band-aids don't fix bullet holes

{11} no choice

TW: Sexual abuse

Taylor's POV:

Weeks have passed and I've only been out of the house once for a quick run, that has luckily gone unnoticed by the media and by Joe. I have also been able to avoid any of my boyfriend's attempts of getting into my pants. He has tried it quite often the last few days to be honest and I feel like he gets angrier every time I reject him, but I can't help but feel anxious whenever I'm close to him. The actor has not hit me since the day I took off to LA for the Grammys but he has been on the edge a few times, I believe.

May is coming around and I'd love nothing more than to just stroll through the city and enjoy the warm sun, maybe even meet up with some friends. I'm dying to show my new music to the world and interact with some fans, play concerts and attend events, but here I am, sitting in my living room, a boring book in my hand and Oliva and Meredith cuddled up next to me. Benjamin is out of sight.

"I'm leaving, Miss Swift. Did you need anything else?" The Italian accent of the cleaning lady chimes from the hallway.

"No, thank you. Have a good day, Linda." I shout back before I hear the front door shut and I'm left alone with Joe, who is currently in the shower. My eyes drift back to the pages of the book in my hands but I can't seem to be able to concentrate on reading any longer. I let out a frustrated sigh and toss the book aside, my hands wandering to my cats, who immediately start purring at my touch.
When I hear footsteps on the stairs, I get up and make my way to the bookshelf in order to put the book, I have been reading, back there. All of a sudden I feel two hands slide around my hips from behind. I cringe.

"I want you." Joe whispers into one of my ears, while goosebumps are starting to cover my whole body. I turn around in his arms so I can directly look at him.

"Joe...I...it's...I don't feel like it..." I answer quietly, avoiding his eyes even though I can feel his grip tightening around my waist.

"Seriously Taylor? When DO you feel like it? I know I've had a low myself regarding intimacy but I'm losing my patience here." He tries to explain with his voice being a normal volume now.

I just shrug my shoulders, impatiently waiting for him to let me go and scream at me or whatever he usually does but this time he doesn't.

"I'm done waiting."

"You don't really have a choice here." I manage to phrase anxiously.

"Oh I do, darling." The actor smirks and crashes his lips onto mine, before picking me up and placing me roughly on the couch, making the cats jump away in dread.
I'm completely taken by surprise, unable to form any words, as he crawls on top of me. I watch him slide down his pants after unbuckling his belt, revealing his naked erection.

"Take of your sweatpants!" He commands rudly and lifts up his body to give me the space to do so.

"Are you insane? Get off me! I. Don't. Want. To!" My voice is shaky, obviously filled with fear as I try to push him away, as much as it's possible when lying on your back. The next thing I feel is the palm of his hand slapping against my right cheek. The tears shoot into my eyes.

"Again, take off your sweatpants!" I feel the impatience in his voice the way I feel my heart hammering in my chest. Still I shake my head. Joe scoffs and grabs the waistband of my pants, pulling them all the way down to my ankles, before doing the same with my slip. I close my eyes, knowing exactly what's about to come and realising that I've become the one who doesn't have a choice here. My whole body tenses up.

"Please...don't." I whimper, trying to meet his eyes, trying to make him realize what he is about to commit. The actor doesn't seem to care because he pushes his dick right into me, without hesitation, without warning. He lets out a deep moan and I cry out in pain, feeling like I'm about to be ripped apart.

"I've been waiting for this moment...oh my god...you feel so good..." My boyfriend growls in pleasure, while I'm trying to stifle my sobs.

"I'm begging you. Stop."

"Shut up!"

He thrusts into me, again and again, his whole length disappearing inside of me every time. I feel my breathing become faster, panic arising. I try me best to keep calm, to relax, but that's absolutely impossible. At this point I just hope for him to be done soon, now and then a painful whimper escaping my lips. The actor's moans fill the whole room. I hold on to the fabric of the sofa to stop my hands from shaking because I've come to accept the fact that he's stronger than me and I won't be able to escape.

"I'm so close...fuck..." Another thrust, then his eyes roll back, his mouth forms the shape of an 'O' and he cums right inside of me. "Dear lord, damn...."

I want to scream at the disgusting warm feeling settling inside of my lady parts, before he finally pulls out and gets dressed with a dirty smile on his face.

"That was needed." With these words he disappears out of the living room, leaving me half-naked on the couch, unable to move an inch. I stare at the ceiling and attempt to ignore the stabbing pain inside of my entire body. By now my breathing has become shallower, maybe a little too shallow while my mind is racing. I'm still trying to comprehend what just happened but it's rather hard to wrap my head around it.

The ringing of my phone is what let's me snap out of my trance. I sit up and pull up my pants before reaching for my phone on the little table. I take a few deep breaths and swipe to answer the call. It's Tree and it's not the first time she is trying to get a hold of me, I've just been ignoring her, not wanting to deal with whatever she has to say.

"Thank god, Tay. You're alive." The redhead greets me which makes me roll my eyes in annoyance.

"Course I am. What do you need?" I jump right into it since I really want to avoid any kind of small talk.

"Right, yeah...where have you been? I tried calling, I left messages...I thought you'd maybe show up at my office. It's been weeks."

"I'm taking a break." I lie to her. She can't know more. I can handle myself.

A short moment of silence comes from the other end of the line.

"And you let me know now? Don't you think I deserved to know a little earlier? Why anyway?" She sounds a little pissed.

"I just need some time to take care of myself. It's all been a lot, I don't wanna slip into any old patters, but don't worry, I got it. Please let everyone in the team know. I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier." I apologize and look down, while rubbing my temple nervously.

"Fine, whatever you want but please keep me updated okay? I don't wanna have to worry about you."

"I promise."

I end the call and immediately feel guilty for not telling the truth, but I just can't. She won't understand, nobody will.

I get up and make my way up the stairs, the terrible soreness between my legs intensifying with every step.

I think I've never felt more disgusted in my 31 years on earth than right now. I wish I could rip the skin off my flesh or throw myself into a fire, burning every last particle of him that's stuck on my body.

I lock the bathroom door and creep into the shower, a shiver running through my entire body when the cold water touches my skin.