band-aids don't fix bullet holes

{90} drowning

TW: mentions of ED and self-harm

Travis' POV:

The next morning I stand in the bedroom, the sound of the suitcase zipper the only thing breaking the silence. The place still smells like her—like vanilla and some floral perfume she sprays on before heading out, like baby powder from Hailey's room. Every inch of this space is full of little memories, and it feels wrong, packing up the few things I have here into this suitcase, leaving like this. But I don't have a choice. She made that clear yesterday.

I fold my shirts, one by one, not really seeing them. I can't stop thinking about the way Taylor looked at me when she asked me to go. There was something final in her eyes, something that said, This isn't just a break. I wanted to fight her on it, to tell her that I'd stay and prove myself, but I saw how tired she was, how she was holding everything together by a thread. So, I agreed. For now.

I toss the last of my clothes in and zip the suitcase shut, but I don't move. My eyes drift around the room, landing on everything and nothing. I've only been sleeping here for three days, that's how long Taylor has been out of the hospital but it still feels like I'm leaving home.
It feels like my chest is being crushed, like the weight of all the things I've messed up is finally settling in.

With my suitcase in my hands I walk down the stairs, where I find Taylor and Hailey sitting at the dining table, coloring.

I clear my throat before opening my mouth, dreading the next words.

"I'm gonna go now." I say, my voice on the edge of breaking.

Taylor stands up, brushing off her jeans, and for a second, we just stare at each other. There's so much I want to say, but none of the words feel right. Everything feels wrong.

"Okay." The singer replies neutrally.

I look over at Hailey, who's still drawing, oblivious to the tension. She looks up, her eyes lighting up when she sees me.

"Travy!" She squeals, reaching her arms out.

I scoop her up, hugging her close.

"Hii Hails."

She wraps her tiny arms around my neck, and I hold her tight, trying to memorize everything about this moment—how small she feels, how she smells like baby lotion and crayons. It's insane how much I've connected with her over the past months.

"You going away?" She asks, her voice laced with sadness, muffled against my shoulder.

I swallow hard.

"Yeah, I gotta go away for a little bit." The words feel like ash in my mouth. "But I'll be back soon, okay?"

She pulls back, her face scrunching up.

"Promise?"

I force a smile, even though it feels like my heart's splitting open.

"Promise."

Taylor watches us, her expression unreadable. I know she's waiting for me to put Hailey down, to say goodbye and walk out the door, but it feels impossible. I press a kiss to Hailey's forehead, holding on for just a few seconds longer before I finally set her down.

Taylor steps forward, putting a hand on Hailey's shoulder, and the way she pulls her close feels like a line being drawn.

"Say bye to Travis, Hailey." She mumbles.

Hailey waves, and I try to hold onto the smile, even though my chest feels tight.

"Bye, Travy."

"Bye, Hailey." I force my eyes back to Taylor, trying to find something—anything—in her expression that gives me hope. "Taylor..."