band-aids don't fix bullet holes

{61} can I ask you a question?

TW: slight mentions of ED and SH (I do not think the trigger warning is really necessary for this chapter but just a heads up in case)

Taylor's POV:

Only minutes later we finally let go of each other, my eyes immediately catching his, trying to read his mind.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "I'm sorry if I overstepped..."

I shake my head almost instantly because the feelings that are currently rushing through my body are indescribable, but the best I've felt in a while, despite the previous fears and doubts. Plus, it was me who leaned in first.
Right in this moment I realize that physical touch doesn't need to hurt, it's not supposed to hurt and kissing is not a habit, it's a way to express your emotions, it's meant to make your heart feel like it's about to burst out of your chest.

"Goodnight, Travis." I mumble, a pleasant smile playing on my lips. With these words I turn around and disappear into the safety of my own bedroom, the taste of his lips still lingering on mine, a slight but comfortable tingling.
I change into my Pyjamas, accidentally catching a glimpse of my body in the mirror standing next to the closet. I step closer, inspecting every limb, suddenly wrapping my arms insecurely around my body. I don't think I will ever like the woman staring back at me and the way my body is formed. It just doesn't look how it's supposed to, no matter how much weight I lose. Not to forget the ugly scars, the are usually covered by long sleeves and pants or make-up, clearly visible on my arms and thighs now that I'm just wearing shorts and a top. Who could ever love me like that?

No one.

Wiping a tear off my cheek I climb into bed, after quickly brushing my teeth. Somehow the magic of the moment with Travis has vanished and I'm back inside the dark hole that is my mind, regrets making their way into my head.
I shouldn't have kissed him. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment, I'm not ready to show my true colors. I can't afford to let the walls, I've spent so long building, break. It's not right.

I toss and turn, desperate to find any sleep and it's almost four in the morning when I finally close my eyes, shifting into an uneasy sleep.

-

"What the hell?" I mumble to myself the next morning as soon as my eyes flutter open and I shoot a look towards the alarm clock on my nightstand. 9:02am. Hailey is usually up around six, so why didn't I wake up when she called? She can't possibly still be sleeping...
Confused I crawl out of bed, change into some sweatpants and a pullover and dash towards my daughter's nursery just to find her crib empty. Panic begins to rise within me, my heart dropping as I nervously look around. She is not in here.
Imagining the worst case scenarios I speed down the stairs, my phone ready in my hands to call the police, if necessary. However, the scene that meets my eyes as soon as I enter the living room, makes my body relax in an instant. There's Travis sitting on the sofa, Hailey next to him, a huge smile plastered on her tiny face while the man is reading a book to her. A wave of relief washes over me and my body returns to its natural state before a genuine smile tugs on my lips.

"What are you guys doing?" I ask curiously, approaching the two.

"Oh hey, good morning, you're awake." Travis looks up at me, carefully closing the children's book. "I'm sorry if I gave you a scare, but I heard her fuss at around six, so I figured I'd get her and let you sleep a little longer. I hope that's okay. We had a great morning, but I guess she's starting to get hungry and I don't know what she usually eats in the morning so I decided to wait until you're here."

I pick up the girl and balance her on one of my hips.

"Mommy! Wakey!" She happily throws her arms into the air.