy waving and some blowing kisses from me and my dancers, the show is finally over, myself buzzing with adrenaline, even if I'm pretty sure I've never felt more exhausted, not having eaten a proper meal the whole day not necessarily helping with that.
"And?! How did it feel? As amazing as it looked?" Tree jumps in excitement and hands me a bottle of water as soon as I'm back below the stage.
"It was a surreal feeling. I've been on tour multiple times but this...this was something different. The crowd was outstanding. I don't think I've ever heard applause that loud and wow...I think this reminded me that the stage is where I truly belong. It's home, somehow...." I babble uncontrollably. "I can't wait for more."
"Well lucky you...you have more than a hundred shows ahead of you..." The redhead chuckles. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, but wanna know a secret? I knew from the beginning that this was the way you'd feel after the show, never had a doubt." She earns a slight smack on the arm for that sentence afterwards and before we make our way back to the dressing room, where I finally get a chance to sit down. However, I'm up on my feet again just a few seconds later.
"Taylor, sit for a moment, please." My publicist instructs, attempting to push me back onto my ass.
"No, I need to get back to the hotel, I need to get back to Hailey." I protest and try to peel myself out of the blue bodysuit, which apparently is not possible without any help.
"Just a few minutes, you really need some rest. So sit and finish the water."
"I appreciate your concern but I'm fi-" A wave of dizziness crashes over me, forcing me to stumble back a few feet, before my eyes roll back, consciousness leaving my body and I collapse to the floor.
"TAYLOR!"
A/N: I told you, it never gets boring with me 😌
P.S. I don't know when I'll be able to update again, since I'm invited to a wedding this weekend :)
