band-aids don't fix bullet holes

{36} spotlight: on

Taylor's POV:

Weeks pass and being a mother becomes easier with every rising day. Hailey has finally adjusted to the new home and the trick, my mom told me about that one night, always does the magic, whenever nothing else seems to calm her down.
I am, however, still in the process of adjusting, especially when it comes to returning to the spotlight of the music industry. I've been working on a lot of stuff over the past two months, trying to make up for the year I've lost.
I wasn't sure if I still had any fans but it turns out I do and they've been supporting me ever since that first post, encouraging me to take my time, expressing their happiness about me being back in business and showing endless amounts of love.
Of course there's the dark side as well and the people saying I should've just quit my career, that my music sucks and that I don't deserve what I've achieved. Despite the negativity I try to focus on the bright side of things even if that's, mentally and after everything that's happened personally, one of the hardest parts.

"Are you ready for the
Tribeca Film Festival?" Tree asks while sipping on the cup of coffee in her hands. "It's your first public appearance since the Grammy's last year..."

"I know..." I sigh back. "It's weird and I'm kinda....really nervous. Do you think they'll like it?"
My grip on the baby in my arms tightens.

Tree and I are still sitting in the dining room at my house, waiting for my mom to arrive because she is supposed to watch Hailey while I'm gone. It's only for the day though, because luckily the event is in New York and I'll be back before the night creeps in.

"They'll love it. You've put so much effort into the short movie and the fans have always wanted the 10 minute version, right? And you're gonna crush the performance, that's for sure." The redhead encourages me just as the doorbell rings and I get up to let my mother in.

"Where's my favorite granddaughter? Oh come here, munchkin. Grandma
missed you." The blonde basically rips her from my arms and starts to cover her face in gentle kisses.

"Hi Taylor, it's so nice to see you too!" I blurt out sarcastically, roll my eyes and bite back a laugh.

"Oh, I'm sorry Tay, don't be upset." My Mom pouts dramatically. "You're just not that cute anymore." The woman shrugs her shoulders and pecks my cheek.

We head inside and I attempt to rattle down everything my mom needs to know about Hailey's routines, but I'm quick to be interrupted.

"Honey, please, I know. In case you forgot, I am a mother too." She shakes her head with a soft smile on her lips.

"Ugh, yeah, it's just...it's the first time she'll be without me for a whole day since the hospital."
I admit anxiously.

"We will be just fine, won't we?" The blonde turns to the the baby in her arms. "You go do what you do best."

"Okay, okay..." I take a deep breath. "Be nice to grandma okay? I love you." My lips touch Hailey's forehead, before Tree starts pulling on my arm.

"We really gotta get going."

I grab my stuff and wave goodbye to my mom and my daughter. My publicst and I hop into the car that's been waiting for us in front of the property, Jim slowly driving off.
Only 45 minutes later we arrive at the destination, where I'm hit by millions of flashing lights as soon as I climb out of the backseat, luckily security are quick to react and keep the annoying paps at bay, avoiding any inappropriate incidents.
Finally inside I'm led to the dressing room, a make-up artist already waiting for me in there.

"Hi, I'm Ashley." the young woman introduces herself and offers me her hand, which I kindly shake.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Taylor."

While she is working on my face, we have some small talk but nothing too interesting, however better than any awkward silence.

"Okay, you're all done. Now your outfit...we picked a few things out for you." Ashley points to a collection of clothes. "You can choose whatever you want from these and if you don't like anything then I'm sure we can arrange something else."

I nod and walk over, looking through the different kinds of clothes and swiftly realizing that literally every single one of the picked out outfits is short sleeved.

"Uhm...." I mumble, my hand immediately reaching for my necklace in order to play with it. "Do you have anything with long sleeves?"

"Why? It's literally about 77 degrees. Won't you be hot?" She frowns confused.

"Well I'm not hot right now and I'm wearing long sleeves, so don't worry. I'd really appreciate it, if
you could get me something."

"Okay, as you wish. I'll be right back."

She slips out of the room and returns five minutes later with a bunch of long-sleeved outfits.
After some time I decide on a thin, black sweater and some tight, black jeans, rounded off with a pair of black ankle boots.

"You look stunning." the make-up artist points out after I stepped out from behind the curtains. I tuck a lose strand of hair behind my ear and offer her a small smile.
"I'll give you some privacy now."

As soon as I'm alone, I grab my phone and FaceTime my mom, because Hailey is literally the only thing on my mind right now, missing her more than I imagined.

"Hey Mom, I just wanted to see Hailey." I greet the older woman as soon as she appears on the screen.

"You're lucky. I was just about to put her down for a nap." She responds and turns the phone until the baby, still laying on the couch, is visible to me.

"Hiii princess, you ready for your nap? I miss you so much and I'll be back soon, okay? Be your best self until then." The six-month old immediately smiles at the sound of my voice, attempting to reach for the phone my mom is holding.

"You're up in five, Tay." Tree's voice echoes through the closed door.

"Okay I gotta go, love you." I blow her a kiss.
"You too, Mom. Thanks for watching her."

-

As I stand at the bottom of the stairs leading right up to the stage, waiting for my name to be called, the anxiety I've been trying to push away throughout the whole day, is painfully present. I tuck at the hem of my shirt, my hands trembling at the action. The faint  murmur of the audience sounds like a roaring ocean in my ears, each wave of noise crashing into my already frayed nerves.

"You can do this." I mumble to myself.

However my throat feels tight and I swallow hard, trying to ease the dryness that's making it difficult to breathe. I close my eyes, trying to focus,  but the images of my potential failure flash vividly in my mind.

"Now we have a little
surprise for you guys..." I hear the host's voice, loud and clearly. "Please welcome...Taylor Swift!"

Okay that's my cue.
With shaky legs I climb up the few stairs, a cold sweat emerging from the back of my neck and for a split second I consider running. Quickly I shake the thought off, unfortunately already having reach the top of the staircase. I inhale deeply and gather all the confidence left in me, before finally waking out.

A/N: Just wanted to let you know, before someone gets at me, that obviously the time line here is not accurate, because even if the discussed festival was in June 2022, the release of ATWTMVTV was in 2021 already. I decided to combine it here though. :)))

Will the audience welcome her with open arms or will it go as badly as Tay fears? 🤔

Thanks for 5K reads btw!!!